I'm back and I'm bored

9:00 in the morning, the usual "drowsy" near end of the day. Am so tired after much doing lenten activities, i thought of having a short break for awhile...just a tiny itsy bitsy quick rest will do just fine:)
So, here i go again writing down visual thoughts into an interactive black and white slate...but what am i to parlay this time?

-Politics?....*no not that!
-Science?....*Schools over dude.
-Algebra & Mathematics?...*Come on, were not even engineers :(
-History?.....*are we gonna talk dead things again?...get a life!
-Quantum Physics?....*Don't even dream were Rocket scientist or the sort :p
-Relationships?.......*hmmm is it social studies this time? well among the above choices lets tackle this one.

Relationships, the ever elusive commitment am searching for. I have wondered so many times how it feels to have someone really close?
And I'm referring to not just a friend, an acquaintance or a guardian but all in one aspect, in one character, in one person...someone you love.
Many of my friends said it's total bliss and some say it's a pain in the hind lol. Whatever they say i believe it is something more than those 2 definitions but a collage of mixed love, hate, care, understandings, misunderstandings, devotion, betrayal, humility, sacrifices, and decisions all brewed into one beautiful complex.
If you ask me it sounds entirely confusing however i think i have the notion what it really is...just pure relationship in the form of being as one.

*hey wait a minute, did you said as one?
-yes i did...
*what do you mean as one? you mean?
-Ok don't get funny ideas, let me explain...

Ahem...we have in the dictionary the word "Individual", a person, a single being, just one entity & nothing else. The word refers as a solitary figure doing just about the normal range of being itself.

*is this gonna take long?
-don't worry it wont.

Going back, we can verily describe ourselves as it just that concept but what if that so called individual finds another and its just so happens the uncanny manifest. Sparks fly, sweet sounding tune is heard everywhere and doesn't know
where it's coming from?
both entangled in a world of fascination between each other, the offering of gifts, twinkle in the eyes, head over heels...blah..blah...blah....this...that...you get the picture.

*What picture?
-Don't get me started...

And so when two people agree together, makes choices with congruence on both side's opinion we can suggest they act uniformly and when they do i can describe it in figurative language like they are in rhythm or in a harmonious synchronization of perpetual mutual ambiance of feelings and emotions in a non-satirical, non-tyrannical, non-dominant application of soothing regards in vice-versa that both does not promote deviations or any liable enormity that would hamper and antagonize the nexus in a depreciating, agonizing eventuality that would lead to total disastrous breakage of cresending happiness into a pitfall of paradox and irony that would succumb them both into a chasm of solitude, non-conformity and paranoia which is a total dis-integrating and crushing blow of dis-consolidation.

*.....uhh...huh..
-.....uhh...huh...what?
*....i said yeah right....whatever Einstein.
-you're pathetic.

But seriously in my own world, relationship is a gift. A gift that allows you to show your kindness and unconditional care to the other. A privilege that ultimately shows anyone or anybody the desire for care. I believe in every person there is so much caring deep within that needs to be brought about...its one of the process of allowing themselves to be "human".

In an over turn, Some can't handle relationships because some have not managed to allow themselves to be sincere...that is all. Relationship is about sincerity and humility, it does not tell whose right and whose wrong but the other way around. Knowing if the other is wrong and tries to correct the mistake in a humble manner. The way how one shows rectification in a loving way to the other, always and is always the best solution to any instability of every relationships.

I have always known this, yet fate has set aside this dream. All i could think is God is wanting me to focus on him first...i love God but i wonder what is his reason why he wants me to face the task single handedly or perhaps maybe just maybe facing the task alongside with him...just him and I both.

*now you're the one who sounds pathetic
-i am pathetic but i am well treasured from someone who has the most love of all.
*......no comment.

I honestly admit that my situation cuts both ways, and it's driving deep inside every time moments pass. I don't know maybe i feel too much no wonder i always feel like i'm heading straight to a broken heart even if my heart is in one piece. Maybe i'm being masochistic in a sense i got used to thriving to my angst but that scene was long ago, I'm a new person now. I don't feel like the way i do in heavy downpour anymore my life is already turning for the best and all is getting better and better......however i can't seem to figure out the missing part of me...the other half who has me....

*Dude...you lost me.
-are you even listening?
*just continue

There is nothing i can do as of now, i'm helpless with this predicament.hmmm...i feel awful when i do hahaha.
How i really wish i could say to myself one day all the funny words i spoke sometimes lie when love surprise, oh how i wish that comes true....like one in million chance.

*there is nothing wrong to dream, it's free..
-it sure is
*good luck
-Thanks i guess :(

I took the time to think it over and over like a never ending story, sober as i am in these days of dampness nevertheless i am happy as i am. At least i never have to do the most hardest lesson of all...

*and that is?

-"The art of letting go"

It scares me when i hear it, i mean when others have failed does it suggest i'm also inclined to it?
I think not, i'm not afraid coz i know how to care...even if its unfair.

*hail to Martyrdom!

You just don't get it do you? Relationships wont be possible if both haven't been in most sinking level. it's that part where their faithfulness is tested. It also brings about the inner passion if one decides to hold on for what he/she believes that the relationship is worth fighting for or far....dying for. Amidst the storm if both were really destined then no matter and no matter what they will always be unchanged.

*Unchanged?
-As they were, as they are and as they will be together like nothing happened...'unchanged".

I wish someone taught me early advices for the young at heart. Then perhaps i would have known which step to take not to be so in this ordeal. Sadly no one ever came but it's alright i have the whole wide world in my hand and
I could be happy right now, me and my shadow in make believe universe lol yeah i'm so full of it.

*Dude, i know some people you could talk to late at night on phone and they could lighten you up a bit
-heck, what are you taking me for?! I'm not that desperate!
*just want to help dude :D

In any case, relationships are meant to make people happy. there i made the story short.

*Dude, i wish you have said that earlier, now i understand you.
-....................................i can't even believe i'm talking to my alter-ego. It's a good thing nobody reads this blog.
*so what's the moral story?
-the moral story is, just be glad and content when you love someone...and do it sincerely.
*So what about you?
-As for me? i guess i'll just Follow my road where it leads me...i'm sure i'll get to stumble someone along the way.

Hmmm...time fly so quickly time for me to get ready for my boardwork! you know what i'm afraid, at least i have a load off my mind...thanks to this diary i feel a lot lighter.

*dude you forgot to thank me listening to your jargons:)
-Whatever.