Going back on the track...

I thought of it a thousand times already. Not ready to take a single step.. Maybe, a single step forward… I guess. But going back? I don’t think I can. I was thinking of what It could have been if I just “go back” where I was supposed to be a year ago. Definitely, It was the right thing to do. But I’m not happy being on it. And It was so hard because I was fighting with my own feelings, my own self. I was in the middle of “would I rather be happy but undoubtedly wrong, or right but sad” situation… My Good friends never failed to remind me all the time, and they keep on giving pieces of advice of what I was supposed to do. But honestly? I'm old enough, and I knew already what I was supposed to do. But I don’t wanna do it because my heart is not into it. It was such a very selfish decision. I did it my way. Regardless of the people who might get hurt. It didn't’t bother me. I knew I might get hurt, but I took the risk. I am not afraid of taking the risk just to be happy. I thought of what would make me happy, at least even for that moment… I knew It wouldn't’t last, I just knew it. It was sort of a dream and I live my life, aware that any moment… it will be ended. I enjoyed every second of it, I never wasted my time.-Time to care, to love, to be happy, to be loved. That short period of time…that person was all “mine.” After a year of holding back… Is there a way to go back? Should I? For whom? For the little angel? Maybe I shouldn't’t think of my own happiness this time. I am afraid to go back and pick up all the pieces. What if I’m lost, didn't’t know the way back? Should I go back just because it was the right thing to do, though my heart is not willing to go back? My heart just wanted to move forward. Far beyond the past and the hurts of yesterday. I was looking back. I can see familiar places, faces. They are reaching out their hands on me. willing to show me the way. The way back. But I can’t take a step backward. Maybe, I’m still waiting for someone who would lead me into the direction of my happiness. For Now… I’ll just look back. I’ll just stand still.