Long lost Innocence

Love perseveres. Men change."
After all that I have been through, each time that a situation calls me to remember the past, I realize that I have never really grown out of love...It's just that, I found more and learned. So true enough, it perseveres. But we learn and change.

I just thought of it when I had a conversation last night with a someone special. Weird...after a long time of trying to delete that part of my memory I started digging it out again.

I have changed a lot. Love and revenge changed me. I have loved so much and when I lost it, I fought for it the wrong way. To my mistake; I'm sorry I have gotten you into that mess. Past is past. That was just it. I have lost that innocence that love has tried so hard to keep safe for me. At some point I am sorry about it, but then, I learned and I moved on. It brought me to where I am. I could only be thankful that I didn't totally drown in hell with the kind of life that we could have possibly put ourselves into. To the love that I lost; I thank you. That's it.

It hurts to think of the past, not that I am being sorry for losing or being betrayed or played on but it hurts me to realize how much time and feelings I have wasted then...and it would always hurt to realize not being able to control myself.

I have made my mistake. There's nothing that I can do about it but to move on. Having gone through it all and being honest about it to every person who would ask about it doesn't make me lesser of a person. If they wouldn't be able to accept me for that, fine. I can't do anything about their ignorance. As I have always said before; I am not born to please anybody.

Until I found out I am inlove again, I promised I wouldn't make the same mistake and would try hard to keep it...for good...and may God help me keep it...let the universe conspire...

If it wouldn't be now, then may be next year, the next year or the next and other next...I don't care how long it would let me wait...for as long as it doesn't lead me back to the same trash...