Just blurting

When TRUST and FAITH is on key,
You tend to go uneasy.
Worse is when you want to run away
That seems to go too far from me.

Can I just ask you this time not to?
Take this as one big favor I ask of you?
Because honestly, I am not the one you should fear
Hear me when I say this, I will always be here.



Opening up to people has never been an issue to me until I got myself into trouble. Trust and faith, they're a piece of cake back then. I was raised and influenced by my loved ones to have faith in people and never judge them in any way. I was oriented to have faith that there is this something good in people despite our sinful nature. Yeah, sinful! Very sinful! (If you have no idea about this, do yourself a favor. Go and travel back time! Ask Adam and Eve.)


Reality bit me not just once but more than a dozen times. It was not a one-time big-time event. Rather, it was a series of ouch ouch and more of ouch ouch experiences.

They say that if you want to be trusted, you gotta work for it. You gotta prove yourself for you to earn it.

As immature as I was back then (or should I say a gullible being? or an innocent one? or just a foolish gullible being?), I once thought of this idea as something impossible. I just could not grasp the whole concept being operated by it that I was like, "yeah right, you are such a hard person. You are so impossible. You are such a cruel, mean and so foolish to believe that" I mean, I was like "hey you, why can't you just give the poor person a chance, just have faith and trust to that person anyway."

As I advanced in years and not to mention had my share of direct relationship with people of different orientations, I kind of found myself sold-out to the idea already that I had once rejected. Trust is indeed something earned.

Just to make things straight, my TRUST AND FAITH in people should not be mistaken as the same as my TRUST AND FAITH in God. They are way too different.

With people "Trust is now earned for me and that having Faith in a person is all up left to my sound discretion." With God, it's all or nothing at all. Should you say that you have FAITH or TRUST, it should be absolute. It's not you have faith for just as much as 80%, and 20% that you do not have. That can't be the case. A tinge of doubt still does not make you faithful and trusting.

Take this as an example. With my parents, I know they have so much faith in me. (They believe so much in me that sometimes I wanna get sick of it because I don't want them to expect much really, hahaha). But when it comes to trust, I had to work my way then for me to earn their trust. Back to my "not-a-boy-not-yet-a-man stage" or "free-from-limitations-of-a-child-yet-resistant-to-adulthood-responsibilities period" or simply the "Mars-has-not-found-himself-yet stage," I once disappointed my parents big time. I once violated a "big" rule (oh come on, I'm telling you, I was so goody goody. I never had any vices nor be considered a problem child, mind you. In fact, I'm the only child who never received a wild spanking hits from my dad. Yes, glory be to me, hehe) that my father imposed, he just reminded me that he has this so much faith in me and that it will never change but still he nevertheless reminded me to get back into the right track for me to be trusted again. I worked for it, and then I earned it.

With God, it's a different story. I just love the idea of the term "unconditional." Enough said.

So what is my point really?

These days, as far as my regular reality check session is concerned, I may not trust people easily and appear very doubtful, I can't help but to say that "YOU ARE GETTING IT ALL WRONG."

A friend once told me, "Mars, you said you trust me, but why don't you believe with what I just said? What is that? A BLIND TRUST?"

Wow! His statement rang a bell. It was played a lot of times in my head that led me to think, "yeah Mars, what do you have now?"

To that friend who said that to me, I appreciate what you said. At least, I got the hang of it and even made a blog entry out of it, hahaha. I appreciate you being so frank, really.

This is not to my defense, but allow me to say this, anyway.

I have always had faith in people. I have always believed in people and what they can become. But expecting me to trust them instantly? That's different. Yes, this is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. The world is not craving for my trust. But yeah, neither do I.

Just blurting.