House of MARS

The Martian has landed!

2009-08-04T21:19:00.000+08:00

Hi again everybody. The Martian has landed!
It's been a long time since I posted a blog here in Blogspot.

Due to the uncertainty I forgot to stay tuned with my blog. Now, due to boredom I decided to once revive this blog of mine and post topics that are interesting. I know there are only few visitors in this blog but still I will continue to post topics which are interesting ones. I hope that there will be new persons to visit this blog…

Thank you!

I guess that's all for now, I promise I'll blog more frequently from now on! Ciao for now!

EMERSON-MANILA

2008-07-17T05:21:00.003+08:00

Before arriving at Emerson, I knew absolutely no one with the exception of my (best) friends in Davao. I guess I was lucky that I actually knew at least four of them: my newly found friends. I finally can understand and be able to relate my job and enjoy the company of these fellas namely: Mercy, Jason, Joeff, Mitch (my team) and the rest of Motors and Appliances Components (MAC).

However I was still very nervous about the new environment I was going to be exposed to. It is great that I have met a wide variety of people already, all whom I consider to be my close friends. Although we all come from different backgrounds and locations, we get along together great and we have become so incredibly close.

Cheers to the MAC-ICG Group! And to the whole MAC Dept.

sun up til sun down

2008-05-14T16:31:00.000+08:00

Why do we end up getting hurt by the people we love? Why do we have to get hurt in the first place if we (us and the person we choose to love), really love each other? Why do we have to loose that love?

These questions take a life long journey to answer, but bits and pieces of these tend to get answered by the time we have our own little "moment". Let me share you mine...

Early this year, i met this person. We went out for a few months. I came to know part of the person because the person gave me permission to take a peak of what the person really is. The person would share thing from the past, kahit na sa tingin nya eh hindi magiging magandang pakinggan. I valued that honesty and trust, so in turn i also shared who really this person is. Sad to say sa tingin nya, I'm too good to be true, we even made a joke na sya yung devil at ako yung angel. Devil this person maybe, i chose to accept this person, his good side and his not so good side. The person accepted our "little world" and one day, we decided to call whatever's between us "special". Until the something happened.

The person suddenly lost track of "us" and began to detach itself from me. Here i learned the value of patience. If you really love somebody, learn to wait. How hard it may seem, have that discipline to stop and wait for the person. Its like having this journey together when you suddenly realize, your companion choses to walk slowly o just rest for a while. Have the courage to wait for your companion or until the person signals you to go on with him.

It hurts so much when you feel suddenly alone, when in fact you should not be because you know there is somebody special with you. And no matter how you wait, you still end up going through that journey alone. Masakit kung sa masakit, pero anong gagawin mo?

I will not answer the questions I've said above. I'll share with you may realizations instead.

That its not you, its him/her. For somebody who knows how to love, you're always careful not to hurt the person you love. Its like loving somebody the way you would love yourself. You're always careful on the things you do and you say so as not to cause the one you love hurt.

You are capable of loving. When relationship fails its nothing but normal to feel pain which no pain-killer can remedy. Each of us has our own way of recuperating. For some it takes weeks and months of wallowing to that sadness. But to a certain point you need to pick up your shattered pieces and start a new. Here i learned that there's nothing wrong with me. I know how to love. Yes i got hurt in the end but at least i know how to love. Some people do have relationships but actually not relating. (tama ba grammar?) Its ok wallow and be sad but when you've decided to pick up yourself, remember that you should be proud because you showed them that you know how to love, and that you are capable of loving and knowing its true meaning.

So this is say to you reading and to myself as well: Don't be afraid to love again. Yes you got hurt but that's just the now, remember that there is tomorrow. Somebody is there making its way to your life so you have to prepare. Remember the lessons you've learned and use these lessons to your advantage but always allow yourself to commit mistakes for in those mistakes are new lessons to be learned. Never harbor ill feelings to those people who have caused you pain, they just don't know how it is to love. Be brave, the sun raises tomorrow.

Etcetera

2008-04-15T23:50:00.001+08:00

It's so easy to say the right things. It's so easy to sound nice and sweet. When you're face-to-face, it's no challenge to bring forth a smile. Yet, it's not easy to be real.

Aren't we all masters of the spoken word? We can recall cliche's with a fillip. We can pick our minds of timely quotes to ease a weathered soul. And with our mastered tones, we soothe a heart in pain.

Yet, not all find it as easy to put those words into action.

How many times have you been assured by a friendly voice to "go on and challenge life," for if everything else fails, I'll be here -- an ear to hear out your frustrations, an arm you can hold on to, a shoulder that you can flood with your tears, etcetera, etcetera....

Yet, how many times has the world frustrated your attempts, whamming you twice, thrice over and you suddenly find yourself alone in the abyss of failure? Ringing in your mind is that sweet, reassuring voice of wisdom. But when you look around, it's just a voice, the owner gone, caught up in its own world.

These quotes and phrases are but words sewn up together to sound nice. It's prodding meant only to impel a beginning. It inspires you to start, encourages you to keep on the road.

lil bit

2008-04-15T05:43:00.000+08:00

I feel a lil homesick but I know God has planned for me and lessons to be learned here in Manila (Emerson). I am overly positive of myself that I will make it through. Maybe not in a instant but with hard work. It was hard for me to leave since i've got a lot going on there in Davao. My hometown will always be my home. I'll just think of it this way...No man discovers new horizons without losing sight of the shore. I'll accept challenges and enjoy being out of my comfort zone, because I know in the end, my destination is the journey itself.

No air

2008-04-13T06:42:00.000+08:00

This is it guys!I have said my good bye on air. if you guys got to listen to my good bye spiel.. thank you. sorry if i got so emotional.. it's hard to say good bye to something you've put almost a year of your life into... I have had a lot of good memories with the company and people i worked with. Thank you for the djs who made it really memorable. Thank you so much! Thank you Joey, Sir Bong, Sir Randall, George Booke, Stephanie, Andi ,Aeigh, Lee, Erin, Chesky, Drew, Wacky, Chris Chase,Alexy, Robert, TJ, Crimson, Francis. Thank you also to Ate May and Ate Mai as well as to Chief and Kuya Armald for being there.

Thank you for the listeners(mix friends) Thank you for the callers. Thank you for the chatters.

It was so sad to say good bye to all of you. Thank you for all the nice things that you have said. Thank you. This maybe good bye to most of you.. but as i said i will just be here.

Last Kiss

2008-04-12T07:22:00.000+08:00

I would like to thank 105.9 MIX FM for the opportunity. I have learned a lot from this radio station.

Now, starting this 13th of April, I will no longer be a MIX FM DJ. Yet, I will be back to being a Mix Fm FAN. hehe

This Sunday will be my last boardwork --Sunday Rhythm and Bounce 6-9am. It will be memorable to me. I would like to thank everybody who's been there for me. Thank you. For those people who want to be greeted...You may visit my multiply account/blogger account(marvingil.multiply.com/marvingil.blogspot.com)

Sigh... I can't believe I actually said "last time".

So long MIX FM! I will still be here for you guys!!

Just something to share

2008-04-09T17:08:00.000+08:00

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."

It's about time

2008-04-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

I owe to myself and to the people who truly cares that I take charge of my life. It is about time that I take my life back into my own hands and listening to my inner self instead of relying on others for my future happiness and success. It is as simple as making healthy positive choices; may it be mental, emotional or physical. I admit, I had many negative thoughts that harm my way of thinking. I don’t know why. Well, maybe because negative thinking always seems to be so much easier to instill than positive, whether I care to believe it or not, my feelings and how I feel or think does have a huge impact on my life. Affirmations from my friends and relatives work well in changing my negative thinking into positive. Those affirmations are simply short statements that I repeat in the mind. I am learning to put myself up when negative thoughts and feelings enter my mind. I know that doing this day in and day out, slowly I will gain control back over my life. Jesus, save me. Take this matter off my mind and my heart because I can't rely on my own strength.

Emotions

2008-04-07T18:12:00.000+08:00

Looks like nobody understands my loneliness. So, who's to blame? I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling..

This was my choice and I didn't listen to anyone but myself when I made it. I knew this was going to be tough but I've always believed in what I can do. I'm not doing this for myself,..it's for everyone who relies on me. I thought months would be enough to settle everything and then I'd go on and be who I've always wanted to be, do whatever would make me happy, be where I wanted to be and live my own life as I pictured it before. But just as it was almost over, another bunch of unexpected things would just happen and hold me back from reaching that goal.

And now I feel like I can't do it anymore. For the very first time in my life, I'm feeling helpless and tired...and so weak. I think I've lost that confidence which has been my weapon in this battle.

You see, this wasn't how I wanted to be. It's really far my vision. But I know I just have to do this, I have to be like this. This is not the right time to dream for myself. And I feel frustrated coz I'm running out of time to make it come true.

These past few months I know I'm kinda hard to deal with, and I'm sorry. I forgot to smile even just a little or try to laugh. I've never seen that funny little boy in me for a while now. Maybe this is really how it feels when you're not happy with what you're doing but you just simply couldn't get out. Coz if you do, you'll surely disappoint those important people in your life. And I can't even choose the right words to say. I can't let them know that I don't want to do this anymore. And I'll just find myself doing my very best to get rid of the job. And people would ask me why am I doing what I'm doing, they'd ask me what's wrong. Yet here I am still lost for words.

Just blurting

2008-04-06T06:50:00.000+08:00

When TRUST and FAITH is on key,
You tend to go uneasy.
Worse is when you want to run away
That seems to go too far from me.

Can I just ask you this time not to?
Take this as one big favor I ask of you?
Because honestly, I am not the one you should fear
Hear me when I say this, I will always be here.

Opening up to people has never been an issue to me until I got myself into trouble. Trust and faith, they're a piece of cake back then. I was raised and influenced by my loved ones to have faith in people and never judge them in any way. I was oriented to have faith that there is this something good in people despite our sinful nature. Yeah, sinful! Very sinful! (If you have no idea about this, do yourself a favor. Go and travel back time! Ask Adam and Eve.)

Reality bit me not just once but more than a dozen times. It was not a one-time big-time event. Rather, it was a series of ouch ouch and more of ouch ouch experiences.

They say that if you want to be trusted, you gotta work for it. You gotta prove yourself for you to earn it.

As immature as I was back then (or should I say a gullible being? or an innocent one? or just a foolish gullible being?), I once thought of this idea as something impossible. I just could not grasp the whole concept being operated by it that I was like, "yeah right, you are such a hard person. You are so impossible. You are such a cruel, mean and so foolish to believe that" I mean, I was like "hey you, why can't you just give the poor person a chance, just have faith and trust to that person anyway."

As I advanced in years and not to mention had my share of direct relationship with people of different orientations, I kind of found myself sold-out to the idea already that I had once rejected. Trust is indeed something earned.

Just to make things straight, my TRUST AND FAITH in people should not be mistaken as the same as my TRUST AND FAITH in God. They are way too different.

With people "Trust is now earned for me and that having Faith in a person is all up left to my sound discretion." With God, it's all or nothing at all. Should you say that you have FAITH or TRUST, it should be absolute. It's not you have faith for just as much as 80%, and 20% that you do not have. That can't be the case. A tinge of doubt still does not make you faithful and trusting.

Take this as an example. With my parents, I know they have so much faith in me. (They believe so much in me that sometimes I wanna get sick of it because I don't want them to expect much really, hahaha). But when it comes to trust, I had to work my way then for me to earn their trust. Back to my "not-a-boy-not-yet-a-man stage" or "free-from-limitations-of-a-child-yet-resistant-to-adulthood-responsibilities period" or simply the "Mars-has-not-found-himself-yet stage," I once disappointed my parents big time. I once violated a "big" rule (oh come on, I'm telling you, I was so goody goody. I never had any vices nor be considered a problem child, mind you. In fact, I'm the only child who never received a wild spanking hits from my dad. Yes, glory be to me, hehe) that my father imposed, he just reminded me that he has this so much faith in me and that it will never change but still he nevertheless reminded me to get back into the right track for me to be trusted again. I worked for it, and then I earned it.

With God, it's a different story. I just love the idea of the term "unconditional." Enough said.

So what is my point really?

These days, as far as my regular reality check session is concerned, I may not trust people easily and appear very doubtful, I can't help but to say that "YOU ARE GETTING IT ALL WRONG."

A friend once told me, "Mars, you said you trust me, but why don't you believe with what I just said? What is that? A BLIND TRUST?"

Wow! His statement rang a bell. It was played a lot of times in my head that led me to think, "yeah Mars, what do you have now?"

To that friend who said that to me, I appreciate what you said. At least, I got the hang of it and even made a blog entry out of it, hahaha. I appreciate you being so frank, really.

This is not to my defense, but allow me to say this, anyway.

I have always had faith in people. I have always believed in people and what they can become. But expecting me to trust them instantly? That's different. Yes, this is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. The world is not craving for my trust. But yeah, neither do I.

Just blurting.

Things happen for a reason

2008-04-05T07:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people maay be. Possibly your roomate or neighbour, professor or long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger. But when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strenght, willpower or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It whould be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally. Not only because they love you, because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day counts. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Walk the footsteps of a stranger and you'll learn things you never know. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individaul and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your own life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. "The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."

What if

2008-04-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

Lord, what if I wake up one day and life is so perfect?

Then, I wouldn’t have tasted the sweetness of life giving as

a service to You…

What if there were no sickness or problems to bring me

suffering or sorrow? Then, I wouldn’t have learned to be grateful to the blessings ever showered nor remember to call on You…

What if I was never been hurt and wounded by the people I loved and trusted? Then, I wouldn’t have heard your mellow whispers of comfort and be encouraged…

What if as I go through life’s journey, I never stumbled and fell? Then, I wouldn’t have felt your strong gentle hands, lifting me up and holding me so reassuringly…

What if there was never any darkness or sadness? Then, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the mystery and comprehend beyond light…

What if I was never been weak in every aspect of my life? Then, I wouldn’t have touched the exquisite joy of finding and knowing You…

What if I never learned to love You? Then, I might as well never been born…

Lord, I ask too many questions when the answers are right here in my heart…

“What if” it can never be

because

You Love Me?!

Unfair

2008-04-01T14:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wished for a much low-profile life. Where people around you don't give a shit to what you do, and don't give a damn about you. Attention is not everything, and attention is not what I want. Too much attention stresses me out, and that's what I'm feeling right now. I'm confused, I'm divided, I'm tired. Cant people just understand? I know exactly what I want in life, and I don't need inconsiderate people to barge into my life and start ruining every single hope of mine. Right now, all I need are FRIENDS. No soulmate, no partner, no whatsoever. People don't understand. People call me a BITCH just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. People start drifting away from me just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. People sought revenge and hugged another girl right in front of my very own eyes just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. Just how unfair is that, you tell me? Cant these people GROW UP and START THINKING MATURELY? I'd always thought we could remain as friends.. why get so emotional just because I cant accept you as my soulmate?? Sigh. Like what I'd told my best babe earlier, my life basically revolves around work now. I no longer want to have the time to go dating or whatsoever. I don't want to be giving people false hopes by going out with them. I've learnt my lesson. So to those of you who have been asking me out but always got turned down lately, you should now know why. I'm NOT ready to start dating yet. I'm NOT ready to be accused of giving people false hopes.

Life is being extra cruel to me now, and all I need is strength.

I started to think about loving someone back again, I started to shudder. And I almost cried. I admit, I'm a weakling when it comes to this. I'm scared. I'm just not ready.. not ready to love and trust back again. I need the time.

I'm sorry, I know I'd disappointed you yet again but I have to be fair to myself too. I hope you understand. =(

Fck! Why am I being so emotional now.

3-29

2008-03-30T07:50:00.001+08:00

I never thought that a night could last forever. I never deemed that a single smile could run a thousand mile, a single stare could get a foot deep into my soul, a single touch could take me to cloud nine, and a single kiss could warm my below-zero degree freezing heart.

The sky is bluer than the ocean. The wind is colder than the spring. The sun is happier than the clown. Everything is gulping the air as if my emotions are nurturing them to envisage a perfect world for me. That night perfected my day as well as the coming days. The future was indistinct, but that very night was the realization of my future to clear its horizons.

Was it how you intimately held my hand that made me feel weak, that I could not even grab a pen and stroke the words “I like you”? Was it how you closely pressed your body against mine that I could not even bother to keep my distance from you? Was it how you whispered the words “I wanted to see you everyday” that made me keep on looking for you? Was it how you smiled at me that keeps me wanting to gaze another sunshine? Was it how you passionately kissed my lips that made me ask for more? Or was it the song “I’m yours” that was played over and over again that made our souls promise that we belong to each other?

Now, my days are hiding and my nights are pleading. My heart is screaming with misery. My lips are craving for your name and my mind is flying towards your existence. I am now holding one fixation, and that is the memory of a night that I will keep for eternity.

EARTH HOUR

2008-03-29T08:16:00.000+08:00

On March 31,2007, Australia launched the EARTH HOUR. 2.2 million people and 2100 businesses in Sydney turned off their lights for one hour. This collective effort reduced the country’s energy consumption by 10.2% for one hour. The world was captivated by the efforts of Sydneysiders. This 2008, the world will be participating in this event to further awareness on Global Warming and to save and reduce more energy consumption.

Here in the Philippines we dedicated to support this global movement by turning off lights on March 29,2008 at 8 to 9 pm throughout the country. Now, If you are a Filipino, aware of Global Warming or someone who care for the environment, then you should TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS ON MARCH 29,2008 FROM 8 TO 9 PM. 60 minutes without lights will not cost you a dime. Why doubt. Be aware. Spread the news. Participate to save more energy.

The main point of the campaign is to show people and companies how easy it is to take action against global warming. This does not mean you have to turn off your refrigerator, which could be inconvenient. It is only encouraged to switch off your non-essential lights to make a statement and then changing our electric consumption habits in the long term

Let us dedicate an hour for Mother Earth. Save on resources and lessen carbon dioxide emissions.

Let us each do our part and stop global warming today!

Globally heard

2008-03-28T17:36:00.000+08:00

105.9 MIX F.M. will target Davao City’s young and active radio listeners who have an affinity for quality entertainment. They are “the good crowd” and the most inclined to find MIX F.M. the best radio station to represent their lifestyle.

We are Davao's Top Choice for a better radio experience. Our compelling passion to offer INNOVATIVE, CREATIVE, SENSIBLE and GLOBALLY COMPETITIVE RADIO for today's Davaoeños is our edge.

The 2004 People’s Choice for Best FM Station for Mindanao and the whole world—105.9 MIX FM.

We are the preferred FM Radio Station of Today’s Davaoeno.

Now we're GLOBALLY back and heard!

www.mixfm1059.com

Click:

http://202.133.204.70:88/broadwave.asx?src=1&kbps=32

Pretty mental

2008-03-27T17:20:00.000+08:00

For all of my life, I have never known myself to be a proud person. Honestly, I couldn't imagine myself being proud. For one thing, I don't have anything to be proud of. I loathed boasting but being proud isn't all about boasting. You can be proud in many different ways. Having pride isn't bad, but too much always is. Today, my big boss of mine said that people who try to impress others a lot are most likely to be proud. That struck me. Lately, I haven't been my usual carefree self. I may still seem normal to others but it is only I who can know how I really feel. My face doesn't show it but I feel terrible. I felt like I just had to compete with everyone, be better. I know I could never be better than anyone at anything. I'm mediocre. It is what it is.

I tried my best in a way that involves thinking badly of people. These people I'm talking about, are the people I'm merely jealous of. So, if I couldn't do better.....I just feel jealous and think badly of them? NO! I shouldn't and I better not do that again. Every bit of me knows that what I'm doing, though not physically, is wrong. I'm hurting others in my mind. I feel guilty that these people are those that are kind to me and how do I repay them? Thinking badly of them and cursing (yes, cursing) them.

When I try to do my so-called best, I don't do so much good. Before, I used to do these things since I love them. Now, it's just for mere competition with others and not myself. I seemed to have lost every bit of humility I had. I just sicken myself in thinking of the horrible mental person that I've become. Doing your best with haste only to outshine others is wrong. All you'd do is the best of your worst.

All these, conclude that I am a mean, PROUD (in a bad way), insecure and jealous guy. I know that all people are insecure of some things and that it shouldn't get in their way. This could turn you into a person you wouldn't want to be. Having humility is very advantageous. You'd feel light and sleep well at night.

I just hope it wouldn't take control of me, again.
So today, I swallowed my pride, cleared my mind of all evil thoughts and felt better. Better but not so good. It seems like I haven't completely recovered. I'd always feel a pang of jealous

.........after reading this, you might think I'm pretty mental........I am! bleh

Music and Me

2008-03-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

love Music... It's My Life. There's a saying that says "A man who lives by the sword will die by the sword". Well it just might be that "I live by music and I'll die by Music". I am gifted with the curse of compassion that has rendered my life in complications. Repeatedly sacrificed my life and happiness for others, not thinking about the consequences in the future. Well it made my life quite excitingly fun. I was once an angel now turned somewhat bad. The human mind is a vast universe, mine is like seven legions and eons that I don't even comprehend myself. In short, I am different. My soul holds on to a truth that "Only the Strong will Survive". And my darkest hours are my greatest.
LET'S GET SERIOUS... I'm a true blooded Filipino born under the sign of Libra. The young version of myself is either a nerd or an angel admired for his mild manners and soft hands. Who thought that this angel would morph into an extreme musician... A Rocker. The blood of a pure rocker rose up and conquered my identity. I picked up my guitar and it became the window to my soul. I spilled my very own blood on my guitar making us one. The guitar either became a companion or a foe to me. It has been with me through good and bad. A time came when i decided to put down my strings and live a new life without it. years passed but still it lead me back to my six string buddy. Now though I seldom play the Axe on stage, no one will ever take away the gift that has been given me... The soul of a true Axeman... All "For the Love of God"

I like people who love music and all things wonderful in life and what makes a man happy. I have secrets to hide, but despise "Lies". I like to be friends with almost everybody but I am not that. I may mingle and blend in to almost any person that I can blend in with but my true friends are the humble and the peaceful ones. People who put themselves above others are my mortal enemies but i need not confront them. Most of the times the silent speaks more truth than the noisy ones. I believe in the phrase "Have pride in the things that are truly worth the praise". I may be common in many ways to other people but i tell you "I'm different". So to those who understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful i ask, "take me as I am". I believe that death is not something to fear or be sorrowful about. For I believe that "If I die tomorrow, I'll be alright, because I believe that after were gone the spirit carries on". I believe in eternal life. I don't believe in the words "Till death do us part" for I believe there is eternal life after death. It's just a gateway to eternity.
You think I'm a serious man? Well you bet I am. It will take a lot of comprehension and understanding of me, so buckle up for the bumpy ride. Lastly a friendly advise... "Don't be afraid"... It's only God you have to fear

EMO plus

2008-03-25T16:52:00.000+08:00

Close enough to punk and rock Emo is now know for it's more emotional state of mind. Instead of the anger hard-core way of expressing one-self , Emo (short for emotional) has taken a new tole on the twentieth century of expressing yourself. From the music with strong emotion and feeling, unlike hard rock or this is more of an alternative way to let your feeling be known.Emo is not only a classification or a type of music it's also taken over the way one expresses themselves by dressing. It includes the tighter fitting pants to the dyed-black or dark hair with it covering your face. The longer hair in front with the spikes in the back is also a more Emo- or emotional look to dressing. Emo is also being known as for the hot emo guys and emo girls kissing. From pictures all on the web to the music videos. Hot emo girl to girl and well as hot emo guy to guy is becoming more and more adventurous and more open concluding; Emo meaning being comfortable with oneself. Its a more direct way of altering the feelings one has without words, just emotion.

Some say music is not a type of music. That it is more of a fashion and a way of feeling, hence the emotional. Just recently people have been considering emo to be a genre or music.. Taking back Sunday is one of the many bands people consider to be emo.

Wondering why everyone hates emo? Not all emo people are cry babies or suicidal. Many emo kids come from families which are having serious issues whether it being money issues or what have you

What is emo to mean to you? Send me ur comments what it means to you and we will add your description.

Viewers Voice

Emo,yes it is short for emotional. But,there is more to emo then hair and looks. Emo is a state of mind. Most people,made them selves appear emo. While in reality,they have to much hope to be emo. Emo is much like goth. But,goth is Darker. Emo is more emotional,harder to fake. Yes,some em os cut themselves,but there is more than that. Emo is one of the hardest things,to explain. People hate em os,b/c they view us as suicidal,cry babies,or just week. That's NOT what emo is. Suicidal yes,at times. But,don't judge me for being emo. It's not what I chose to be. It's just what I am. - lee

Another says....

I think emo is just another label,but my definition of it will be for real.Personally,i used to cut,but I stopped.Take it from me.It's hard to stop!I am bi,but I'm not afraid of it!People shouldn't judge us for what we do and who we are.Emo is a music genre,but also a state of mind.If you're emo,don't be afraid of it.It's just who you are!It's perfectly normal to have a sensitive side,although I'm sassy sometimes.I'm really sensitive when 90% of the time.I love being who I am,though I get bullied alto.I don't care.Well,in my opinion,emo is just how people describe over-sensitive people.I write tons of poetry,and I'm in middle school.I am not ashamed to say I like girls,ever since I was 9,I have liked girls.I can't help how I feel! But over the summer,I've changed a bit.I'm not AS sensitive,but I still am.I don't let people put me down.Emo is just about being sensitive and expressing how you feel about something.If you get suicidal thoughts,talk to someone,trust me!Don't make the mistake I did.I am a lot better off without blades. andi

I'm back and I'm bored

2008-03-24T16:30:00.001+08:00

9:00 in the morning, the usual "drowsy" near end of the day. Am so tired after much doing lenten activities, i thought of having a short break for awhile...just a tiny itsy bitsy quick rest will do just fine:)
So, here i go again writing down visual thoughts into an interactive black and white slate...but what am i to parlay this time?

-Politics?....*no not that!
-Science?....*Schools over dude.
-Algebra & Mathematics?...*Come on, were not even engineers :(
-History?.....*are we gonna talk dead things again?...get a life!
-Quantum Physics?....*Don't even dream were Rocket scientist or the sort :p
-Relationships?.......*hmmm is it social studies this time? well among the above choices lets tackle this one.

Relationships, the ever elusive commitment am searching for. I have wondered so many times how it feels to have someone really close?
And I'm referring to not just a friend, an acquaintance or a guardian but all in one aspect, in one character, in one person...someone you love.
Many of my friends said it's total bliss and some say it's a pain in the hind lol. Whatever they say i believe it is something more than those 2 definitions but a collage of mixed love, hate, care, understandings, misunderstandings, devotion, betrayal, humility, sacrifices, and decisions all brewed into one beautiful complex.
If you ask me it sounds entirely confusing however i think i have the notion what it really is...just pure relationship in the form of being as one.

*hey wait a minute, did you said as one?
-yes i did...
*what do you mean as one? you mean?
-Ok don't get funny ideas, let me explain...

Ahem...we have in the dictionary the word "Individual", a person, a single being, just one entity & nothing else. The word refers as a solitary figure doing just about the normal range of being itself.

*is this gonna take long?
-don't worry it wont.

Going back, we can verily describe ourselves as it just that concept but what if that so called individual finds another and its just so happens the uncanny manifest. Sparks fly, sweet sounding tune is heard everywhere and doesn't know
where it's coming from?
both entangled in a world of fascination between each other, the offering of gifts, twinkle in the eyes, head over heels...blah..blah...blah....this...that...you get the picture.

*What picture?
-Don't get me started...

And so when two people agree together, makes choices with congruence on both side's opinion we can suggest they act uniformly and when they do i can describe it in figurative language like they are in rhythm or in a harmonious synchronization of perpetual mutual ambiance of feelings and emotions in a non-satirical, non-tyrannical, non-dominant application of soothing regards in vice-versa that both does not promote deviations or any liable enormity that would hamper and antagonize the nexus in a depreciating, agonizing eventuality that would lead to total disastrous breakage of cresending happiness into a pitfall of paradox and irony that would succumb them both into a chasm of solitude, non-conformity and paranoia which is a total dis-integrating and crushing blow of dis-consolidation.

*.....uhh...huh..
-.....uhh...huh...what?
*....i said yeah right....whatever Einstein.
-you're pathetic.

But seriously in my own world, relationship is a gift. A gift that allows you to show your kindness and unconditional care to the other. A privilege that ultimately shows anyone or anybody the desire for care. I believe in every person there is so much caring deep within that needs to be brought about...its one of the process of allowing themselves to be "human".

In an over turn, Some can't handle relationships because some have not managed to allow themselves to be sincere...that is all. Relationship is about sincerity and humility, it does not tell whose right and whose wrong but the other way around. Knowing if the other is wrong and tries to correct the mistake in a humble manner. The way how one shows rectification in a loving way to the other, always and is always the best solution to any instability of every relationships.

I have always known this, yet fate has set aside this dream. All i could think is God is wanting me to focus on him first...i love God but i wonder what is his reason why he wants me to face the task single handedly or perhaps maybe just maybe facing the task alongside with him...just him and I both.

*now you're the one who sounds pathetic
-i am pathetic but i am well treasured from someone who has the most love of all.
*......no comment.

I honestly admit that my situation cuts both ways, and it's driving deep inside every time moments pass. I don't know maybe i feel too much no wonder i always feel like i'm heading straight to a broken heart even if my heart is in one piece. Maybe i'm being masochistic in a sense i got used to thriving to my angst but that scene was long ago, I'm a new person now. I don't feel like the way i do in heavy downpour anymore my life is already turning for the best and all is getting better and better......however i can't seem to figure out the missing part of me...the other half who has me....

*Dude...you lost me.
-are you even listening?
*just continue

There is nothing i can do as of now, i'm helpless with this predicament.hmmm...i feel awful when i do hahaha.
How i really wish i could say to myself one day all the funny words i spoke sometimes lie when love surprise, oh how i wish that comes true....like one in million chance.

*there is nothing wrong to dream, it's free..
-it sure is
*good luck
-Thanks i guess :(

I took the time to think it over and over like a never ending story, sober as i am in these days of dampness nevertheless i am happy as i am. At least i never have to do the most hardest lesson of all...

*and that is?

-"The art of letting go"

It scares me when i hear it, i mean when others have failed does it suggest i'm also inclined to it?
I think not, i'm not afraid coz i know how to care...even if its unfair.

*hail to Martyrdom!

You just don't get it do you? Relationships wont be possible if both haven't been in most sinking level. it's that part where their faithfulness is tested. It also brings about the inner passion if one decides to hold on for what he/she believes that the relationship is worth fighting for or far....dying for. Amidst the storm if both were really destined then no matter and no matter what they will always be unchanged.

*Unchanged?
-As they were, as they are and as they will be together like nothing happened...'unchanged".

I wish someone taught me early advices for the young at heart. Then perhaps i would have known which step to take not to be so in this ordeal. Sadly no one ever came but it's alright i have the whole wide world in my hand and
I could be happy right now, me and my shadow in make believe universe lol yeah i'm so full of it.

*Dude, i know some people you could talk to late at night on phone and they could lighten you up a bit
-heck, what are you taking me for?! I'm not that desperate!
*just want to help dude :D

In any case, relationships are meant to make people happy. there i made the story short.

*Dude, i wish you have said that earlier, now i understand you.
-....................................i can't even believe i'm talking to my alter-ego. It's a good thing nobody reads this blog.
*so what's the moral story?
-the moral story is, just be glad and content when you love someone...and do it sincerely.
*So what about you?
-As for me? i guess i'll just Follow my road where it leads me...i'm sure i'll get to stumble someone along the way.

Hmmm...time fly so quickly time for me to get ready for my boardwork! you know what i'm afraid, at least i have a load off my mind...thanks to this diary i feel a lot lighter.

*dude you forgot to thank me listening to your jargons:)
-Whatever.

Forgive and Forget

2008-03-19T17:22:00.000+08:00

As followers of Christ, our character should mirror His character. We should be helpful to one another, kind and tender toward one another, understanding and loving. Most of all, we should be extending forgiveness to one another in the same way that Christ extends forgiveness toward us. In other words, forgive unconditionally. Many times, people won’t forgive until the other person says they are sorry. Or, they won’t forgive because they think somehow they are punishing the other person or giving them what they deserve. But the only person that is hurt by your un forgiveness is you. When you hold un forgiveness, you can’t be forgiven by God, and you are the one locked up in the hurt and pain. Don’t hold un forgiveness any longer! Forgiveness simply begins with a choice to obey God’s command. When you open your heart to forgiveness, you open your heart to God’s healing and restoration in your life. Make the choice today to forgive others—readily and freely—as God in Christ forgave you!

Have a Blessed Holy Wednesday.

Up Above

2008-03-18T15:48:00.000+08:00

What are you looking at today? Are there challenges in your life to overcome? Don’t just look at your problems day in and day out, lift up your eyes and look toward heaven. You will naturally move in the direction that your eyes are looking. If you are always looking at your problems—meditating on them, feeling sorry for yourself, telling everybody about them—you will become consumed by them. But when you look up, your life will start to move up. When you keep your eyes on Jesus, it is also a sign of your faith and expectancy. The Bible tells us that faith is what moves the hand of God. When you have an attitude of faith and expectancy, you open the door for His power in your life. Decide today to focus on the goodness of our God. Lift your eyes and heart to Him and begin to praise Him with your words. As you lift your eyes, your help will come, and you will live the victorious life He has in store for you!

Have a Blessed Holy Tuesday.

Remain in HIM

2008-03-17T15:28:00.001+08:00

"Have you ever thought about the relationship between the branch and the vine? We don’t use these kinds of word pictures very much anymore, but think about it--if the branch is not attached to the vine, it withers and dies. The branches’ very life depends on it being attached to the vine. The same thing happens if we try to operate in this life without Jesus. Without Him, we can do nothing. We are cut from our life source. But when you remain in Him, by daily connecting with Him through prayer and worship then your life will be fruitful. You’ll walk in joy and blessing. I love that this verse says "much fruit", which means you will have an abundant harvest in your life. God doesn’t want you to just barely get by. He wants to overwhelm you with His goodness. Remain in Him today. Choose to make Him top priority, and you’ll see His hand of blessing operating in every area of your life!"

Have a Blessed Holy Monday.

Crazy Sick People

2008-03-15T12:58:00.000+08:00

One day a friend of mine was sharing to me her not so good experience with a nasty friendster she has encountered on her space. This "person" (a HE) has conveniently browse on every single photo she has and loves to make nasty comments to people who have posted comments on those photos? he would be taking his own time out checking and browsing like a stalker and whenever he saw comments that he might not like it, lo and behold! he strikes hahaha. . what a total wreck! and not only once he did but my friend says oftentimes. . .She was so upset that she accosted this person and funny was? the person (through messaging) just readily says; sorry! you cant take jokes can you? - - DUH! the nerves to say this to a lady hahaha! where are your balls man! She was really upset that she decided to remove this person from her circle of friends. When I asked if she regretted her action? she did not hesitate to answer back; disrespectful and nasty people have no room in my space. . . well said sister, bravo! what a price for him to pay!

It is really disturbing to see that there are people who have nothing nice to say and nothing good to do and just shows how moron they are in this space. And worst is? in their desperation to be noticed by everyone (get to notice him kasi!!) conveniently throw nasty nauseating words against people that they merely know or didn't know at all? "Friendster" is suppose to be synonymous with bridging, bonding, fostering, knowing, meeting and maybe eventually making solid friendships along the way till the end! Tsk, tsk, you guys just don't realize the joy that this space brought to us. We are so privileged to have this space where we can freely connect and get in touch with friends regardless how far or near these people are to us, this obviously and surely shortens the distance between friends but then there are still useless people around who abuse it and sadly abuse it in expense of others too. Hey, you!. . .yes you - nasty friendster. . If you have nothing nice to say towards other people in this space? or if you have nothing good to do and just disrespect others ? Man! am telling you, what goes around comes around. You are not a kid anymore, are you!! (What a shame, coz even the real kids here in this space are behaving well??) And if you extract excitement and happiness by doing unlikely things towards people? Man! you're sick, not just sick but damn sick and you better see your psychiatrist before it's too late and keep your sanity.

Mind your act, be responsible of your action, youd don't want to end up in the gutter either do you! Do not wait for the time that your remaining friends will one by one spam or remove you from their spaces coz you are damn f----n asshole (my apology of saying so!) You are not worth to be called a friend, not even as an acquaintance. People will not not hesitate to remove you from their space if you are really misbehavin. .

Siggh! crazy sick people. . . i hope they will not proliferate in this world.

"FRIENDS ARE TRULY PERKS TO OUR LIVES AND THAT WE MUST CHERISH IT"

Of Love and Threshold

2008-03-13T13:23:00.000+08:00

Most often people have their own fantasy of their lovelife. What you want your partner to look like, your perfect date or how your want your wedding to be. Down to the smallest detail like where you want your wedding, how beautiful your wedding dress is or even what kind of souvenier you plan to give out. We'd also think of what we think we can endure when it comes to love.

As we go through life and experience things of all sorts, we surprise ourselves at how we alter our dreams and exceed what we thought was our threshold for pain.

After a breakup, we'd cry rivers of tears and decide that we can't live without our partners. We'd often cry out that we can't take anymore. But when time has passed and memories forgotten, we'd fall for another and a new threshold is set. As long as we chose to open our hearts and free ourselves from the web of past pains, we continue to love and let ourselves be loved - a new threshold is set.

When we look back at how far our current level is at, it may surprise you that it's very different from how you once imagined yourself. But when will it stop? How will one know if they've already reached the limit? Or is there any limit at all?

I guess the answer would be, if you're with the person who loves you and treats you right, makes you happy and supports you when you're weakened, comforts you, never lies and hurt you, there's really no levels or limits.

We simply hope that the person you're morphing yourself for is the right one, otherwise I think it would be a shame to lose yourself for someone who won't be there for you till the end.

Unstable Persona

2008-03-12T13:27:00.001+08:00

At one time, all is going well….that’s what I thought. How many times do we really see reality and when it knocks, we try hard not to open its doors for we are scared of facing its undeniable truth. How many times do we trust our instincts and ended up making wrong moves? Defense mechanism…that’s all it is. Hiding from reality and forcing to show a face of a strong being. Projection---- others are not aware that many people project their frustrations and disappointments to a completely unaware person. What good does it do? Then at another time, we seem to act on impulse, decide on impulse without rattling our brains and taking as an example time thinking on what is the right thing to do…..IMPULSIVENESS!! SELF-CONTRITENESS!

I can say that I’m an unstable sort of man, not knowing what I want in life…I’m constantly fighting traumas in my life. I say this blah blah… but did I actually say those things? ----What’s the outcome?--Hurting the people I love the most because I just think about myself too much, I can’t decide on my own, I’m gullible and I’m easily manipulated. I am scared of following my heart’s desire. Isn't’t it nice that one has to go through dark roads before seeing your true self? Crossroads they call it. One has to choose only one and choosing the wrong path changes everything. It can either offer joy or despair. Whichever way it is, no one is to be blamed but ourselves.

What to do next? Hold on to the lessons learned and move on until we can take a mature step again and never stumble again. Losing a loved one is not really losing the memories. All will remain within us. We’ll just have to cling to those memories and use it for making us stable again.

BEHAVE

2008-03-11T13:54:00.000+08:00

hyper sad kaayo ni xa oi!"
"samok mars, ayaw pag cge og binata!"
"pagpuyo bah! samuk kaayu ka..."

Few of the things said to me whenever i have lots of sugar in my body... meaning everytime i feel so happy about something that i couldn't contain myself, that i don't know what to do... i know lots of people get annoyed with me... with my presence... well can't blame them... even the very people i expect to like me, unfortunately, don't (especially when my energy reaches its summit!)... but i ain't saying that i hate them or i don't like them anymore or something like that... in fact, i really appreciate the fact that they get really patient with me... i am no day at the beach... i am a very extreme person... when i'm happy, i get EXTREMELY happy... when i'm sad, i get REALLY sad to the point that i cry even for the things that aren't worth crying (like imaginations)... when i'm angry, i shout!!! i'll let you know that i don't like something... the problem is that i don't talk (ooows?!)... i don't know how to communicate what i don't want, why i don't want that... i don't wanna explain things... i want you to figure it out... FIGURE IT OUT!! see? being with me is never and never will be a picnic... but i am exerting efforts, and i mean EFFORTS, here... i'm really trying to behave the way i should behave... and then i get so excited about things and then this child inside me pops out of nowhere... i'm sorry about that... ok? just give me more time... c: well anyways, thanks a lot guys for being with me and for extending your patience...

no offense here to anyone... just blogging to let SOME of it out...

What do i have

2008-03-10T12:57:00.000+08:00

We all have past, let us not forget that. Whatever and Wherever we are right now, we were led here by our past decisions, by the way how we dealt with our circumstances and how we lived our so called life..it’s the same factors that will brought us to our future.

But the question is, what do we have from our past that played a major role on our current state? Have we followed the rules? Have we done the right decisions? Do we have disappointments as a result of those decisions we made?

We may or may not acknowledge it but we all made mistakes , we all fail one way or another. But we are in charge of our lives and it’s up to us to make things better or bitter. I have my own share of failures, I have my own shortcomings , but nevertheless I have no regrets. If have to live all over again I will take the same path , probably make the same decisions that I did in the past.

Im only saying ... I am happy now maybe not too happy, I don’t have everything in life, I haven’t gone to so many places to see the beauty of the other side of the world, and haven’t tasted a lot of different foods, and my bank account doesn’t even have a six figures but it’s not what matters to me..... What matters to me is YOU. With that, I have all the happiness that life can bring...

Caught in between

2008-03-09T06:38:00.000+08:00

Let me apologize to begin with...
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say...
It's hard to know something that you didn't want to know... The hardest part of it is when your friend is involved in it but you can't say it to her since the one that drop those words are a friend of your also... You try to hide it as much as possible to protect both of them but who are you fooling? in the end it will be you lying to yourself... Thinking that you've done a good job but no, you didn't... You just make someone's life more miserable, and you tolerate someone's stupidity... It feels like you've been caught between your lies and how the truth get in your way... and yet, guilt is your only companion with this..

GTG

2008-03-06T12:58:00.000+08:00

Is it wrong to terribly miss old things? i think nothing is wrong when one suddenly feels so empty. i believe a thing is never wrong as long as nobody gets hurt... it is only now that i am starting to feel this way, probably it was due to the piled up "kamalasan" i went through yesterday.... sad sad really.. who would have thought? so tired... i feel like i just want to rest... but worst of all i am emotionally sad... i think this blog started off with "missing stuff", now let's go back to that.i believe that you will have a period in your life that will either make you or break you... the past few days were quite different from the rest... i guess if things have not changed much then maybe i could still manage a smile.

it's been freaking mad, a bit lonelier, a bit better(maybe? not sure but yes i guess it did) not having L around.. it's kind of weird.. i mean how the feeling could go on. when you have your circle of friends and suddenly everything changes just because of hear says... Friendship, i thought is the most important thing in the world so how could some people easily ruin it? such a mess.. it's hard to admit to everyone else that i've been affected at how things went over the past few days.. although i am much content, happy and better now at the same time i ponder on what could have had happened if the things that happened before didn't really occurred.but why so, that just this week i've felt like crying over what happened. it is only now that i feel affected. really! i don't know how to say goodbye...

the person who's been always so kind to me and understanding despite my being rude, judgemental, mean.. i was unfair to this person and now i wonder how much kindness i've shown? or if i was ever kind? i was always mean, and always blaming all the things that's got to do with her painfully hurting me... but i honestly cared.. i was not able to show it though, because i don't know how.. and now i stop and think if that person will ever know how much i cared, or how much i appreciated every single kindness that was always there.. i guess though, i will never have that one more day, that one chance of letting that friend of mine know that to me she was a true friend... all i could do is just write these things out.

---gtg---

Finding Happiness

2008-03-05T14:19:00.000+08:00

Why is it so hard to do something you know that you really need to do? Then, when you've already done it, you regretted doing it because it just feels so wrong...You know that you've done the right thing but it feels wrong to you because you're hurting inside... you have to make choices that you know is right and yet at the same time, wishing that you're not supposed to be right 'coz being right will only bring you pain... It would be best for you but you also know that you will be hurt in the process.. you should be able to face the pain because you know that everything will turn out better than you expected... You should be brave and stick with your decision no matter how painful it may be for you..

I believe that moving on and completely letting go the person that you love is one of the hardest things a person needs to do in order to start over.. but when you fall for a different person and try to gather all the pieces of your life that were scattered during the time when you're alone, the same thing happens.. it's just like a damn routine.. there's the getting to know stage.. after that stage, there is the "kilig " stage... then, you'll realize that you already love that certain person.. I believe that when it comes to that stage, that's the time when you feel that you must hold on to that feeling.. I was just like everybody else... i thought that finding someone new will make me forget about him and i thought i will be happy again.. well i was, but during that time, i felt like there's always something that's not right... at the end, i realized that before anything else, i must learn to let go of the past .. i realized that i can be happy if a want to even if I'm alone .. It's all about how you look at things.. If you really want to be happy, then find a way to be happy.

I'm in love...but you don't care

2008-03-04T13:56:00.001+08:00

Ah, another entry on love and again. Remember the lines that go: And I'm aware...I'm in love but you don't care? Yep, you guessed it, my binding theme for this entry.

Honestly, I was quite hesitant to write about this because I feel quite strongly about the said lines. I didn't want to trash it or do it such vile injustice. But I also thought a lot of people would more or less relate to this topic because I guess at some point they had once "loved" a person who seemed to be utterly clueless and oblivious to the his or her affection. The one-sided phenomenon.

When you think you've fallen for someone, the only thing that seems to matter is for that person to approximately reciprocate the way you feel for him or her. You make that person like you. But sometimes that making-him-like-me process can be so excruciating! It's always a load of mind games and the over-analysis of things. Especially if you're like me who tends to shred everything into bits, every minute detail, nothing is spared. I view this so-called process as a challenge but sometimes, challenges aren't so fun anymore when the goal is too out of sight and out of reach. It's like quicksand. The more you struggle, the more you sink. It's standing on shaky ground, or in this case, no ground at all. No one's going to catch you. Maybe it's only for the stalwart-hearted and the strong-willed soul.

But in end, who enjoys pursuing someone who doesn't seem to give a damn? Who enjoys being hurt all too often? We reach a point where self-love enters the picture. We could choose to continue but we know we shouldn't. Maybe it's time to realize that not everything goes the way we it to regardless of how persistent we are.

I'm in love but you don't care. And knowing with all that was said, that nothing is enough, you should find in that enough reason to slowly let go. That you do deserve someone better. With love along with all its stupidity and beauty, there comes a point where you realize you don't want to listen to sad love songs, or watch drippy movies, or read schmaltzy stories, you want the real thing not a mere reflection of it. So there, it's time to stop. Stop not because you're hurting, not because you're sad, not because you're scared. BUT because YOU LOVE. More.

Review

2008-03-03T13:18:00.000+08:00

After reviewing the last few entries in this blog, it seems to me that there's an undercurrent of sadness. I guess I've been really down in the dumps lately, and it's spilling over here. And while I know that this is my space and I can say and feel anything I want here, I've decided that I need to do something about the gloominess I've brought here because I'm not normally a gloomy person.

Time flies so quickly. Other times so slowly it feels painful to our minds and bodies. What amazes me sometimes is how things change and yet stay the same as the clock ticks away.Most of it would be kind of boring to write about, however. But since it's my blog and I can write whatever I want, I'll be boring.

Writing is my tool.. words are my sword. I will write as long as I want to. They say that no one can hurt you without you allowing them to, and true, you'll never know how much you love somebody until you see how much he can hurt you.

There is nothing wrong with loving a person but when our world stops because of that love, when we lose sight of our own selves because of our longing to be with someone, when we begin to compromise in favor of what our heart dictates, then we will lose our ability to act and think rationally and make sensible decisions.

At times I didn't know what to feel. But more than anything, I pitied myself... yes.. several times. I know I am accountable for everything I do, for all what's happening in my life. Nothing to blame but myself. I didn't have the slightest intention of hurting anyone, I was just being the best person I could be. But then again, I feel I am alone. All alone.

No one knows what the future holds for us. Let us make the best of today so we can always look back with a smile and look forward to tomorrow with hope of not making the same mistakes again and the hope of finding love that will last us our lifetime...

6 months

2008-03-02T06:09:00.000+08:00

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS
1. The person you love most will be the same person who will hurt you most. They will be your strength...but they will also be your weakness...

2. You can never change the world in one click of your fingers. It even took God seven days to make it, how can you top that?! But that doesn't mean you can't try, right?

3. If you want something to happen, you just can't wait until it happens. You have to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

4. Those who gamble the most, takes home the biggest prize. Those who don't even gamble are the biggest losers.

5. It pays to watch the news and be aware of current events. That way you know when to bring an umbrella and where to take the reroute to avoid traffic!

6. Secrets don't exist... You can never keep one no matter how hard you try! Same as white lies! They're still LIES... no matter what color you call them! Honesty, is and will always be the BEST policy! So elementary! :)

7. When you feel bad, CRY. When you feel sad, CRY. When you feel angry, CRY. When you feel lost, CRY. When you feel alone, CRY. It's okay to CRY, who said it isn't? Just make sure that you SMILE afterwards!

8. The bitterest tears are for those words left unspoken and actions left undone. SAY IT! DO IT! Before it's too late.

9. Other people's lives are NONE of your business, not unless they ask you to be in it! Mind your OWN business! Stop talking about other people's lives. It's due time that you HAVE YOUR OWN!

10. You don't go looking for love, love comes looking for you. Love always has a reason for coming and going. You can never ask it to come or force it to stay. You can only wait until it arrives, cherish it while it's there, and then let it go when the right time comes for it to go. If Love comes back, then that's when you truly call it your own. It's yours' to keep. Take care of it. Nurture it. Value it. And believe me, the rewards will be tenfolds. :)

My Prayer

2008-02-27T13:26:00.001+08:00

"God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change;
courage to change things that I can and
wisdom to know the difference..."This prayer reminds me that there are things beyond our control. No matter how hard we try, we have to let go of some things. Acceptance is a way of letting go and moving on. When you learn to accept; letting go and moving on is easier.

However, there are some things that are within our control but don't easily realize that. We sometimes stick to things that we thought are worth sticking to even they hurt us most because we think they complete us somehow. Only realizing later that they barely have meaning in our lives.

That is the purpose of pain somehow, to make us stop..to think things over and hopefully get back on our senses to know what's keep working on and not...

Long lost Innocence

2008-02-25T13:40:00.000+08:00

Love perseveres. Men change."
After all that I have been through, each time that a situation calls me to remember the past, I realize that I have never really grown out of love...It's just that, I found more and learned. So true enough, it perseveres. But we learn and change.

I just thought of it when I had a conversation last night with a someone special. Weird...after a long time of trying to delete that part of my memory I started digging it out again.

I have changed a lot. Love and revenge changed me. I have loved so much and when I lost it, I fought for it the wrong way. To my mistake; I'm sorry I have gotten you into that mess. Past is past. That was just it. I have lost that innocence that love has tried so hard to keep safe for me. At some point I am sorry about it, but then, I learned and I moved on. It brought me to where I am. I could only be thankful that I didn't totally drown in hell with the kind of life that we could have possibly put ourselves into. To the love that I lost; I thank you. That's it.

It hurts to think of the past, not that I am being sorry for losing or being betrayed or played on but it hurts me to realize how much time and feelings I have wasted then...and it would always hurt to realize not being able to control myself.

I have made my mistake. There's nothing that I can do about it but to move on. Having gone through it all and being honest about it to every person who would ask about it doesn't make me lesser of a person. If they wouldn't be able to accept me for that, fine. I can't do anything about their ignorance. As I have always said before; I am not born to please anybody.

Until I found out I am inlove again, I promised I wouldn't make the same mistake and would try hard to keep it...for good...and may God help me keep it...let the universe conspire...

If it wouldn't be now, then may be next year, the next year or the next and other next...I don't care how long it would let me wait...for as long as it doesn't lead me back to the same trash...

Trust VS Mistrust

2008-02-24T06:52:00.000+08:00

Trust is a very important thing to me as I am sure it is to everyone. Trust is what makes people stay friends. Without trust we will withdraw and never share our feelings, thoughts, emotions with anyone.

I have had friendships break up and I still hold the same secrets that were told to me during the friendship. I do this not only for those who have shared their secrets but for myself also. I feel there is integrity and honor in safeguarding trust, regardless of what happens to the relationship.

Trust is a sacred thing. The ability to hold that trust with honor and integrity when things may have gone awry is a highly admirable quality. Trust is such a fragile thing as well. Once broken it rarely grows again.

Everyone has had their trust violated at some point in time and it can be devastating.

Trust, honor, loyalty, a man is an empty vessel without these traits.

You know it, I know it, not everyone does.

We must be careful who we place our trust in, good judgment isn't always as good as we first suspected. We can't let a bad judgment or one pathetic person skew our view of humanity. It's more difficult in cyberland to make good judgments, but we are learning aren't we?

I realize that it is only a select few that have no scruples. Yes I am learning.

Our principles should not waver in the face of someone else's unprincipled behavior.

I find it hard to trust, but trust is an important part of friendship, in fact the most important.

Trust is what make the best and truest friends. Sadly, trust is one I do not give out to often, which in turn leaves me a bit friendless. Nobody really knows who I am, so I am able to be honest and trust that all secrets are well secrets!

Trust can be a dangerous thing to give to another, which in my opinion, is why it is hard to gain.

In the right hands it can be a devastating weapon or it could be the most wonderful thing a person could receive. I choose the second one myself.

I don't know you all that well, working on that though, but I still am wanting you to know that I am a person who sticks up for what is right and for the real truth. Its something I have striven for all my life. (is striven even a word?) If you need it I will be there for you or anyone who needs it. THAT is the truth!

"The trust I give.... too soon I fear.....is given well to you....If not returned to me....
I know, mine was not undone."

Keep asking

2008-02-21T12:46:00.001+08:00

Is there something you are believing God for? Does it seem like it’s taking a long time to come to pass? Be encouraged today! Through faith and patience you will inherit the promise. You can trust that God’s Word is true. Submit your prayers to the Lord, and keep an attitude of faith and expectancy. Keep asking. Keep seeking. Keep knocking on the door, and it will be opened to you. It may seem like it’s taking a long time, but know this: God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. He is orchestrating things in your favor. He is perfecting whatever concerns you. Don’t give up! Start thanking God for His faithfulness in your life. As you stay faithful in your prayers and thanksgiving, the Lord will move mightily on your behalf. He’ll take you places that you’ve never dreamed, and you will live the life of victory He has in store for you.

Talking to myself

2008-02-20T13:09:00.000+08:00

Talking to one's self sounds so crazy and weird. . but it is not! Of course you wouldn't take a chance talking out loud in a public place would you? Surely, people would reasonably think that you are going nuts! Worst scenario here would be; people might think that you really are and they would end up calling authorities and in your profound wildest dream would lead you somewhere that you may least expected it. So, be wary and choose the right place to where and when you talk to your self. For me? I talk to my self for just simple heart-warming reasons and if you dread me for this? I am sorry but one thing I could assure you, I am not crazy but I just want to do this my way.

I talk to my self when I am sad; it gives me a feeling of relief in the end;

I talk to my self when I am in trouble; it gives me the ability to weigh things rationally;

I talk to my self when I am mad; it gives me the time I need to calm down;

I talk to my self when I feel hopeless; it gives me the pleasure to think optimistic;

I talk to my self when I had a fight with a loved one; it would strike me a chord and act;

I talk to my self when I am so damn exhausted; it would always loosen me up;

I talk to my self when I lost something; it gives me the assurance that I could still have those back someday;

I talk to my self when I am pressured at work; it would guarantee me the comfort of my bed at the end of the day;

I talk to my self when things go wrong; it would justify me that tomorrow is another new day;

I talk to my self when I am lonely; it would give me a direction to the store to grab an ice cream for a treat;

I talk to my self when I am bruised; it gives me an energy to re-collect myself with courage;

I talk to my self when I am bored; it would remind me to do something new and different;

I talk to my self when I felt so sluggish; it would remind me to get my energy and muscles back;

I talk to my self when I am wounded; it would remind me that sulking has no place in my heart;

But. . . .

I also talk to my self when I am happy; it gives me a gratifying big smile;

I also talk to my self when I have done well; it gives me a feeling of self worthiness;

I also talk to my self when I have won in a game; It pats me big time on my back;

I also talk to my self when I have finished my job on time; it assures me of my competency at work;

I also talk to my self when I have helped someone in need; It humbly assures me of my social obligation to others;

I also talk to my self when I made someone happy; it assures me of my capability;

I also talk to my self when I love someone; it would give me more reasons to love;

I also talk to my self when I have made my pet happy; it gives me a norturing feeling and a rewarding purr;

I also talk to my self when I have done things new to me; it would show me my other raw (untapped) potentials;

I also talk to my self when I thought about my family; it gives me a sense of longing ness;

I also talk to my self when i have seen flowers and greens; it assures me of my appreciation to nature;

I also talk to my self when I have acquired new things; it would remind me that it is not always work and indulgence is ok;

I also talk to my self when I have pacified differences; it gives me the confidence to bridge gaps ;

I also talk to my self when someone made me feel special; it would make me buy a rose and thank the person a 100X.

Undeniably yes, I talk to my self a whole lot and the good thing is? It works wonder on me. It gives me the capability to use my faculties to evaluate things, enjoy my feelings I have inside and the feeling of gratitude that I have afterwards, is a blissful reward. I am not crazy-crazy and weird-weird kinda' person but I talk to myself whenever I feel like connecting to my self and whatever state of senses I am in . . . just like I am talking to you or to anybody else.

In this world where "temporary" is a dog-eared statement and people around us tend to be unreliable and volatile as they too oftentimes gobbled by their own problems, concerns and priorities as well, we tend to shy away and distance ourselves a little and say oopps! not because they don't have ready answers for us but because demanding even a little time from them is somewhat too much for us to humbly ask for. In moments like this, we develop our own approaches and defences on how to deal with our own emotions, judgments, worries, uncertainties, questions and even happiness, joy, excitement and pleasure just to keep our sanity at bay, and the only person you could readily rely on is no other than Y-O-U - - then rely and lean on to that, talk to your self and you will be surprised to see how reliable and wonderful your shots would be that you do not need any intervention of any sort to appraise and evaluate things within our very own range of able reasoning. After all, you couldn't say no (to yourself). . . . could you?

Piece of me

2008-02-19T14:25:00.000+08:00

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE PART WHERE YOU HURT ME. . . t he sun again kissed my being as the day started its pretty good, exciting, blessed, harsh and enigmatic earth day. and so before i start my lifeline i would like to thank you for the pain you inflicted in me. the tremendous uncongenial words thrown upon me and the insult who imprinted in my heart is still fresh and vivid in this spiral life of mine. I’m sorry if i offended you, it’s not because I hated you but it’s because my love for you is true but jealous. it’s not me who initiated such but its because you tried to mangle the life i am having. and so as denying and forcing our mutual feelings – and so I agree but it’s no fault if a spiraled person like me goes beyond it – and that it was a consented one for you know and you the true feelings yet you forced me to let it out. why and what the fuck we are in if such will kill me and destroy my being? how could someone do that to me? the one whom I love so much and the one whom i treasured a lot.

I read melancholy

2008-02-12T13:16:00.000+08:00

Just now i read somebody's blog...it was emotional. Though the theme was sad and lonesome but i commend the author for being honest exhibiting the words that rhymed into a heartfelt story...

Somehow i feel nostalgic, i can feel i had the same situation long ago but mine was a case of loving someone but never loved in return. I hear the song of yesterday blues again :) but they don't haunt me anymore, not to the point they lead me to brokenheart avenue. I have learned many lessons, numerous trials that made me strong and unbreakable, But sometimes i couldn't help myself wonder if everything was the way i always hoped it to be...happy ever after. We all yearn for "happy ever after" don't we? even it only happens in fairy tales but there is a possibility it can come true, right?
hmmm...Wishful thinking, we are good at it:) i have to be in first place when it comes to imagination. Yes, imagination is all that matters to me when all the world is hurting, I just close my eyes and think everything is the opposite of whats happening in reality and it works well :) even if its just a dream but a worthwhile dream it is.

Going back to that blog, i can share the same sentiments but i do not wish to elaborate and rekindle the past, whats done is done and it happened for a reason. If i can give an advice..perhaps not an advice but a straightforward answer to the writer, i have to say you did your part well, There is nothing more you can do better when you have done your best. "Di ka nagkulang", you just know how to love sincerely. So, if you are thinking what is loving sincerely have to do with your present circumstance and ask further will it help alleviate the yearning and the pangs of solitude? well, yes and yes...it all depends on how adamantly hopeful you are for new beginnings. Loving sincerely is often misunderstood by those who never knew how because it is their imperfection but for those who does... :) you know the answer.

I remember a good friend who told me once, "Loving is meant for a reason and sometimes for only a season" ----> Sounds cheesy right? it does and undoubtedly undeniably true.
if we try to comprehend the phrase, loving someone has always a reason either good, bad or ugly it has to have a reason, even the most trivial cause for it no exception. They say love is a many splendor things, of all that which you seek are in there like a basket full of goodies to relish. But sometimes things can get sour when in the long run & parting ways has to happen. A Sad eventuality due to irresolvable issues and dilemmas but its a normal occurrence as life itself unfolds a new chapter for both lovers. And now Loving for a season comes in to place and its usually the case, when one finds himself/herself to the point of losing the other forever then the relationship was never meant to be. Still there is always something to be glad about despite the insurmountable heaviness of despair deviates you from living normally since being alone is never easy especially when you are accustomed living as one with the significant other. Figuratively, its like you are in the middle of an immovable object in collision with an unstoppable force...you can't describe the feeling.

Truth is i have to cut this blog short, i'm not an expert on this field. And if ever i continue i'm just opening wounds to reckon.

My last message, however the situation is always be hopeful...its the only lifesaver you have until someone rescues you...it only take time. Cheers!

Happy Heart's Day!!! Let's Celebrate LOVE

V day

2008-02-11T13:22:00.000+08:00

The month of the hearts...February and it's day on 14th.
So what's so special about this event? A lot, all those mushy stuffs, chocolates, presents with the color red and the ever unfailing heart symbol accompanied with sweet lines that melts you to the core. All the things that makes you feel like in cloud 9....yup a collection of delicatessens you only get to have at it's fullness on this day...if, that is your attached;)

haha unlikely from someone who doesn't have anyone should explain tid bits on it :P I never celebrated Valentine's day with anyone though i really wished i had but fate doesn't seem to want me with anybody sincere enough. I guess bad luck on my side, well not really, i should be fair since there were those who gave signals to be a contender but obnoxiously suplado ako lol haha:) Because of that Character...solitude is my friend, i deserve it somehow.
But i remember couple of years ago i used to celebrate it with someone very special, the best part i recall was the time we were on bay side watching as the sunset goes down. Serene and tranquil backdrop i converse much about everyday life, my dreams and goals......it was all nice, that is all i can describe. i can still smell the scent of sea breeze on that day like it was yesterday and i want to enliven back again. Perhaps that would be a good idea, since i have no one to celebrate i might as well call and ask again.

Isn't that right Lord? it's you and me again on hearts day like it was years ago.

Thy Will be Done!

2008-02-10T06:42:00.000+08:00

No more hiding. No more running away. I surrender! I wish to write the details but i would leave that to another entry. Funny how we sometimes ask the same question to get a favorable response knowing that we'll still be lead to the same answer. When God said it, that settles it. It's final! We may take detours and be delayed but God's plan will still prevail. Everything that happens is either God-set or God-used. We may try to argue and bargain, but still we'll just end up hurting ourselves. So we might as well cooperate. "Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery." (Ecclesiastes 8:5-6)

And yes Lord, I am stepping up. To your grace I will cling to. No more excuses!

God would really send people to confirm the Word that you have received from Him. It may be from a random encounter from people you barely know, from a preaching of a Pastor/Priest or just through a conversation with a friend. Amazing how God can really make his presence and promise obvious. His Word becoming flesh, an experience that you wish not to let go of.

I had been asking the Lord why I am still in the Philippines. And I was directed to His Word given on the start of this year. I keep a pen and paper journal and was prompted to go back to my old devotions. Amazing how God will make us remember of the promise through His Word that has been spoken to us. It led me to Isaiah 61 and Joshua 1: 3-18.

In conclusion, I realize that everything that we ask/search for, has already been graciously given to us. As the Word has already been spoken so shall it be done. Isaiah 55:11 says, "So shall my word be that goes forth out of My mouth: it shall not return to me void (without producing effect, useless), but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." Sometimes we don't really need a New Word. Sometimes we need to go back to an old promise and declare it to become a reality. What we need is a fresh revelation of a familiar WORD, for it to become a Glorious Experience- An Encounter.

As for me, am just grateful and humbled for His word that transforms and Am looking forward to more revelations and best days ahead.

Have a blessed Sunday!

That's why it's falling

2008-02-09T12:57:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's stupid to fall for someone that fast, i mean how could u fall for someone you just met right? but i think that's the mystery of it ..... that's why it's called falling inlove.... you don't plan it nor think about it you just fall.... the hard part is if the person your falling with won't catch you. It sucks but that's reality we can't change it. We can't blame them or get mad at them it's not their fault it's nobody's fault actually just accept it the way it is. You just have to be ready always especially if it ends up the way you don't want it to end up. Save a little strengh for yourself, don't assume they feel the same for you it'll hurt so much and you'll feel stupid. It takes time... we can never predict the future maybe now you're not on the same page but who knows maybe one day they will lucky you. And If they don't then unlucky them.... So be careful if you can control it control it don't ever ever ever fall for their words that easy beggings are really like that sweet,happy, fun, exciting.... if you can't control it then just let it be be ready for the consequence you have to face.....whatever the outcome is im sure it'll make you a stronger or better person.... Good luck guys....

Kung Hei Fat Choi

2008-02-07T13:17:00.000+08:00

I got this from this website (Exploring Chinese History):

Many centuries ago, the Chinese had no means to measure time. The Yellow Jade Emperor, the Emperor of Heaven, decided to arrange a contest. He invited all animals to a race on his birthday. The first 12 animals who cross the swift current river and reach the designated shore would be assigned to the 12 Zodiac Years.
The cat and the rat, who were once good friends and poor swimmers, convinced the ox to carry them across the river. Being naive, gullible, good-natured, the powerful swimmer ox agreed. As they were crossing the river, the rat was worried that the cat might win the race; so the rat pushed the cat into the river. This explains why cats hate rats, because they never forgave the rat for the incident. Right before the ox and the rat reached the shore, the rat jumped off the ox's back and took first place in the race.
As the Jade Emperor named the ox as the 2nd zodiac animal, the tiger reached the finished line. Panting his way toward the Jade Emperor, the tiger explained that he had difficulty crossing the river because the current kept pushing him down stream. With his powerful strength, he was able to reach the shore safely. The Emperor recorded the tiger as the 3rd zodiac animal.
From a distance, the crowd heard a thumping noise. Twitching its pinkish nose, the rabbit told the crowd that he had to hop from one stone to another in order to cross the river. Luckily, he was able to get hold of a floating log which finally washed him to shore. The Emperor named the rabbit, the 4th zodiac animal.
In the 5th place came the dragon flying and belching fire in the air. Jade Emperor was very curious as to why the dragon came in late for he can fly and swim. Because the mighty dragon could not bare to see his people and all the creatures on earth suffer a drought, he had to stop to make rain. When he reached the river, he spotted a helpless little rabbit clutching tightly to a log, so he gave a little puff and blew the log with the rabbit on it to the shore.
Just as the Jade Emperor complimented the dragon for his consideration, he heard the horse whining and galloping. From out of the horse's hoof sneaked a shrewd slimy snake. The sudden appearance and the hissing of the snake startled the horse and made him jump backwards, thus forcing the horse to fall in 7th place and the snake to take the 6th place in the race.
From a distance, approached the sheep, the monkey, and the rooster. The rooster proudly described how he had spotted a raft from a high ground, picked up the sheep, and the monkey. Along the way, the monkey and the sheep helped clear the weeds, pulled and pushed the raft to the shore. The Emperor complimented the trios for their combined efforts and named the sheep the 8th of the zodiac animals, the monkey the 9th, and the rooster the 10th.
Just as the Emperor was making the record official, next came the dog . The dog was trying to justify to the Emperor why, being one of the best swimmers, he was late. It turned out that the dog hadn't had a bath for a long time. The river water was so clean and fresh that he had to stop. The dog was recorded as the 11th zodiac animal.
Jade Emperor was about to dismiss the crowd and retire from the long day when he heard an oink and a squeal from the little pig who was waddling down the path. Needless to explain, the pig was hungry during the race and he stopped for a feast. After the feast, he felt tired and took a little nap. The little pig made it as the last of the 12th zodiac animals.

2008 is the year of the rat! the first placer (shrewd, little ... )

2007 was indeed the year of the little pig. festive and sleep-inducing afterwards.

so the race begins all over again... ready, set, go!!!

Patience: the virtue

2008-02-06T13:16:00.000+08:00

We’re both not fools. Yet when we do something so wrong to each other we act like fools…perhaps our love is so strong for one another we are blinded by the fact that life is going on and that we cannot stop it for anything. Even us. Perhaps it’s just me thinking so. And for that I made a grave mistake. Lashing out at you like that was one of the worst things I could do…to hurt you so much, not violently but emotionally…

I want to cry, because I am truly scared this time it is over. When I don’t want it to be. maybe my heart this time is simply refusing reality and that it is holding on to that idealistic life I have for us….after when I told you myself to not live in such an idealistic way.

I’m not to sure what to make of things…I used you to seek comfort when I couldn't’t in anyone else…I foolishly believed you could handle it for me. When you shouldn't’t. It was me who needed to take a good look at myself and how I am to you. But how? When I am too proud to even admit that I did you wrong? Clashing with my absolute love for you… I can’t bear to let you go. Let us go…

But why wallow? Why should I be so miserable? I know you don’t want me to be…because all you ever wanted was for us to be happy….as I do.

Giving you your time is so hard on me…because it just makes me miss you more and more…
but if I am to place my part in hoping we will one day reach our life goals together…then I must be patient….it is something i did not fully feel the need to learn...but now...when i can feel the absolute loneliness...i will be patient...i will control myself...because i love you.

Happy Tuesday

2008-02-05T13:38:00.000+08:00

Today was a happy tuesday... not because the weather is getting a bit better now and it has nothing to do with the fact that i did get 5 hrs of sleep last night, not 2, not 3 but 5!...

i woke up this morning feeling so much better, this is a very rare feeling... you see i'm not a morning person, i hate waking up before 9 or 10 am... blame it on my sleeping disorder, the so-called insomia... i felt like a different person.

i dreamt of you last night... it was the most beautiful dream i've had for such a long time... if only i could command my brain to dream of you every night for the rest of my life, i would never wanna wake up again... ya make me happy :-) ya put a smile on my face... funny how yer the reason of my very first happy monday when ya don't even know me... thank you anyway.

i could only talk to you, touch you, be with you in my dreams...only in my dreams but thank you anyway... i am content but will never be satisfied.. hoping these dreams will soon come true...

- good night baby! thanks for staying! sleep tight

LESSON 101

2008-02-03T06:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, let them go & move on, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free from all the pains, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them & show them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

Jealous

2008-02-02T13:58:00.000+08:00

Question: Why do I get so jealous when my partner talks to other people?
Answer: When you first connected with your partner and looked into their eyes, it felt like he or she was the only person in the room. As you get deeper into your relationship and call yourselves a couple, the realization hits you: You and your partner are not alone on this planet. There are others! Are they a threat?
When we are in a committed relationship, we assume the connection we have with each other will be strong enough to fend off outside threats. In some ways, this you-belong-to-me-and-I-belong-to-you mentality is sweet; it's the stuff of pop songs and poetry. But sometimes the intensity of that connection is too strong.
When one partner sees everyone whom his or her partner comes into contact with as a potential threat, it is
a sign that jealousy has taken hold
a sign that jealousy has taken hold. Shakespeare called it "the green-eyed monster," and once it gets a hold of your relationship, it sinks its teeth in and can rip it apart.

What causes jealousy?

If you've got strong feelings of jealousy, it's probably a sign that you don't have enough trust in your partner that he or she is being faithful to you. That lack of trust may be prompted by one of four factors.
You may feel insecure about your self-worth. In these cases, either you've been raised to believe, or some part of your inner self feels, that you just don't measure up. Because you don't love yourself, you can't believe that others would love you, so you live in fear that your partner's "true" feelings will be revealed and she will leave.
You're prone to cheating on your partner -- maybe even have done so. Knowing what you're capable of, you project that behavior onto your partner.
You and your partner haven't yet figured out how to
establish safe boundaries within the relationship
establish safe boundaries within the relationship. Having a tight bond is about building walls around your love with windows that allow others to be part of it -- not doors where competing lovers can walk right in and disrupt your home. Because you don't know what's permissible within the relationship and what's not, you're constantly on your toes.
Your mate is cheating on you. Cheating doesn't have to include sex; it often has to do with making emotional connections to others outside the relationship. If your partner is sharing things about your private life with attractive members of the opposite sex, it robs a sense of intimacy from your relationship and leaves you feeling vulnerable.
Knowing the factors that lead to jealousy is an important first step to getting things fixed.
Put your focus on building trust
Put your focus on building trust. If you've got some growing up to do, therapy may help. Both of you have to learn how to set boundaries in the relationship. That requires respecting your mate's definition of limits of outside relationships from the start.
Over time, as trust builds, you and your partner can redefine what feels safe for the relationship. After all, when you've got a great relationship, you want to share it with the world.

(ref.yahoo)

Closure

2008-01-30T13:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you love someone so much, you’re ready to give you’re all.

And you know in your heart you are giving you’re all, giving your best.

Sometimes, when you thought it’s over, fate plays with you and give you another chance.
And another.

And then you give your all, you’re best.

Or so you thought.

Sometimes, you say things that break the heart. Do things that rip the soul. And you can never take it back.

You can never take it back.

Most of the time, you just have to listen to your heart. Listen to your heart. Feel the love, and the pain that comes after the love.

And you’ll know what to do.

Sometimes, the chance that you have… is your last chance.

My Name's Hidden Meaning

2008-01-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

My Name's Hidden Meaning...
My First Name is Marvin Gil - and here's the meaning on both of my names. By the way, I got this link from a good friend! Thanks!

What Marvin Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.
You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.
Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What Gil Means

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You want to check yours? go to What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

LIFE...in a way i could never imagine

2008-01-28T12:48:00.000+08:00

I'm restless...

Really, i can't help it. Too many question, so confusing, so much in a place where it so-called brain....

Last night, i had a conversation. With someone who called me a friend...

Again, i am always in a lane, a repetition. Why i never realize that, my life is just a test. Why i can't see that, the reality doesn't go the way my dream does, the way my fantasies does, why can't i see that the reality is much more real than what my fantasies would be like...

It just me...

It has always been just me...

Me, myself and i.

I should, you know, really, just forget about everything and live life the way i should be, live life the way people like me have, live life without having any sense of reality, without having any feelings...

Soulless...

Loveless....

In life, we often get what we want, but we must cherish and acknowledge those who came by, those who touch our life, because we never know, maybe all this time, what we have been chasing is right in front of us...

i can't understand why i end up being me...

why i end up miserably....

i can't see, which is right, which is wrong anymore. i don't understand why it must be me who always suffer...

then again, everything in this life is just a test. a test that significantly made us more stronger or end up suicide. a test that was meant for us to have it...

some of us is strong. can accept the test and live through it... i don't know if i am strong. i cannot say that i am stronger now for living through this hell. i don't really know how, that i, survived this whole time...

till now, i still don't know how i can stay the way i am...

with everything that happened, i know they happened for a reason, but i don't know how, or why, why it must be me, and why that i cannot be some else, why that i am trapped, and why those fucking people around me never could understand how much pain that i am having, they can only laugh, and keep on laughing...

say nasty things about me...

say everything they want about me, like i am nothing but just a puppet with no feelings or whatsoever...

and it hurts...

it hurts really bad...

i want to cry now... but what's the point?

the blame is all on me...

i guess i am a dreamer....

i have to run, hide...

cause i don't want to return to my room alone....

The Ex-Factor

2008-01-26T12:57:00.000+08:00

Few things in life are more annoying than the "Ex-factor". If someone is not over their ex, no matter how hot, sexy, intelligent and sweet you are, it won't matter, because they are not in a position to appreciate it at the moment. They are living in the past. You are competing with someone they have a history with, who knows them a lot better than you do and who they share a lot of good memories with.
How do you know if someone isn't over their ex? Two clues are if they're always mentioning the other person, when there is clearly no reason for it or if they refuse to discuss the ex. So what can you do? Practice what I call the:"Lose'em to keep "em"move. Sit your sweetie down and say: I like you and enjoy being with you, but it doesn't seem as if you're over your ex. Tha''s not fair to either one of us and I can't continue to see you under these circumstances. I think you need to go and do whatever you need to, in order to figure out what you want. This will probably surprise them and they may even deny still being into the ex, but don't fall for it. No matter how much they beg and plead, stand by your statement. If they ask whether you are going to be dating others, let them know it's a possibility.

Don't worry that if they get back with their ex it will be over forever with you. The ex is an ex for a reason, something obviously wasn't working. More often than not, if they do get back together, eventually they'll fall into the same patterns, and before you know it, they'll start having problems again.

The Type:

The ex: An ex can often be a significant factor in your relation with the person and all too often the effect of an ex can be rather negative...

The Stalker Ex: When ur out on date, the ex's spy or the ex them self is everyway! arghhhh...

"The Friendly Ex": The Ex call call/email occasionally or even still do things together as friends. or the worse case is when ur partner Ex want to be friend with u. Pls Never trust when the ex is just being nice...

Cheers...MOVE ON MARS!

Sense of Existence

2008-01-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

It is not so much to ask God why in the tides of unfortunate events you still walk on Earth. It is as if even if it seems God doesn’t strike you with a drip of fire, you suffer. If He does, you still suffer. You realize that with or without God’s work, you suffer endlessly. Amazing how one minute you are ready to fall off a cliff with your heart entangled with deep hatred of your past, and not long afterwards you look at the heavens and ask God to give you one more chance to know the reason why you exist.

You wake up this morning and still feel the anger fuming out of your body. You remember asking God to give you peace and yet now, you can still feel the pain. You feel betrayed. It is not so much to complain that the world is one big hell. Where is God? You think there is none because if there is one, you must be walking the earth with peace in your heart. No, you must be walking this earth with slaves kneeling down to beg for your mercy.

You see, man is a selfish mammal, what with his grand desire to conquer the world, and yet can only stoop down below the rage of nature. It is as if God has thrown every possible combination of His own self to the playground He built, not out of vain with His power, but perhaps out of curiosity, and yet has been hesitant to create human beings as equal as Him. Man searches for his destiny, fights the tirades of obstacles set upon him, walks his way towards what seems to him a clear but blurred vision, and so on and so forth, thinking that his brothers and sisters are also creating the notion of life in its core sense. Have they really understood life in its core sense? All living humans seem to claim they do, and yet deep inside their hearts, fear and confusion abound. They will die someday but certainty to understand life will remain uncertain. And so, you understand now why this world is one big asshole… why you are one big asshole.

Just Nothing

2008-01-23T14:10:00.000+08:00

I feel so sad tonight but the tears have all dried up. How I wish I could still cry like a little boy. Sadness makes its new face - smile. This is one of the saddest moments in my life. If only a person can understand. If only a person knows that what hurts most is to let go of something that will always stick in the system, forever. If only a person knows that its torture giving the impression that it's okay even though it kills you deep inside. If only a person knows its more than torture never being loved in return, and worst knowing that there's somebody that person loves who will never love that person back too. I dunno if you get it, its kinda like a "he loves her, she loves another, another doesn't love her". I'll never forget. I want to forget the past year but its history. I always trust myself. I failed several times but I always get up. This has just gotta take some time. But I'l go home. That's for sure.

Wait for you

2008-01-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

I have vowed to myself that I will not allow anyone to dampen my spirits and I will never be daunted by pessimism. If things do not go my way, then I will patiently wait for things to fall into place. I always believed that everything happens for a reason...that at the end of every dark tunnel there will be light...that every cloud has a silver lining. Lately, it seems that there is something (or someone) shrouding the silver lining of my cloud. I am hoping for my sun to finally rise and shine but my clouds still look gloomy...yet I am still unfazed. I know my time will come. My prayers will be heard and sooner than I expect it, my prayers will finally be answered. All I have to do is have faith in Him and communicate with Him as often as I can. I know He will never fail me. He always fulfills His promises especially to those who wait patiently and believe in Him. One thing I realized is that my spiritual relationship with Him became stronger and that's a silver lining to the dark cloud I have.

being IN LOVE...magic of love

2008-01-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

The best part of being in love is to have someone caring for you, making you feel special and bringing out the best in you. You feel that your existence matters for someone.

At the height of that intense feeling, you do your best to please the person. Your world will usually revolve around that person. You always think and find ways to surprise the person and make him/her realize how much you love him/her. You're seeing the future with the person and hoping that everything will stay the way it is. That he'll make you feel so in love forever.

Then reality sets in, that intense feeling begins to fade. Both your real sides are beginning to show. Demands and expectations are beginning to be imposed. You'll begin to doubt, ask questions and be disappointed from stood-up dates, unanswered calls, uncaring comments/actions and forgotten special events. You will then begin to nag and to push the other person to the limit without realizing you're pushing that person away and suffocating in the process.

This is the worst part of being in love...loosing yourself in the process and expecting the person (who you love) to be the same person you thought he would be. That person who promised to love you endlessly. You forget that anything can change and happen while being in the relationship. You're expecting that everything will happen the way you want it to be.

When these expectations were not met, you'll begin to get hurt. You'll blame that person for making you fall. You'll blame yourself for being foolish and letting yourself fall. You'll eventually hurt that person also. Then the love will eventually fade leaving the pain behind. Then you have to go through the process of letting go and picking up the pieces again. You will feel that you are more incomplete than before.

Before being inlove, one must learn how to leave a part of you. You must have loved yourself first before someone. You must always bear in mind that nothing is permanent in this world, that people and feelings can change anytime.

While being in love, you must enjoy the moment. Make the best you can for it. Learn to trust and let the person grow. At least if it didn't last, you will have something to remember and make you smile.

Lastly, it is only through acceptance that you will overcome the pain. It is only YOU who can heal YOU. Don't expect someone to make you happy; it is YOU who owns your world...

"Things that are not meant to be, will not meant to be..."

SOUL MATE

2008-01-20T06:32:00.000+08:00

I had actually posted this as a reaction to my friend's blog and now I decided to post as my blog too!
As I searched within myself for the right answer about who will be my soul mate is? It dawned on me how difficult the question is. How much more pushing one will go through in his/her quest for the right person. Am I going to wait? Or am I going to look around but either ways; it requires actions. But I clearly know the answer now and apparently this person shed some light on me. The truth just burst inside me which made sense as far as my understanding on the limitations of human feelings is. You just know love when it comes; you just tremendously feel it, and when it's real? There is no more questioning coz we are more than willing to embrace everything.

You see? I am in love! truly, madly, deeply, and inexplicably to a wonderful person, and I have never questioned nor doubted my feelings coz I have feverishly spent many hours joyfully and blissfully in the company of this beautiful being and I am always in awe of the ways we have wonderfully shared things and moments together. Mine shared could be a bond with ups and downs, hills and plains, straights and crooks, rough and soft, smooth and bumpy, round and square, sweet and sour, but what the heck! the world is full of imperfections and that made it beautiful and special. The bottom line is? Whether a soul mate or not? I will love the person so dearly coz without a doubt. . I do understand that Love is not a set of criteria but love is an emotion freely expressed unconditionally and once accepted, it's up to those people involved on how they nurture and keep the light of love aflame.

Soul mate is just like a piece of a puzzle that would fit to a tee, if we find one? we are lucky indeed coz it is heavenly, but if we cant? then that doesn't make us a lesser person in love either? Soul mate or not? I will always love you forever coz you are everything to me. . . . But in my heart and mind I surely would like to believe that you are indeed my soul mate whom I have waited for so long. . . .

The Lost Coin

2008-01-19T12:38:00.000+08:00

Something wonderful happen to me this week. It's wonderful because it's completely unexpected. Months ago, I prayed to God and asked him to help me find a friend who is understanding. Then, Lo' and Behold, He responded my prayer with someone whom I have known in the past. It was so amazing! As the saying goes, "Miracle happens everyday."

In a short period of time, my dearest friend and I shared our experiences. We exchanged text messages everyday for five days in a row, as if we were trying to connect the time we have missed from one another. As thoughtful as he could be, he showed his support and confidence in me and shared his life's journey in the last twelve years. I thought to myself, "how could I have missed his friendship before? Why it took years for me to find out what a wonderful person he is?"

I never knew that he did value my friendship until he said, "I found my lost coin!" And that made all the difference. Now I truly appreciate him.

N DEY SAY

2008-01-17T13:09:00.000+08:00

...i'm getting tired of life.. its really a bore..Everyday its about making choices, dealing with people..blah blah blah..

yes, some may say that i'm living in denial at times.. i choose to act ignorant towards matters which i don't have the confident outcome.. i wonder what do i want in life..frankly i FONT KNOW... i used to think that i know clearly what i want in life but now.... confusion.. i realized that now lately i have been in the situation which i never had before--following people's footsteps just to prevent talks/gossips.

Okie..though not serious decisions in life..but its scary for me..coz it might lead to that. its creeping back to me at times when least expected--a voice saying "is this the right thing to do? what will others say??"

So what to do? The "best" advice so far: you must think properly.. What kind of advice is that?? so til i figure out one day, meanwhile act ignorant...

Front Row

2008-01-16T13:09:00.000+08:00

Life is a theater. Invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time in draining negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay close attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you love certain people, do you feel better or worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income.

And so, we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information which we feed our minds.

We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed them with negative thoughts.

Who's in your front row now?

Kids Love Survey

2008-01-15T12:57:00.000+08:00

Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year ODs, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.
" Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

" When someone loves you, the way she says your name is different. You know that your name is safe in her mouth."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."

" Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

" Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss but they look happy and sometimes they dance in the kitchen while kissing."

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

" If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

"Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no."

" When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared she won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only does she still love you, she loves you even more ."

" There are 2 kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

" Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they've know each other so well."

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

" Love is-if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

" Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."

"Don't feel so bad if you don't have a boyfriend. There's lots of stuff you can do without one."

" Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

"If you want somebody to love you, then just be yourself. Some people try to act like somebody else, somebody the boy likes better. I think the boy isn't being very good if he does this to you and you should just find a nicer boy."

" Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day"

"When you're born and see your mommy for the first time.

" Love is what makes people hide in the dark corners of movie theaters."

"Love goes on even when you stop breathing and you pick up where you left off when you reach heaven."

" My enemies taught me how to love."

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

" You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

"You have to fall in love before you get married. Then when you're married, you just sit around and read books together."

"Love cards like Valentine's cards say stuff on them that we'd like to say ourselves, but we wouldn't be caught dead saying."

" When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

" You never have to be lonely. There's always somebody to love, even if it's just a squirrel or a kitten."
"You can break love, but it won't die."

Going back on the track...

2008-01-14T12:29:00.000+08:00

I thought of it a thousand times already. Not ready to take a single step.. Maybe, a single step forward… I guess. But going back? I don’t think I can. I was thinking of what It could have been if I just “go back” where I was supposed to be a year ago. Definitely, It was the right thing to do. But I’m not happy being on it. And It was so hard because I was fighting with my own feelings, my own self. I was in the middle of “would I rather be happy but undoubtedly wrong, or right but sad” situation… My Good friends never failed to remind me all the time, and they keep on giving pieces of advice of what I was supposed to do. But honestly? I'm old enough, and I knew already what I was supposed to do. But I don’t wanna do it because my heart is not into it. It was such a very selfish decision. I did it my way. Regardless of the people who might get hurt. It didn't’t bother me. I knew I might get hurt, but I took the risk. I am not afraid of taking the risk just to be happy. I thought of what would make me happy, at least even for that moment… I knew It wouldn't’t last, I just knew it. It was sort of a dream and I live my life, aware that any moment… it will be ended. I enjoyed every second of it, I never wasted my time.-Time to care, to love, to be happy, to be loved. That short period of time…that person was all “mine.” After a year of holding back… Is there a way to go back? Should I? For whom? For the little angel? Maybe I shouldn't’t think of my own happiness this time. I am afraid to go back and pick up all the pieces. What if I’m lost, didn't’t know the way back? Should I go back just because it was the right thing to do, though my heart is not willing to go back? My heart just wanted to move forward. Far beyond the past and the hurts of yesterday. I was looking back. I can see familiar places, faces. They are reaching out their hands on me. willing to show me the way. The way back. But I can’t take a step backward. Maybe, I’m still waiting for someone who would lead me into the direction of my happiness. For Now… I’ll just look back. I’ll just stand still.

Stressed...

2008-01-12T12:51:00.000+08:00

...am starting to lose control of everything again and i dont know why. it's been a month! but now, seems like am going back to my old self. the old me that everyone was eyeing on. i feel so helpless. i wanted to scream but i can't, Cox i know nobody will hear me. the people i can count on are gone. they're miles away and i cant just bother them everytime am feeling sad.

...though i have my everyday boardwork and it makes me busy at times, my personal problems still pops at the end of the day. hey! cant you see? i need you badly now. where are you? you're gone again. i need your guidance. anytime now, i will fall. i've waited for you for so long and now that everything's settled, you're missing again. i want to be with you. i want to feel you. be with me!

...am so stressed with work. i need somebody to take care of me, too. if only you can see what's inside my heart then you'll know how much am in pain now.

...dead!

Mars 2008

2008-01-10T13:16:00.001+08:00

Some expect me to be "perfect", but i'm not, for nobody is...i have my mistakes, weakness and fears, but i'm so contented for whatever life i have now..& it doesn't matter were i came from, my title, my family name..it always my dignity as a person that counts..others may see me as a stone not a gem, and i don't give a damn! I know who i am..how i care for the person i love.what i think and what i feel... Me, Myself, and I...not perfect but just the way I want it.I'm Mars, I am an impassioned individual who just can't suppress my ideals.I've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. There are times when i sit back to hear both sides of an argument.But people had better stay out of the way when my fiery passions take hold.But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean i 'm incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because i invested into my ideas and interests that i can work so tirelessly toward my goals and speak up for what believe in.I'm always good for a laugh that's most likely how friends describes me. With my quick wit, i can easily bring a smile to someone's face or lighten a situation with some much-needed comic relief. i' ve got an ability to laugh at myself and help others not take things too seriously... I'm very outgoing person. I love the little things in life and i know that they can make all the difference. Whether i' m giving, receiving, or just watching from afar, nothing brightens up my day like a token of affection or seeing people treat each other with kindness. Thoughtful and caring, I often put the needs of others above my own. That's why friends and family trust me, my goals, and advice they know that I always have the best of intentions at heart. It's simple really, making other people happy makes me happy. What could be better than that?i 'm an open-minded person.. i 'm also wacky when i feel like it..my mood is so unpredictable!!

HE loves you...

2008-01-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

We live, we die. sometimes we experience unimaginable joy, sometimes we fall deep into the valley of pain and sorrow, wondering how worth it is this life.
Is this life worth it then? Is it meaningful the way it is now, the way we spend every single day of our lives? Will it be meaningful then after we die? Lights out, erasing every of our cherished memories? Our good times, our bad times, our loved ones...

Is that meaningful???

Does life feel like an endless routine ending in a meaningless end, oblivion? Well, God has a purpose and meaning for your life. No matter how insignificant, useless or bad you think you are. Know why??

Because God loves you

Hitting the airwaves

2008-01-08T12:55:00.000+08:00

After every storm a rainbow appears and it's a fuck-in bright rainbow. I have been in past relationships that will not be described here, but I've said my goodbyes and paid my respects... But now I feel like I have to express what I'm feeling NOW.

Being among the crowd in a concert full of emotion, life, and passion... I felt so ALIVE. Watching the band, feeling the music, and being in his arms seemed to feel so RIGHT. Have you ever felt like you were suppose to be at a particular place, at a particular time, with that particular person? Have you ever felt so attuned with the world that the only thing you'll feel is that moment you are in and everything else just disappears? Have you ever felt so at peace that you ponder on how you lived life before all of this... all of the love and serenity? I have. At that moment I knew that I was suppose to be there, to be listening to music's expression about life. Our love! It was incredible! It was so powerful that I think everyone felt it.

I was busting with too much emotion that night that I think it tired me out because I wanted to type all of this then, but when I got home at 2pm I just fell on my bed. I don't know how else to describe what I was feeling and I know this did not do justice to it. Damn it! I should have stayed awake...

Through the crisis

2008-01-07T14:41:00.000+08:00

after the so-called crisis, am recovering now. some messages from my inbox during the 'storm'..pai: "it's easy to get something by means of hard working.. but it does no necessarily mean that you'll find happiness on it."

bom: "to walk is what i always do, i prefer not to look back to people who's no longer walking with me.."

ole: "jealousy is an emotional disease, get well soon!"

nix: "if loyalty is a product of honesty, then why do others lie?"

cuz: "that person helped me forget my sad story and yet, that person also started another one.."

rr: "you broke my world, but you made me stronger!"

bird: "if you need me, i need someone too. and am sorry.. it's not you!"

andi: "you can not hurt someone who feels nothing special to you.. you can not be hurt by someone unless that person is somewhat special for you.."

ms.joey: "it's the silence that tells it all. sometimes it's not about the yelling and the tears. all it takes is for 2 people to sit beside each other and feel that something is wrong, that what was there before isn't there anymore. that they're miserable when they're apart but they're worse when they're together. and that there are only 2 options left.. either they sit still and ignore the pain or one of them gathers enough courage to stand up and walk away.."

cathy: "self-respect."

junelle: "strong walls will shake but will never collapse."

lee: "when you go out of the real world, make sure someone is holding your hand."

bro: "the more things change, the more they stay the same. and sometimes change is good."

anonymous: "i'd rather love someone who can hurt me but will heal the pain than someone who can heal the pain but will hurt me."

b: "you can not hold it too long because if you do, you won't make it out alive."

ainee: "why am i here?"

joni: "find. replace. forget. accept."

myself: "to run after the person who left them or wait til they come back?"

Mo money...Mo problem

2008-01-05T14:05:00.000+08:00

This world is complicated nowadays... imagine this, many people just sit around and practically do nothing but yet they still dream of earning money... that's sick man.. come on.. that makes no sense.. no wonder a lot of people got tricked by get rich quick SCAMS!!! why did this happen... well you know why?? some people are so selfish and think that having a degree/diploma/etc is enough to survive in the world today... people might have never noticed that 'financial knowledge' is indeed important for every human being on the planet no matter age... they'll say why bother learning about money?? i know how to count money .. that's enough .. there's nothing more to money then knowing how to count.. WELL THAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!!!

...money comes and goes right? you work for money and then you spend it... imagine you are a college student right now.. one day you got lucky and suddenly won a lucky draw of 1 million .. that's a lot... well maybe for some people is alot.. well not for me.. huh.. then what do you do with the 1million?? of course you'll spend it right.. maybe buy a car, big house, treat friends, and many other things that might not benefit you... eventually the 1million will be gone...

...you could always save the money in the bank (which will get you nowhere with the small dividend you get from the bank every year). this is considered smart (for some people that is).

...you could learn and gain financial knowledge and then you will know what to do with the money to make it benefit you... sounds good right.. but you see, learning is a never ending story.. so don't expect to learn financial wisdom in a month or just read from textbooks or whatever... try to practice it in a way you think is suitable for you... bear in mind that the trick is to "make money work for you" but most of the people today are slaves of their master they call money... So what do you do know???

Should I be happy...

2008-01-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt stupid because of someone? And because of what you feel for that person? I used to think that being in love is a wonderful feeling and that being with someone is just like heaven. It feels good knowing that somehow someone loves you back in return. In the start of your relationship, everything seems to fit perfectly well for the both of you. You hardly notice each other's flaws. But then, in a span of time, you get to ask yourself if that person still sees your worth... Isn't it heart-breaking? Isn't it hurting knowing that you're with someone yet it feels like just as the same as you have no one. It's so stupid.
Sometimes, I think that I'd rather be alone. I could be happy with just friends around like I used to be. What's the use of being with that person when you can't be happy afterall? All I got are just heartaches and high hopes of what our relationship would be. I only got doubts and questions inside instead of being thankful, parang may kulang, I just dont know what, I mean I just cant explain what.. I guess I'm just expecting for something... People aren't all the same though...

Nothing Follows

2008-01-02T13:34:00.000+08:00

...all good things come to an end.

Why is it that everytime you're in love, you're like so happy all the time. But then, once you go into a relationship, your mind would start to build up doubts about how your relationship will go. You'd have this fear inside--the fear of losing that very person you love at the moment. We cannot let that person stay how long we want them to stay. If that person truly loves you, he would stay without being asked to. If we lose that person, we are then captivated by sadness.

...all good things come to an end.

Just like every song has its last note. But it takes a while for the wounds to heal though. It takes a while to get used to the fact that you're together no more. All those holding hands while walking moments, the laughter, the sweet nothings, will make the pain even worse, knowing that the person who once made your life in a bliss left you with nothing but mess. Love is like that. It's not everytime that you're in it for happiness. Sometimes you also have to give in to its bitterness. So love maturely, not idealistically.

F*** resolutions

2008-01-01T15:10:00.000+08:00

To Hell with New Year's resolutions!
F*** New Year's resolutions!I don't need a New Year to find a reason to resolve myself!

I think it pathetic to think that you have to force yourself to change in due part to one full revolution of the earth around the sun. It's maligned celestial self-righteousness and procrastination of an annual magnitude!

Although it may be a force for a change for the better for people all around the world, it shouldn't come to everyone as a surprise that there's a whole year to make resolutions and fulfill them!

It just doesn't make any sense, people!

Just my 2 cents in.

Happy New Year everyone! :D

MAKE WAY FOR 2008

2007-12-31T15:39:00.000+08:00

One more day left and 2007 will mark its end. 2008, WELCOME!

2007 was considerably a memorable one for me, besides meeting lots of diversed people outside of my world, i've also learned lots of things in life that I never imagined learning from them. While i was ruminating on my past and present, i've realized that i wasn't aware of how i seized my goals, that there are still pieces of cues left wandering and trying to find its roots for fulfillment.
Guess its part of the nature being human, and having a ground of being christians gives me a positive guilt to the pursuit of happiness.
Another year has passed, and most of us took chances on how we live our lives to the fullest, and yet another year to come,with such uncertainties ahead..I know each one of us has its own time in this world we live in, and only God knows when according to what he has designed for us.

Lord, i thank YOU for giving me the strenght to go on living everyday despite of all the uncertainties i have in life and for this, i lift up to YOU all of us here on earth. May we all continue to praise and thank YOU for all the blessings we've received and are yet to come, this i asked in YOUR HOLY name..AMEN.

I wish this 2008... let us strive to see what is good because there is goodness even in the most wicked person and the storm will pass once the sun appears in the sky...
blessed be.

Point and shoot

2007-12-30T07:54:00.000+08:00

That's right.. Don't ask.. just point and shoot!! that's how I see it. Some people don't bother asking questions. They just make things up with their brilliant mind of theirs.

What if you saw someone standing a dead body? Was he the killer? Don't judge.. He may have just passed the crime scene.. I dunno about you.. but i'd say the criminal might laughing his ass out..

What if you saw a man pick up a wallet on the street a woman was shouting "where's my wallet??" damn you prick.. give him a good shot to the liver maybe? Then you'll realize he was just helping find the thing and being a show-off that you are, you whacked the poor guys ass.. Insolent dickwad.

I dunno.. I guess my point here is that it never hurts to ask.. I always do. I don't assume things. coz if we derive it:

ASSUME = ASS + U + ME

See, by assuming, u make an ass out of you and that person.

Why are you reading this? I bet you're a sucker!!

Neat.

Paramore

2007-12-29T12:26:00.000+08:00

I woke up to a lousy morning.
Much to my chagrin, the rest of my day followed the same pattern.

When something bad happens over and over again,
don't you think it's time to consider the possibility
that you're doing something wrong?
Don't you think these recurring patterns
are a strong indication that change is needed?

And what do you do?
You just sit down, pat yourself on your shoulder,
and just say that you cannot change
because this is who you are?

I am way beyond fuming angry.
I am sad. I am pained.
Pained at the thought that such change can be so elusive,
in spite of the fact that the lack of which pains me so.

"Maybe if my heart stops beating,
it won't hurt this much.
& never will I have to answer again to anyone."
-Paramore

Being Poor

2007-12-27T15:04:00.000+08:00

Being poor is the ultimate opportunity handed by a person. Being poor is no excuse for being filthy & uneducated. Being poor is no excuse for living in a dirty house & wearing dirty clothes. Being poor is no excuse for living surrounded by clutter & garbage. Being poor means that,. if u cant presently afford University/College you can still educate yourself until such time as that goal is within your reach.
Being poor means being sorrounded by necessities, Being rich means sorrounded by "things".
When your rich you can buy perceived happiness but when your poor you make ur own happiness.
Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouths & some have to go looking for it. They end up a better people for chasing after it because they have to learn valuable lessons along the way.
Being poor means you start at the bottom & work your way up..I know its hard to work your way up, but the trip worth the effort. You ll never forget what you learned along the way.
Being poor means you have to give back to life, something to look up to, something to achieve.
Whereas,. when your rich you are always looking down. Stop saying I'm poor, poor, poor!!!!!!!!
Pretty soon you'll begin to believe it..Start saying I am a temporary financial disadvantage right now but I can do something about it.

Whatever happens...happens

2007-12-26T16:22:00.000+08:00

What will you do if you're not happy with your relationship anymore? Should you choose to stay & save the relationship? Or choose the other way around? Either way, you still have to make a choice.. If you choose to stay, make sure that you can work through it & not just to let it stay that way. Being unhappy means that the spark is almost gone. If you wanted to save your relationship, find ways to lit it up. But question is, "how?". I'm so tired of this shit! I'm so tired of understanding why this relationship doesn't seem to work out the way it should be. I'm beginning to question if love still exist here... It's so annoying to think that you're attached with someone (physically) but it seems like you're not (emotionally)... I hate to think that you does'nt give a damn about me! Oh yeah, on the contrary, I think you do, because you said so... Sheesh! I don't even feel like you cared that much... Why am I feeling like I'm taken for granted? I won't be feeling this way if you knows how to handle this relationship... Sometimes I think I'd rather be free... But some thing's trying to pull me back when I feel like talking about these things... Maybe, it's because I'm still hoping for a change? Will there be a change? Nah! I don't think so... Right now, I'm still sticking to: "whatever happens, happens..."

Little Girl's Christmas: A Christmas Fairy Tale

2007-12-25T14:54:00.000+08:00

It was Christmas Eve, and Little Girl had just hung up her stocking by the fireplace--right where it would be all ready for Santa when he slipped down the chimney. She knew he was coming, because--well, because it was Christmas Eve, and because he always had come to leave gifts for her on all the other Christmas Eves that she could remember, and because she had seen his pictures everywhere down town that afternoon when she was out with Mother. Still, she wasn't JUST satisfied. 'Way down in her heart she was a little uncertain--you see, when you have never really and truly seen a person with your very own eyes, it's hard to feel as if you exactly believed in him--even though that person always has left beautiful gifts for you every time he has come. "Oh, he'll come," said Little Girl; "I just know he will be here before morning, but somehow I wish--" "Well, what do you wish?" said a Tiny Voice close by her--so close that Little Girl fairly jumped when she heard it. "Why, I wish I could SEE Santa myself. I'd just like to go and see his house and his workshop, and ride in his sleigh, and know Mrs. Santa--'would be such fun, and then I'd KNOW for sure." "Why don't you go, then?" said Tiny Voice. "It's easy enough. Just try on these Shoes, and take this Light in your hand, and you'll find your way all right." So Little Girl looked down on the hearth, and there were two cunning little Shoes side by side, and a little Spark of a Light close to them--just as if they were all made out of one of the glowing coals of the wood-fire. Such cunning Shoes as they were--Little Girl could hardly wait to pull off her slippers and try them on. They looked as if they were too small, but they weren't--they fitted exactly right, and just as Little Girl had put them both on and had taken the Light in her hand, along came a little Breath of Wind, and away she went up the chimney, along with ever so many other little Sparks, past the Soot Fairies, and out into the Open Air, where Jack Frost and the Star Beams were all busy at work making the world look pretty for Christmas. Away went Little Girl--Two Shoes, Bright Light, and all--higher and higher, until she looked like a wee bit of a star up in the sky. It was the funniest thing, but she seemed to know the way perfectly, and didn't have to stop to make inquiries anywhere. You see it was a straight road all the way, and when one doesn't have to think about turning to the right or the left, it makes things very much easier. Pretty soon Little Girl noticed that there was a bright light all around her--oh, a very bright light--and right away something down in her heart began to make her feel very happy indeed. She didn't know that the Christmas spirits and little Christmas fairies were all around her and even right inside her, because she couldn't see a single one of them, even though her eyes were very bright and could usually see a great deal. But that was just it, and Little Girl felt as if she wanted to laugh and sing and be glad. It made her remember the Sick Boy who lived next door, and she said to herself that she would carry him one of her prettiest picture-books in the morning, so that he could have something to make him happy all day. By and by, when the bright light all around her had grown very, very much brighter, Little Girl saw a path right in front of her, all straight and trim, leading up a hill to a big, big house with ever and ever so many windows in it. When she had gone just a bit nearer, she saw candles in every window, red and green and yellow ones, and every one burning brightly, so Little Girl knew right away that these were Christmas candles to light her on her journey, and make the way dear for her, and something told her that this was Santa's house, and that pretty soon she would perhaps see Santa himself. Just as she neared the steps and before she could possibly have had time to ring the bell, the door opened--opened of itself as wide as could be--and there stood--not Santa himself--don't think it--but a funny Little Man with slender little legs and a Roley-poly stomach which shook every now and then when he laughed. You would have known right away, just as Little Girl knew, that he was a very happy little man, and you would have guessed right away, too, that the reason he was so roly-poly was because he laughed and chuckled and smiled all the time--for it's only sour, cross folks who are thin and skimpy. Quick as a wink, he pulled off his little peaked red cap, smiled the broadest kind of a smile, and said, "Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Come in! Come in!" So in went Little Girl, holding fast to Little Man's hand, and when she was really inside there was the jolliest, reddest fire all glowing and snapping, and there were Little Man and all his brothers and sisters, who said their names were "Merry Christmas," and "Good Cheer," and ever so many other jolly-sounding things, and there were such a lot of them that Little Girl just knew she never could count them, no matter how long she tried. All around her were bundles and boxes and piles of toys and games, and Little Girl knew that these were all ready and waiting to be loaded into Santa's big sleigh for his reindeer to whirl them away over cloud tops and snowdrifts to the little people down below who had left their stockings all ready for him. Pretty soon all the little Good Cheer Brothers began to hurry and bustle and carry out the bundles as fast as they could to the steps where Little Girl could hear the jingling bells and the stamping of hoofs. So Little Girl picked up some bundles and skipped along too, for she wanted to help a bit herself--it's no fun whatever at Christmas unless you can help, you know--and there in the yard stood the BIGGEST sleigh that Little Girl had ever seen, and the reindeer were all stamping and prancing and jingling the bells on their harnesses, because they were so eager to be on their way to the Earth once more. She could hardly wait for Santa to come, and just as she had begun to wonder where he was, the door opened again and out came a whole forest of Christmas trees, at least it looked just as if a whole forest had started out for a walk somewhere, but a second glance showed Little Girl that there were thousands of Christmas sprites, and that each one carried a tree or a big Christmas wreath on his back. Behind them all, she could hear some one laughing loudly, and talking in a big, jovial voice that sounded as if he were good friends with the whole world. And straightway she knew that Santa himself was coming. Little Girl's heart went pit-a-pat for a minute while she wondered if Santa would notice her, but she didn't have to wonder long, for he spied her at once and said: "Bless my soul! who's this? and where did you come from?" Little Girl thought perhaps she might be afraid to answer him, but she wasn't one bit afraid. You see he had such a kind little twinkle in his eyes that she felt happy right away as she replied, "Oh, I'm Little Girl, and I wanted so much to see Santa that I just came, and here I am!" "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!" laughed Santa, "and here you are! Wanted to see Santa, did you, and so you came! Now that's very nice, and it's too bad I'm in such a hurry, for we should like nothing better than to show you about and give you a real good time. But you see it is quarter of twelve now, and I must be on my way at once, else I'll never reach that first chimney-top by midnight. I'd call Mrs. Santa and ask her to get you some supper, but she is busy finishing dolls' clothes which must be done before morning, and I guess we'd better not bother her. Is there anything that you would like, Little Girl?" and good old Santa put his big warm hand on Little Girl's curls and she felt its warmth and kindness clear down to her very heart. You see, my dears, that even though Santa was in such a great hurry, he wasn't too busy to stop and make some one happy for a minute, even if it was some one no bigger than Little Girl. So she smiled back into Santa's face and said: "Oh, Santa, if I could ONLY ride down to Earth with you behind those splendid reindeer! I'd love to go; won't you PLEASE take me? I'm so small that I won't take up much room on the seat, and I'll keep very still and not bother one bit!" Then Santa laughed, SUCH a laugh, big and loud and rollicking, and he said, "Wants a ride, does she? Well, well, shall we take her, Little Elves? Shall we take her, Little Fairies? Shall we take her, Good Reindeer?" And all the Little Elves hopped and skipped and brought Little Girl a sprig of holly; and all the Little Fairies bowed and smiled and brought her a bit of mistletoe; and all the Good Reindeer jingled their bells loudly, which meant, "Oh, yes! let's take her! She's a good Little Girl! Let her ride!" And before Little Girl could even think, she found herself all tucked up in the big fur robes beside Santa, and away they went, right out into the air, over the clouds, through the Milky Way, and right under the very handle of the Big Dipper, on, on, toward the Earth-land, whose lights Little Girl began to see twinkling away down below her. Presently she felt the runners scrape upon something, and she knew they must be on some Ines roof, and that Santa would slip down some one's chimney in a minute. How she wanted to go, too! You see if you had never been down a chimney and seen Santa fill up the stockings, you would want to go quite as much as Little Girl did, now, wouldn't you? So, just as Little Girl was wishing as hard as ever she could wish, she heard a Tiny Voice say, "Hold tight to his arm! Hold tight to his arm!" So she held Santa's arm tight and close, and he shouldered his pack, never thinking that it was heavier than usual, and with a bound and a slide, there they were, Santa, Little Girl, pack and all, right in the middle of a room where there was a fireplace and stockings all hung up for Santa to fill. Just then Santa noticed Little Girl. He had forgotten all about her for a minute, and he was very much surprised to find that she had come, too. "Bless my soul!" he said, "where did you come from, Little Girl? and how in the world can we both get back up that chimney again? It's easy enough to slide down, but it's quite another matter to climb up again!" and Santa looked real worried. But Little Girl was beginning to feel very tired by this time, for she had had a very exciting evening, so she said, "Oh, never mind me, Santa. I've had such a good time, and I'd just as soon stay here a while as not. I believe I'll curl up on his hearth-rug a few minutes and have a little nap, for it looks as warm and cozy as our own hearth-rug at home, and--why, it is our own hearth and it's my own nursery, for there is Teddy Bear in his chair where I leave him every night, and there's Bunny Cat curled up on his cushion in the corner." And Little Girl turned to thank Santa and say goodbye to him, but either he had gone very quickly, or else she had fallen asleep very quickly--she never could tell which--for the next thing she knew, Daddy was holding her in his arms and was saying, "What is my Little Girl doing here? She must go to bed, for it's Christmas Eve, and old Santa won't come if he thinks there are any little folks about." But Little Girl knew better than that, and when she began to tell him all about it, and how the Christmas fairies had welcomed her, and how Santa had given her such a fine ride, Daddy laughed and laughed, and said, "You've been dreaming, Little Girl, you've been dreaming." But Little Girl knew better than that, too, for there on the hearth was the little Black Coal, which had given her Two Shoes and Bright Light, and tight in her hand she held a holly berry which one of the Christmas Sprites had placed there. More than all that, there she was on the hearth-rug herself, just as Santa had left her, and that was the best proof of all. The trouble was, Daddy himself had never been a Little Girl, so he couldn't tell anything about it, but we know she hadn't been dreaming, now, don't we, my dears?

WORD OF THANKS

2007-12-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

I thank and praise You O LORD for all the people who have been angels to me throughout the year, for all the people who have spoken God's word to me. Family, friends, loved ones, my bhe and even strangers. People who told me what to do when I was most confused...who encouraged me when I was discouraged... People who boosted me when I was down and weak.People who constantly remind me to be good and to strive hard.

I thank and praise You for my mum and dad, for my two brothers (sg and jong-jing), to my special someone my bhe, i love you so much, to my best-ever friends (junelle, pai, cathy, apol, lm, shin) my good friend bird, to my colleagues and mentors at mix fm (sir bong, ms.jo, sir george booke, andi, steph, aeigh, erin, chesky, lee, ute, crimson, ate mae and ate mai, chief and kuya armald) to our listeners, to my other colleagues (kb family) i miss you guys! to the lectors' group and redemptorist community, to my classmates and schoolmates, to my friends and new found friends all around the world, gabee and ur family, all the bloggers, and YOU! who have been so good to me inspite of what I am.They have been angels in flesh and blood. I thank these good, loving, angelic people.

Hope I will learn from their goodness. As you have been angels to me, may I, in turn, be angels to all of you. May I, in turn, be an angel not only to the good people but to the bad people as well. May I, in turn speak words to encourage and enlighten not only the good people , not only the grateful people, not only those who will applaud me but also those who will forget me, those who ridicule me for doing it.

Thank You for all the angels in my life. You know who you are! There are so many of you. I love you ALL!
Keep on Rockin'

Happy Christmas and Blessed New Year!!!

When people say...I'm busy

2007-12-22T13:13:00.000+08:00

I hate it.... I just really hate it when people say "I'm busy". I'm not saying this applies to everybody but most of the time, it's just another way of saying "I'm making more money, don't disturb me" or "Sorry, you're not important so I can't waste my time for you". I know you won't admit it but, come on! We all know it's true, if we will just look inside our hearts and be honest with ourselves. And if you're in the receiving end, I gotta tell you friend, it hurts.

Of course, I'm not saying that having a lot of things to do is bad. I'm not shallow, I got things to do too, not to mention I have a lot of problems. But when it comes to people I care for, I think THEY DESERVE for me to at least take time to pause whenever I can and give a little effort to make them feel loved and that they still exist in my life. I'm not raising my chair here, but I'm also not a hypocrite. And I'm not saying I'm any better. I'm just trying to express my honest feelings about this.

Sometimes people forget. They forget they are human beings surrounded by other human beings and that some of those human beings are what they used to call "Friends.." Or come to think of it, maybe they don't really care. Why didn't I think of that before?? But like I said, this is case to case basis.

To all my friends.... of course, if aren't guilty of this then you're off the hook. I'm just talking about a few people who have forgotten to care.

Anyway, this could go on for a while, it's actually a four page written sentiment but I won't put it all here, I don't wanna bore you with it. So never mind.

All I'm saying is.. "I'm busy" is probably an answer a person can give to sales offers, business invitations, etc. But to say that to your friends is a little harsh. I'm not being overly sensitive here. It's just a little fact that some people are blind to. If you tell me that, it only shows one thing, you don't consider me as your friend. It hurts my friend, but that's okay because guess what? I understand. I won't hate you. I just hate that phrase. It's the most insensitive phrase on earth.

Badly hit

2007-12-19T13:20:00.000+08:00

I have been sick over the last few days. It hits me badly. So far, I have not skip work before because I am not feeling well. But I did this time. On Tuesday, I stay at home the whole day, sleeping most of the time. I started to feel unwell on Monday evening. After dinner, I have a strange feeling on my stomach. The pain is not like any other normal pain. I am not sure how to describe it and I am not sure what to do with it. Then, the feeling of nausea hits. Then I start throwing up. :( On Monday night, I spend half of my time throwing up. :( It was bad. I can't sleep properly and my stomach just hurts like crazy! I told myself that I am not going to work the next day. Everytime I told myself this, it wouldn't work. I will wake up the next day and go to work.

The next morning, I woke up late and I am still feeling bad. I decided to stay at home to rest.
I slept most of the time that day, watch tv and listen to radio as well. In the evening, I went for a walk.
On Wednesday, I went back to work. I didn't work for a long time. I felt tired, so I left after my boardwork. Today, I am feeling better and I hope I can start jumping up and down. Well, I have not done that yet because it's still early in the morning and I tried to get a few things done.

Why blog?

2007-12-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

When we live a rich life, there's a lot to share without having to brag. I love blogging on just about anything! To me, it's like the parable of the seeds...from the farmer's point of view: you just have to throw the seeds---some of them will fall on rocky soil and will never sprout, some of them will grow but eventually before they can bear fruit, they wither; but some...they fall on fertile grounds, where the seed grows to be a tree, bearing good fruits.

I'm not a smart ass with a perfect grammar but I write anyway. I'm not a perfectionist and I am generous to giving myself a big room for errors. I just love sharing. I love throwing the "seeds" and let the fertile mind of readers turn it in to something useful for their lives.

puress of pain...love

2007-12-17T13:22:00.000+08:00

...choose me,
love me,
let me make you happy...

they say that when you love someone, you have to say it, shout it to the world...or the moment just passes you by. this is supposedly a very romantic but painful line especially for someone who can't do it. what is it with the love word that is scarily beautiful.

saying "i love you" takes courage.

what if you meet someone today who will turn out to be your "bestest man or woman in the world." however, he/she will always be a friend and nothing more. like he/she is the dream guy/girl who can never walk down the aisle with you because he/she has someone else. what would you do?
...snatch him/her,
take him/her to the altar for his/her dream girl/boy to marry?
love him/her in silence...

what if you love someone but he/she doesn't love you in return?
what would you do?
i will just love him/her for a month or so, just to feel the feeling of loving that someone
turn my back
leave everything behind and move on.

what about having a friend that you can never love
for other women/men he/she is close to perfect
but in some cosmic way you just can't see that in him/her
what would you do?
let time be the best judge
you might find yourself falling for him/her
just wish that it won't be too late,
he/she might find someone else who will love him/her in return

Flashback

2007-12-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

It rained all day today!!! Perhaps the sky understands how I feel.

Such weather, it was inevitable to take a nap and steal a snooze. Too long a nap, I slept for hours solid straight instead.

I don't know, perhaps it was the prolonged nap, I woke up with memories of me and my Bhe together on the day I was leaving for home flashing through my mind as though they came alive all over again. I found such flashbacks too hard to bear...was swept away by an avalanche of sadness deep down into the valley of emptiness. My heart ached for his presence a lot..

I don't think I'll ever want to take any naps anymore. Well, at least not for the time being.

Viewfinder

2007-12-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

When it starts....love can be the happiest experience a person can have, but it ends...love can be the most painful experience a person can have...
We don't look for love because it's lonely to be watching movies alone,because it's sad to eat meals on your own, because it's sad to cuddle up with someone on rainy days...
We look for love because we wanted to be accepted, for the sloppy way we dress, for the clumsy way we eat our meals, for the bad mood days and for simplicity in us...
Love is an act of acceptance..that with all our imperfections, we are accepted and loved
Mathematically loving someone is not easy as simple algebra...you have to love infinitely without limits...
But learning to let go of someone you love is harder...because the cure cannot derived and simply does not exist....
Too often it's hard to say goodbye...especially when that person really means so much to you..but sometimes we have to say goodbye...not because you didn't care anymore but because you have already loved too much...........
To let go someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back... letting go is not just setting the person free, but also setting yourself free.........
Sometimes I wonder why I feel so in love with you....sometimes i can't help but cry knowing you doesn't feel the way I do..
I'm afraid I can't bear the pain...
To grieve is all I can do...

3 POINTS

2007-12-03T13:52:00.001+08:00

I CHANGED...

I have changed, Hope I changed enough; The road is very smooth, But at the same time very rough; I tried on shoes that ended up to fit, But I really never noticed I was really in a pit; I looked up and found you on better ground, There it was my true love has been found; I was climbing trying to get in your range, Feeling so high feeling so strange; Becoming a better person in this world, Making changes for this special person; All that climbing gives me a sigh, For this person I will never die; I made it to the top like I thought I'd never do, I will never die; Because I want to spend this life with you.

LIFE GOES ON...

Life is too short, grudges are a waste of perfect happiness, so laugh when you can, apologize when you should and let go of what you can't change.. Love deeply and forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets.. Life is too short to be unhappy you have to take the good with the bad, smile when you're sad, love what you got and always remember what you had always forgive but never forget, learn from your mistakes but we should never regret, people change, and things go wrong but you should always remember that life goes on...

IF YOU LOOK INSIDE OF ME...

You would see how much i really cries, you would find so many secrets and lots of lies but what you'll see the most is how hard for me to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong..

Da Mars Code

2007-12-02T06:49:00.000+08:00

"In life, I always search for answers because I want to prove myself that I had the right decisions but the truth is, I can't search for what's not there. Things happen because it's meant to happen...That's why I forgive people even if they hurt me, I love people who don't love me, & I smile despite every painful crash in my heart. At the end of the day, the lesson I get are the answers to my decisions." Bitter Reality: "Not all things that I wanted, though I worked hard just to have it, is always meant to be mine. Somehow, I also lose." Sweet Reality: ""But when I lost someone or something, there will come a better one that I surely deserve more than anything...Patience is still a virtue..." *wink -_^ "I really do believe that every one of us can change the world. If enough people do this, we will change the face of the planet. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world…Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -- marvin@105.9 mix fm

AOB

2007-12-01T12:39:00.000+08:00

ok wala lang 'to... walang pasok sa trabaho last friday...hosting job...practice sa play.... atlast, after a long week of stressful stuffs eh makakapag pahinga na ako! anyways, eto immune sa puyatan kc nasanay na eh... mag memorize sana ng lines ko for our play pero bukas nalang (as a part ng pagiging procrastinator) kasi minsan lang ako makapag pahinga... oh ano ba chika ko sa inyo? wala naman bago, ssdd pa rin SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY ... maglalaba lang cguro bukas then the rest, maging productive para naman may mapala ako sa buhay hehehe... mahirap kasi pag sabay sabay lahat.. work + bills + stress +extra curricular activities arrghh! pero kinakaya naman... y not? am a superman! bwhahaha... i can stand on my own feet without any support lol... sarap ng ganitong buhay, thrilling and challenging at the same time... samahan mo pa ng pagkatamis tamis na lovelife parang caramel frap with whipped cream on top... isama narin ang mga kengkoy friends... stay up til 1 am sa coffee shop-- kwentuhan walang katapusan pag off sa work or after work... oh yun ang life ko ngaun, i have tons of responsibilities pero can handle naman... at hindi naman me masyado nag wowory ngaun sa buhay buhay kasi wat's the point, there will always be a problem... AND according to my boss, PROBLEMS ARE TO be solve.... oh dba, totoo un, nilalabanan ang problema... hindi ung iiyak ka lang jan sa isang tabi na parang isang basang sisiw kung may problema ka, dude 21st century na! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! maraming mga dumarating na problems but eventually, they will disappear kung marunong ka mag handle... d ka naman kasi dapat nalulungkot kasi d ka naman mutant lol... malungkot pa rin paminsan minsan... masaya me now eh hindi ko lang alam bukas, kasi ung mood ko parang circus paiba iba... i know everything will be fine basta may konting challenge, comedy at katakot takot na excitement samahan na natin ng konting lungkot to make life like a blend of happiness with a hint of sadness as the time goes by... un lang po and many thanks sa mga taong nakakaalala jan!

c'est la vie

2007-11-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

Being so busy at the moment makes me think back and see how my life from the previous, and endure the gift of today, my precious dreams...
I may not be always prepared for things that come along my way, but I do have a pocket full of dreams. I am still hopeful. I don't enjoy much of my time now since I am occupied to the maximum yet I am enjoying the good side of life; being a HAPPier person ....
Living in my aspirations makes me more willing to face the battles of life... Though I may always fall with these obstacles of mine, I know that there is always a good reason behind the downfalls...
I love whatever it is coz it makes me the person that I am now ... and C'EST LA VIE ! THAT IS LIFE!

Best Actor

2007-11-24T14:30:00.000+08:00

What is happiness???

I used to be a very happy person.. But recently, i found myself very down, easily get mad.

I realized, when we're care about one person, we want everything from her/him. But, he/she will just ignore it and pretend like nothing happened. This kind of feeling is very bad...

I dunno, maybe i'm caring too much for this person. And i had this kinda feeling, just like a song, called: Hate that I love You~~~ hahaha.. i do, really hate myself, so useless...

Think i should be alone, rather than get myself hurt again... Wish me luck... :)

ooppss..just kiddin'! im ok! im happy! nag emote lang ako! bleh

reality check

2007-11-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

My head is so groggy now... didn't manage to sleep well last nite. Probably got very bogged about my bhe's txt.I'm worried! Get well soon bhe! I love you.
anyway, last week was really crazy for me at work... even now, am still very boggy down by work and church activities.
totally looking forward for a brighter tomorrow! Yeah!!

-----------------------
A sign to eat more
It had been quite a long time since the last time I weighed myself, an activity I used to do everyday : when I woke up in the morning, after I took my meal, or every time I felt I was light in weight.
'The more you focus on one problem, the bigger the problem will be.' (The Secret book)
So I decided to stop and said good-bye with my scales for a several weeks. I arrested my so great desirability to know my weight.
This morning, after I took my bath, didn't know why, I suddenly wanted to weigh. Happily, despite of my brutality of eating, my weight has stayed the same :)

the countdown

2007-11-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

38 days to go before Christmas and as our Father God GIVE His only Son,Jesus to this earth and died on the cross to save us because He LOVE; and Christ Jesus willing to go up to the cross and died is because He really LOVE you and me so much..

People always think that Christmas is the season of "mad party","drunkenness","sexuality", which is the season that evil...But they are WRONG!!! Totally wrong..

Christmas is the season of LOVE and GIVE, for celebrate Christmas is to memorize the 1st coming of our LORD Jesus, for He come to save us, renews people character, restore people from brokenness, heal sicknesses, deliver people from the evil one, and provide us all the thing that we need.. He willing to so humble Himself, come from HEAVEN and to this earth and purposely died on the cross, because He LOVE and willing to GIVE everything He has to us..

So, let this coming Christmas be a season of LOVE and GIVE, go and help peoples that in need, LOVE them and GIVE them..

black or white

2007-11-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

When we were younger, we could easily choose or decide what side we wanted to be in: black or white, left or right, A or B, yes or no: but as we grew older we learned that gray, middle, C and maybe exists. And sometimes we have to choose the gray, the middle, the C or the maybe and try to see things and somehow experience what would it be like before fully deciding on what side we really want. It's just like dipping your feet in the pool but still be able to get out of it as soon as you realized that the water's too cold for you.

So many things are going through my mind, im afraid of fully get in because im scared that i might get hurt yet im afraid of losing a spot so i decided to take my time thinking on another side.

While thinking, i went to other places to try my luck. I continuously dipped my feet in different resort hoping i'll find a resort somewhere else that will make me feel contented and happy, then suddenly i realized that i already found that resort, that the first resort i dipped my feet into was actually the resort that gave me what i'm looking for.

So i went back, but i found out that its too late, there was just enough room for one when i left and someone else took it. I had no choice but to go to other places and continue to seek for another resort hoping that i can still find aplace that can give me the happiness and satisfaction i was looking for. But nothing can give me the same feeling...

So i decided to go back to give it another try hoping that there will be a room for me this time, but no one's leaving, no one's coming out, and the only room left is on the sideline enough for my feet. So i spotted a little light and gave it another try, i dipped my feet again hoping for the best. I waited and waited but still it's not happening, no one's coming out, time's still not on my side. I know that i wanted and needed it so badly, so i have no choice but to wait hoping that someday, i will be given another chance as i promised myself that next time, i will definitely going in.

.........................................................................................................................................

But i waited long enough, i'm losing my patience and i felt like giving up; i realized it's not worth the time anymore and then i asked myself...---why are you still waiting for something you're not sure of when you can have something (that is willingly given to you) that can (somehow) give you happiness? Why not live with what you have and with what you can have and just be happy with it, than try to reach for something you know is leaning closer to impossible?

the end...

A reawakening!

2007-11-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

Got a rude reawakening last week....Have to thank someone and a strange "dream" for the reawakening from another dream which have belonged to 2 years ago. Perhaps i was lazy or just perhaps im too naive into thinking a miracle will happen someday. But with this reawakening, i know whether i like it or not, i have to make a move. It is no longer mine anymore. It was never mine in the first place.The miracle i kept in my heart has vanished. Perhaps, there shall be a new light in my life. Somehow or rather, God had its plans for me i think. He had made me tasted the bitterness of losing all the time and not forgetting the sweetness of gaining something. I wont say i enjoyed the bitterness of losing but perhaps sometimes without losing, u will never learnt the importance of appreciating something while you had it and may be it was'nt destined to be mine. I will change my directions now that i know finally, the dream is over. i will have to search for a direction that belongs to mine, exclusively mine now. If i keep on dreaming, i will be lying to myself. It wont benefit anyone, not me especially. Certainly, I know this day will come and now, like it or not, i had to face it. A voice taps behind my mind " Mars, this dream is over. Please wake up !No more crying and regretting!

for you bhe

2007-11-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction."

One of the books i wanna read with you,we'll learn and dig the depth of this masterpiece together.

Everyday i wake up wishing that you are right beside me to make an ordinary day seem like an extraordinary one

Love is never love until you share it with someone.........
someone like you bhe.
I love you!

Happy monthsary

stardust the movie

2007-11-08T16:41:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the realm of Stardust, a fantastic fantasy adapted from author Neil Gaiman's book of the same name that wastes no time constructing a dense mythology overflowing with scorned princes, fiendish warlocks, airborne pirates, and the aforementioned star named Yvaine -- played with an ethereal chip on her shoulder by a glowing Danes.

Here are some of the lines from the movie that strucked me most...

"...but when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and.... Is this love? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

Reviews:
Stardust provides the awe-inspiring fantasy that usually attracts saucer-eyed young ones, but doesn't shy away from murder, dark magic, and adult jokes. It's a breath of fresh air after months of summer blockbusters aimed squarely at male teenagers. Stardust promises storybook adventure for grownups, who require (and deserve) a little fairy dust blown their way from time to time.

If i were to rate, 5 being the highest...
I give it a score of 4.

According to Sean O'Connell
It's not a blimp, it's a zeppelin!

THOUGHTS

2007-11-01T17:40:00.001+08:00

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and
swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was
the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it,
but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until
it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love
you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in
their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like
someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget
someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that
fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a
smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your
heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just
want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you
want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all
the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make
you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you
happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have
searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the
importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you
can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is
smiling and everyone around you is crying.

SEXcapades

2007-10-31T17:37:00.000+08:00

everybody has a story.

kahit gaano pa katino yang mga kaibigan natin, pag kumagat ang dilim, o ang alak, o ang hormones...nagtratransform yan... it does not matter who we are, what we know or how intelligent we are. this is instinct vs reason.

sex doesn't always mean intercourse.. in this generation, it means a whole lot of things.

but i guess there is nothing wrong with that, really. it is really a part of growing up, and a test: kung hanggang saan ang control ng brain mo over your heart and/or other organs.

marami akong kaibigan na hindi ko alam kung bakit ang hilig magkwento sakin ng mga sexcapades nila. not that i mind, its just i'm worried. either they think i am THAT trustworthy, or am just equally horny. heehee.

there are different sides to stories.. merong magrelasyon talaga, merong between friends at mayron rin namang spontaneous.

yes, this is what boyfriends and girlfriends do.

I never believed this one friend of mine,would one day grow up and do stuff like this. i guess i've always thought of him as the "totoy" guy i met in college. he is very smart and likes to analyze... although he was always akward with girls. what touched me the most about his story was that he says there are certain things he would never do to his girlfriend, because that would mean disrespecting her. he says, no matter how aroused he is, he would always stop whatever it is they're doing when he feels the passion is turning into lust.

give it to this guy still be thinking at this point. ang galing.

so i asked him, what if it starts as passion then escalates to lust? And how does he know where one stops and one starts?

sexcapades between friends always turns into something bad.. always. except maybe in the euphoric universe where it turns out that you actually have romantic intrest in/or is sexually attracted to/ or am deeply in love with this certain friend. and vice versa, syempre. dream on, pare.

so NOT happening.

i cnt imagine how it must feel to have a |friend with benefits|. does it mean that the two of you can successfully compartamentalize where the line between the friendship and the benefits lie?

ano yon, one moment you're telling this guy about your serious, most depressing problems and the next moment, you guys are making out? if you guys are friends, there must be some kind of emotional bondage diba? and from what i know, friends with benefits require absolutely no emotional bond whatsoever. kasi that would actually require caring. can you do the naughty stuff sa taong you care about? whom you actually consider as a friend?

FYI

2007-10-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

Cry for those who are wiling to cry for you..i am not asking for fairness in love..cry for them because these are the people who would never hurt you in the first place..

There is no such thing as KARMA, there are no regrets in life..whatever happens, happens for a reason, and even though sometimes that reason is hard to accept or to understand, it is reality..everything that happened before led me to this point..yes, there is something better, and yes, there is also something worse..i wont yearn or despise either of them..whatever happened before, whatever happens now, and whatever that will happen - i accept..i am grateful for only one thing..that I AM ALIVE..

Whatever shit or heaven you are in right now, be grateful for it..coz there's always something better and there will always be something worse...