Emotions

Looks like nobody understands my loneliness. So, who's to blame? I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling..

This was my choice and I didn't listen to anyone but myself when I made it. I knew this was going to be tough but I've always believed in what I can do. I'm not doing this for myself,..it's for everyone who relies on me. I thought months would be enough to settle everything and then I'd go on and be who I've always wanted to be, do whatever would make me happy, be where I wanted to be and live my own life as I pictured it before. But just as it was almost over, another bunch of unexpected things would just happen and hold me back from reaching that goal.

And now I feel like I can't do it anymore. For the very first time in my life, I'm feeling helpless and tired...and so weak. I think I've lost that confidence which has been my weapon in this battle.

You see, this wasn't how I wanted to be. It's really far my vision. But I know I just have to do this, I have to be like this. This is not the right time to dream for myself. And I feel frustrated coz I'm running out of time to make it come true.

These past few months I know I'm kinda hard to deal with, and I'm sorry. I forgot to smile even just a little or try to laugh. I've never seen that funny little boy in me for a while now. Maybe this is really how it feels when you're not happy with what you're doing but you just simply couldn't get out. Coz if you do, you'll surely disappoint those important people in your life. And I can't even choose the right words to say. I can't let them know that I don't want to do this anymore. And I'll just find myself doing my very best to get rid of the job. And people would ask me why am I doing what I'm doing, they'd ask me what's wrong. Yet here I am still lost for words.