EMERSON-MANILA

Before arriving at Emerson, I knew absolutely no one with the exception of my (best) friends in Davao. I guess I was lucky that I actually knew at least four of them: my newly found friends. I finally can understand and be able to relate my job and enjoy the company of these fellas namely: Mercy, Jason, Joeff, Mitch (my team) and the rest of Motors and Appliances Components (MAC).

However I was still very nervous about the new environment I was going to be exposed to. It is great that I have met a wide variety of people already, all whom I consider to be my close friends. Although we all come from different backgrounds and locations, we get along together great and we have become so incredibly close.

Cheers to the MAC-ICG Group! And to the whole MAC Dept.

sun up til sun down

Why do we end up getting hurt by the people we love? Why do we have to get hurt in the first place if we (us and the person we choose to love), really love each other? Why do we have to loose that love?

These questions take a life long journey to answer, but bits and pieces of these tend to get answered by the time we have our own little "moment". Let me share you mine...

Early this year, i met this person. We went out for a few months. I came to know part of the person because the person gave me permission to take a peak of what the person really is. The person would share thing from the past, kahit na sa tingin nya eh hindi magiging magandang pakinggan. I valued that honesty and trust, so in turn i also shared who really this person is. Sad to say sa tingin nya, I'm too good to be true, we even made a joke na sya yung devil at ako yung angel. Devil this person maybe, i chose to accept this person, his good side and his not so good side. The person accepted our "little world" and one day, we decided to call whatever's between us "special". Until the something happened.

The person suddenly lost track of "us" and began to detach itself from me. Here i learned the value of patience. If you really love somebody, learn to wait. How hard it may seem, have that discipline to stop and wait for the person. Its like having this journey together when you suddenly realize, your companion choses to walk slowly o just rest for a while. Have the courage to wait for your companion or until the person signals you to go on with him.

It hurts so much when you feel suddenly alone, when in fact you should not be because you know there is somebody special with you. And no matter how you wait, you still end up going through that journey alone. Masakit kung sa masakit, pero anong gagawin mo?

I will not answer the questions I've said above. I'll share with you may realizations instead.

That its not you, its him/her. For somebody who knows how to love, you're always careful not to hurt the person you love. Its like loving somebody the way you would love yourself. You're always careful on the things you do and you say so as not to cause the one you love hurt.

You are capable of loving. When relationship fails its nothing but normal to feel pain which no pain-killer can remedy. Each of us has our own way of recuperating. For some it takes weeks and months of wallowing to that sadness. But to a certain point you need to pick up your shattered pieces and start a new. Here i learned that there's nothing wrong with me. I know how to love. Yes i got hurt in the end but at least i know how to love. Some people do have relationships but actually not relating. (tama ba grammar?) Its ok wallow and be sad but when you've decided to pick up yourself, remember that you should be proud because you showed them that you know how to love, and that you are capable of loving and knowing its true meaning.

So this is say to you reading and to myself as well: Don't be afraid to love again. Yes you got hurt but that's just the now, remember that there is tomorrow. Somebody is there making its way to your life so you have to prepare. Remember the lessons you've learned and use these lessons to your advantage but always allow yourself to commit mistakes for in those mistakes are new lessons to be learned. Never harbor ill feelings to those people who have caused you pain, they just don't know how it is to love. Be brave, the sun raises tomorrow.

Etcetera

It's so easy to say the right things. It's so easy to sound nice and sweet. When you're face-to-face, it's no challenge to bring forth a smile. Yet, it's not easy to be real.

Aren't we all masters of the spoken word? We can recall cliche's with a fillip. We can pick our minds of timely quotes to ease a weathered soul. And with our mastered tones, we soothe a heart in pain.

Yet, not all find it as easy to put those words into action.

How many times have you been assured by a friendly voice to "go on and challenge life," for if everything else fails, I'll be here -- an ear to hear out your frustrations, an arm you can hold on to, a shoulder that you can flood with your tears, etcetera, etcetera....

Yet, how many times has the world frustrated your attempts, whamming you twice, thrice over and you suddenly find yourself alone in the abyss of failure? Ringing in your mind is that sweet, reassuring voice of wisdom. But when you look around, it's just a voice, the owner gone, caught up in its own world.

These quotes and phrases are but words sewn up together to sound nice. It's prodding meant only to impel a beginning. It inspires you to start, encourages you to keep on the road.

lil bit

I feel a lil homesick but I know God has planned for me and lessons to be learned here in Manila (Emerson). I am overly positive of myself that I will make it through. Maybe not in a instant but with hard work. It was hard for me to leave since i've got a lot going on there in Davao. My hometown will always be my home. I'll just think of it this way...No man discovers new horizons without losing sight of the shore. I'll accept challenges and enjoy being out of my comfort zone, because I know in the end, my destination is the journey itself.

No air

This is it guys!I have said my good bye on air. if you guys got to listen to my good bye spiel.. thank you. sorry if i got so emotional.. it's hard to say good bye to something you've put almost a year of your life into... I have had a lot of good memories with the company and people i worked with. Thank you for the djs who made it really memorable. Thank you so much! Thank you Joey, Sir Bong, Sir Randall, George Booke, Stephanie, Andi ,Aeigh, Lee, Erin, Chesky, Drew, Wacky, Chris Chase,Alexy, Robert, TJ, Crimson, Francis. Thank you also to Ate May and Ate Mai as well as to Chief and Kuya Armald for being there.

Thank you for the listeners(mix friends) Thank you for the callers. Thank you for the chatters.

It was so sad to say good bye to all of you. Thank you for all the nice things that you have said. Thank you. This maybe good bye to most of you.. but as i said i will just be here.

Last Kiss

I would like to thank 105.9 MIX FM for the opportunity. I have learned a lot from this radio station.

Now, starting this 13th of April, I will no longer be a MIX FM DJ. Yet, I will be back to being a Mix Fm FAN. hehe

This Sunday will be my last boardwork --Sunday Rhythm and Bounce 6-9am. It will be memorable to me. I would like to thank everybody who's been there for me. Thank you. For those people who want to be greeted...You may visit my multiply account/blogger account(marvingil.multiply.com/marvingil.blogspot.com)

Sigh... I can't believe I actually said "last time".

So long MIX FM! I will still be here for you guys!!

Just something to share

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."

It's about time

I owe to myself and to the people who truly cares that I take charge of my life. It is about time that I take my life back into my own hands and listening to my inner self instead of relying on others for my future happiness and success. It is as simple as making healthy positive choices; may it be mental, emotional or physical. I admit, I had many negative thoughts that harm my way of thinking. I don’t know why. Well, maybe because negative thinking always seems to be so much easier to instill than positive, whether I care to believe it or not, my feelings and how I feel or think does have a huge impact on my life. Affirmations from my friends and relatives work well in changing my negative thinking into positive. Those affirmations are simply short statements that I repeat in the mind. I am learning to put myself up when negative thoughts and feelings enter my mind. I know that doing this day in and day out, slowly I will gain control back over my life. Jesus, save me. Take this matter off my mind and my heart because I can't rely on my own strength.

Emotions

Looks like nobody understands my loneliness. So, who's to blame? I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling..

This was my choice and I didn't listen to anyone but myself when I made it. I knew this was going to be tough but I've always believed in what I can do. I'm not doing this for myself,..it's for everyone who relies on me. I thought months would be enough to settle everything and then I'd go on and be who I've always wanted to be, do whatever would make me happy, be where I wanted to be and live my own life as I pictured it before. But just as it was almost over, another bunch of unexpected things would just happen and hold me back from reaching that goal.

And now I feel like I can't do it anymore. For the very first time in my life, I'm feeling helpless and tired...and so weak. I think I've lost that confidence which has been my weapon in this battle.

You see, this wasn't how I wanted to be. It's really far my vision. But I know I just have to do this, I have to be like this. This is not the right time to dream for myself. And I feel frustrated coz I'm running out of time to make it come true.

These past few months I know I'm kinda hard to deal with, and I'm sorry. I forgot to smile even just a little or try to laugh. I've never seen that funny little boy in me for a while now. Maybe this is really how it feels when you're not happy with what you're doing but you just simply couldn't get out. Coz if you do, you'll surely disappoint those important people in your life. And I can't even choose the right words to say. I can't let them know that I don't want to do this anymore. And I'll just find myself doing my very best to get rid of the job. And people would ask me why am I doing what I'm doing, they'd ask me what's wrong. Yet here I am still lost for words.

Just blurting

When TRUST and FAITH is on key,
You tend to go uneasy.
Worse is when you want to run away
That seems to go too far from me.

Can I just ask you this time not to?
Take this as one big favor I ask of you?
Because honestly, I am not the one you should fear
Hear me when I say this, I will always be here.



Opening up to people has never been an issue to me until I got myself into trouble. Trust and faith, they're a piece of cake back then. I was raised and influenced by my loved ones to have faith in people and never judge them in any way. I was oriented to have faith that there is this something good in people despite our sinful nature. Yeah, sinful! Very sinful! (If you have no idea about this, do yourself a favor. Go and travel back time! Ask Adam and Eve.)


Reality bit me not just once but more than a dozen times. It was not a one-time big-time event. Rather, it was a series of ouch ouch and more of ouch ouch experiences.

They say that if you want to be trusted, you gotta work for it. You gotta prove yourself for you to earn it.

As immature as I was back then (or should I say a gullible being? or an innocent one? or just a foolish gullible being?), I once thought of this idea as something impossible. I just could not grasp the whole concept being operated by it that I was like, "yeah right, you are such a hard person. You are so impossible. You are such a cruel, mean and so foolish to believe that" I mean, I was like "hey you, why can't you just give the poor person a chance, just have faith and trust to that person anyway."

As I advanced in years and not to mention had my share of direct relationship with people of different orientations, I kind of found myself sold-out to the idea already that I had once rejected. Trust is indeed something earned.

Just to make things straight, my TRUST AND FAITH in people should not be mistaken as the same as my TRUST AND FAITH in God. They are way too different.

With people "Trust is now earned for me and that having Faith in a person is all up left to my sound discretion." With God, it's all or nothing at all. Should you say that you have FAITH or TRUST, it should be absolute. It's not you have faith for just as much as 80%, and 20% that you do not have. That can't be the case. A tinge of doubt still does not make you faithful and trusting.

Take this as an example. With my parents, I know they have so much faith in me. (They believe so much in me that sometimes I wanna get sick of it because I don't want them to expect much really, hahaha). But when it comes to trust, I had to work my way then for me to earn their trust. Back to my "not-a-boy-not-yet-a-man stage" or "free-from-limitations-of-a-child-yet-resistant-to-adulthood-responsibilities period" or simply the "Mars-has-not-found-himself-yet stage," I once disappointed my parents big time. I once violated a "big" rule (oh come on, I'm telling you, I was so goody goody. I never had any vices nor be considered a problem child, mind you. In fact, I'm the only child who never received a wild spanking hits from my dad. Yes, glory be to me, hehe) that my father imposed, he just reminded me that he has this so much faith in me and that it will never change but still he nevertheless reminded me to get back into the right track for me to be trusted again. I worked for it, and then I earned it.

With God, it's a different story. I just love the idea of the term "unconditional." Enough said.

So what is my point really?

These days, as far as my regular reality check session is concerned, I may not trust people easily and appear very doubtful, I can't help but to say that "YOU ARE GETTING IT ALL WRONG."

A friend once told me, "Mars, you said you trust me, but why don't you believe with what I just said? What is that? A BLIND TRUST?"

Wow! His statement rang a bell. It was played a lot of times in my head that led me to think, "yeah Mars, what do you have now?"

To that friend who said that to me, I appreciate what you said. At least, I got the hang of it and even made a blog entry out of it, hahaha. I appreciate you being so frank, really.

This is not to my defense, but allow me to say this, anyway.

I have always had faith in people. I have always believed in people and what they can become. But expecting me to trust them instantly? That's different. Yes, this is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. The world is not craving for my trust. But yeah, neither do I.

Just blurting.

Things happen for a reason

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people maay be. Possibly your roomate or neighbour, professor or long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger. But when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strenght, willpower or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It whould be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally. Not only because they love you, because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day counts. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Walk the footsteps of a stranger and you'll learn things you never know. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individaul and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your own life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. "The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."

What if

Lord, what if I wake up one day and life is so perfect?

Then, I wouldn’t have tasted the sweetness of life giving as

a service to You…

What if there were no sickness or problems to bring me

suffering or sorrow? Then, I wouldn’t have learned to be grateful to the blessings ever showered nor remember to call on You…


What if I was never been hurt and wounded by the people I loved and trusted? Then, I wouldn’t have heard your mellow whispers of comfort and be encouraged…


What if as I go through life’s journey, I never stumbled and fell? Then, I wouldn’t have felt your strong gentle hands, lifting me up and holding me so reassuringly…


What if there was never any darkness or sadness? Then, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the mystery and comprehend beyond light…


What if I was never been weak in every aspect of my life? Then, I wouldn’t have touched the exquisite joy of finding and knowing You…


What if I never learned to love You? Then, I might as well never been born…


Lord, I ask too many questions when the answers are right here in my heart…


“What if” it can never be

because

You Love Me?!

Unfair

Sometimes I wished for a much low-profile life. Where people around you don't give a shit to what you do, and don't give a damn about you. Attention is not everything, and attention is not what I want. Too much attention stresses me out, and that's what I'm feeling right now. I'm confused, I'm divided, I'm tired. Cant people just understand? I know exactly what I want in life, and I don't need inconsiderate people to barge into my life and start ruining every single hope of mine. Right now, all I need are FRIENDS. No soulmate, no partner, no whatsoever. People don't understand. People call me a BITCH just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. People start drifting away from me just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. People sought revenge and hugged another girl right in front of my very own eyes just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. Just how unfair is that, you tell me? Cant these people GROW UP and START THINKING MATURELY? I'd always thought we could remain as friends.. why get so emotional just because I cant accept you as my soulmate?? Sigh. Like what I'd told my best babe earlier, my life basically revolves around work now. I no longer want to have the time to go dating or whatsoever. I don't want to be giving people false hopes by going out with them. I've learnt my lesson. So to those of you who have been asking me out but always got turned down lately, you should now know why. I'm NOT ready to start dating yet. I'm NOT ready to be accused of giving people false hopes.

Life is being extra cruel to me now, and all I need is strength.

I started to think about loving someone back again, I started to shudder. And I almost cried. I admit, I'm a weakling when it comes to this. I'm scared. I'm just not ready.. not ready to love and trust back again. I need the time.

I'm sorry, I know I'd disappointed you yet again but I have to be fair to myself too. I hope you understand. =(

Fck! Why am I being so emotional now.

3-29

I never thought that a night could last forever. I never deemed that a single smile could run a thousand mile, a single stare could get a foot deep into my soul, a single touch could take me to cloud nine, and a single kiss could warm my below-zero degree freezing heart.

The sky is bluer than the ocean. The wind is colder than the spring. The sun is happier than the clown. Everything is gulping the air as if my emotions are nurturing them to envisage a perfect world for me. That night perfected my day as well as the coming days. The future was indistinct, but that very night was the realization of my future to clear its horizons.

Was it how you intimately held my hand that made me feel weak, that I could not even grab a pen and stroke the words “I like you”? Was it how you closely pressed your body against mine that I could not even bother to keep my distance from you? Was it how you whispered the words “I wanted to see you everyday” that made me keep on looking for you? Was it how you smiled at me that keeps me wanting to gaze another sunshine? Was it how you passionately kissed my lips that made me ask for more? Or was it the song “I’m yours” that was played over and over again that made our souls promise that we belong to each other?

Now, my days are hiding and my nights are pleading. My heart is screaming with misery. My lips are craving for your name and my mind is flying towards your existence. I am now holding one fixation, and that is the memory of a night that I will keep for eternity.

EARTH HOUR

On March 31,2007, Australia launched the EARTH HOUR. 2.2 million people and 2100 businesses in Sydney turned off their lights for one hour. This collective effort reduced the country’s energy consumption by 10.2% for one hour. The world was captivated by the efforts of Sydneysiders. This 2008, the world will be participating in this event to further awareness on Global Warming and to save and reduce more energy consumption.


Here in the Philippines we dedicated to support this global movement by turning off lights on March 29,2008 at 8 to 9 pm throughout the country. Now, If you are a Filipino, aware of Global Warming or someone who care for the environment, then you should TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS ON MARCH 29,2008 FROM 8 TO 9 PM. 60 minutes without lights will not cost you a dime. Why doubt. Be aware. Spread the news. Participate to save more energy.

The main point of the campaign is to show people and companies how easy it is to take action against global warming. This does not mean you have to turn off your refrigerator, which could be inconvenient. It is only encouraged to switch off your non-essential lights to make a statement and then changing our electric consumption habits in the long term

Let us dedicate an hour for Mother Earth. Save on resources and lessen carbon dioxide emissions.

Let us each do our part and stop global warming today!

Globally heard

105.9 MIX F.M. will target Davao City’s young and active radio listeners who have an affinity for quality entertainment. They are “the good crowd” and the most inclined to find MIX F.M. the best radio station to represent their lifestyle.

We are Davao's Top Choice for a better radio experience. Our compelling passion to offer INNOVATIVE, CREATIVE, SENSIBLE and GLOBALLY COMPETITIVE RADIO for today's Davaoeños is our edge.

The 2004 People’s Choice for Best FM Station for Mindanao and the whole world—105.9 MIX FM.

We are the preferred FM Radio Station of Today’s Davaoeno.

Now we're GLOBALLY back and heard!

www.mixfm1059.com

Click:

http://202.133.204.70:88/broadwave.asx?src=1&kbps=32

Pretty mental

For all of my life, I have never known myself to be a proud person. Honestly, I couldn't imagine myself being proud. For one thing, I don't have anything to be proud of. I loathed boasting but being proud isn't all about boasting. You can be proud in many different ways. Having pride isn't bad, but too much always is. Today, my big boss of mine said that people who try to impress others a lot are most likely to be proud. That struck me. Lately, I haven't been my usual carefree self. I may still seem normal to others but it is only I who can know how I really feel. My face doesn't show it but I feel terrible. I felt like I just had to compete with everyone, be better. I know I could never be better than anyone at anything. I'm mediocre. It is what it is.

I tried my best in a way that involves thinking badly of people. These people I'm talking about, are the people I'm merely jealous of. So, if I couldn't do better.....I just feel jealous and think badly of them? NO! I shouldn't and I better not do that again. Every bit of me knows that what I'm doing, though not physically, is wrong. I'm hurting others in my mind. I feel guilty that these people are those that are kind to me and how do I repay them? Thinking badly of them and cursing (yes, cursing) them.

When I try to do my so-called best, I don't do so much good. Before, I used to do these things since I love them. Now, it's just for mere competition with others and not myself. I seemed to have lost every bit of humility I had. I just sicken myself in thinking of the horrible mental person that I've become. Doing your best with haste only to outshine others is wrong. All you'd do is the best of your worst.

All these, conclude that I am a mean, PROUD (in a bad way), insecure and jealous guy. I know that all people are insecure of some things and that it shouldn't get in their way. This could turn you into a person you wouldn't want to be. Having humility is very advantageous. You'd feel light and sleep well at night.

I just hope it wouldn't take control of me, again.
So today, I swallowed my pride, cleared my mind of all evil thoughts and felt better. Better but not so good. It seems like I haven't completely recovered. I'd always feel a pang of jealous

.........after reading this, you might think I'm pretty mental........I am! bleh

Music and Me

love Music... It's My Life. There's a saying that says "A man who lives by the sword will die by the sword". Well it just might be that "I live by music and I'll die by Music". I am gifted with the curse of compassion that has rendered my life in complications. Repeatedly sacrificed my life and happiness for others, not thinking about the consequences in the future. Well it made my life quite excitingly fun. I was once an angel now turned somewhat bad. The human mind is a vast universe, mine is like seven legions and eons that I don't even comprehend myself. In short, I am different. My soul holds on to a truth that "Only the Strong will Survive". And my darkest hours are my greatest.
LET'S GET SERIOUS... I'm a true blooded Filipino born under the sign of Libra. The young version of myself is either a nerd or an angel admired for his mild manners and soft hands. Who thought that this angel would morph into an extreme musician... A Rocker. The blood of a pure rocker rose up and conquered my identity. I picked up my guitar and it became the window to my soul. I spilled my very own blood on my guitar making us one. The guitar either became a companion or a foe to me. It has been with me through good and bad. A time came when i decided to put down my strings and live a new life without it. years passed but still it lead me back to my six string buddy. Now though I seldom play the Axe on stage, no one will ever take away the gift that has been given me... The soul of a true Axeman... All "For the Love of God"

I like people who love music and all things wonderful in life and what makes a man happy. I have secrets to hide, but despise "Lies". I like to be friends with almost everybody but I am not that. I may mingle and blend in to almost any person that I can blend in with but my true friends are the humble and the peaceful ones. People who put themselves above others are my mortal enemies but i need not confront them. Most of the times the silent speaks more truth than the noisy ones. I believe in the phrase "Have pride in the things that are truly worth the praise". I may be common in many ways to other people but i tell you "I'm different". So to those who understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful i ask, "take me as I am". I believe that death is not something to fear or be sorrowful about. For I believe that "If I die tomorrow, I'll be alright, because I believe that after were gone the spirit carries on". I believe in eternal life. I don't believe in the words "Till death do us part" for I believe there is eternal life after death. It's just a gateway to eternity.
You think I'm a serious man? Well you bet I am. It will take a lot of comprehension and understanding of me, so buckle up for the bumpy ride. Lastly a friendly advise... "Don't be afraid"... It's only God you have to fear

EMO plus

Close enough to punk and rock Emo is now know for it's more emotional state of mind. Instead of the anger hard-core way of expressing one-self , Emo (short for emotional) has taken a new tole on the twentieth century of expressing yourself. From the music with strong emotion and feeling, unlike hard rock or this is more of an alternative way to let your feeling be known.Emo is not only a classification or a type of music it's also taken over the way one expresses themselves by dressing. It includes the tighter fitting pants to the dyed-black or dark hair with it covering your face. The longer hair in front with the spikes in the back is also a more Emo- or emotional look to dressing. Emo is also being known as for the hot emo guys and emo girls kissing. From pictures all on the web to the music videos. Hot emo girl to girl and well as hot emo guy to guy is becoming more and more adventurous and more open concluding; Emo meaning being comfortable with oneself. Its a more direct way of altering the feelings one has without words, just emotion.

Some say music is not a type of music. That it is more of a fashion and a way of feeling, hence the emotional. Just recently people have been considering emo to be a genre or music.. Taking back Sunday is one of the many bands people consider to be emo.

Wondering why everyone hates emo? Not all emo people are cry babies or suicidal. Many emo kids come from families which are having serious issues whether it being money issues or what have you

What is emo to mean to you? Send me ur comments what it means to you and we will add your description.



Viewers Voice

Emo,yes it is short for emotional. But,there is more to emo then hair and looks. Emo is a state of mind. Most people,made them selves appear emo. While in reality,they have to much hope to be emo. Emo is much like goth. But,goth is Darker. Emo is more emotional,harder to fake. Yes,some em os cut themselves,but there is more than that. Emo is one of the hardest things,to explain. People hate em os,b/c they view us as suicidal,cry babies,or just week. That's NOT what emo is. Suicidal yes,at times. But,don't judge me for being emo. It's not what I chose to be. It's just what I am. - lee



Another says....


I think emo is just another label,but my definition of it will be for real.Personally,i used to cut,but I stopped.Take it from me.It's hard to stop!I am bi,but I'm not afraid of it!People shouldn't judge us for what we do and who we are.Emo is a music genre,but also a state of mind.If you're emo,don't be afraid of it.It's just who you are!It's perfectly normal to have a sensitive side,although I'm sassy sometimes.I'm really sensitive when 90% of the time.I love being who I am,though I get bullied alto.I don't care.Well,in my opinion,emo is just how people describe over-sensitive people.I write tons of poetry,and I'm in middle school.I am not ashamed to say I like girls,ever since I was 9,I have liked girls.I can't help how I feel! But over the summer,I've changed a bit.I'm not AS sensitive,but I still am.I don't let people put me down.Emo is just about being sensitive and expressing how you feel about something.If you get suicidal thoughts,talk to someone,trust me!Don't make the mistake I did.I am a lot better off without blades. andi

I'm back and I'm bored

9:00 in the morning, the usual "drowsy" near end of the day. Am so tired after much doing lenten activities, i thought of having a short break for awhile...just a tiny itsy bitsy quick rest will do just fine:)
So, here i go again writing down visual thoughts into an interactive black and white slate...but what am i to parlay this time?

-Politics?....*no not that!
-Science?....*Schools over dude.
-Algebra & Mathematics?...*Come on, were not even engineers :(
-History?.....*are we gonna talk dead things again?...get a life!
-Quantum Physics?....*Don't even dream were Rocket scientist or the sort :p
-Relationships?.......*hmmm is it social studies this time? well among the above choices lets tackle this one.

Relationships, the ever elusive commitment am searching for. I have wondered so many times how it feels to have someone really close?
And I'm referring to not just a friend, an acquaintance or a guardian but all in one aspect, in one character, in one person...someone you love.
Many of my friends said it's total bliss and some say it's a pain in the hind lol. Whatever they say i believe it is something more than those 2 definitions but a collage of mixed love, hate, care, understandings, misunderstandings, devotion, betrayal, humility, sacrifices, and decisions all brewed into one beautiful complex.
If you ask me it sounds entirely confusing however i think i have the notion what it really is...just pure relationship in the form of being as one.

*hey wait a minute, did you said as one?
-yes i did...
*what do you mean as one? you mean?
-Ok don't get funny ideas, let me explain...

Ahem...we have in the dictionary the word "Individual", a person, a single being, just one entity & nothing else. The word refers as a solitary figure doing just about the normal range of being itself.

*is this gonna take long?
-don't worry it wont.

Going back, we can verily describe ourselves as it just that concept but what if that so called individual finds another and its just so happens the uncanny manifest. Sparks fly, sweet sounding tune is heard everywhere and doesn't know
where it's coming from?
both entangled in a world of fascination between each other, the offering of gifts, twinkle in the eyes, head over heels...blah..blah...blah....this...that...you get the picture.

*What picture?
-Don't get me started...

And so when two people agree together, makes choices with congruence on both side's opinion we can suggest they act uniformly and when they do i can describe it in figurative language like they are in rhythm or in a harmonious synchronization of perpetual mutual ambiance of feelings and emotions in a non-satirical, non-tyrannical, non-dominant application of soothing regards in vice-versa that both does not promote deviations or any liable enormity that would hamper and antagonize the nexus in a depreciating, agonizing eventuality that would lead to total disastrous breakage of cresending happiness into a pitfall of paradox and irony that would succumb them both into a chasm of solitude, non-conformity and paranoia which is a total dis-integrating and crushing blow of dis-consolidation.

*.....uhh...huh..
-.....uhh...huh...what?
*....i said yeah right....whatever Einstein.
-you're pathetic.

But seriously in my own world, relationship is a gift. A gift that allows you to show your kindness and unconditional care to the other. A privilege that ultimately shows anyone or anybody the desire for care. I believe in every person there is so much caring deep within that needs to be brought about...its one of the process of allowing themselves to be "human".

In an over turn, Some can't handle relationships because some have not managed to allow themselves to be sincere...that is all. Relationship is about sincerity and humility, it does not tell whose right and whose wrong but the other way around. Knowing if the other is wrong and tries to correct the mistake in a humble manner. The way how one shows rectification in a loving way to the other, always and is always the best solution to any instability of every relationships.

I have always known this, yet fate has set aside this dream. All i could think is God is wanting me to focus on him first...i love God but i wonder what is his reason why he wants me to face the task single handedly or perhaps maybe just maybe facing the task alongside with him...just him and I both.

*now you're the one who sounds pathetic
-i am pathetic but i am well treasured from someone who has the most love of all.
*......no comment.

I honestly admit that my situation cuts both ways, and it's driving deep inside every time moments pass. I don't know maybe i feel too much no wonder i always feel like i'm heading straight to a broken heart even if my heart is in one piece. Maybe i'm being masochistic in a sense i got used to thriving to my angst but that scene was long ago, I'm a new person now. I don't feel like the way i do in heavy downpour anymore my life is already turning for the best and all is getting better and better......however i can't seem to figure out the missing part of me...the other half who has me....

*Dude...you lost me.
-are you even listening?
*just continue

There is nothing i can do as of now, i'm helpless with this predicament.hmmm...i feel awful when i do hahaha.
How i really wish i could say to myself one day all the funny words i spoke sometimes lie when love surprise, oh how i wish that comes true....like one in million chance.

*there is nothing wrong to dream, it's free..
-it sure is
*good luck
-Thanks i guess :(

I took the time to think it over and over like a never ending story, sober as i am in these days of dampness nevertheless i am happy as i am. At least i never have to do the most hardest lesson of all...

*and that is?

-"The art of letting go"

It scares me when i hear it, i mean when others have failed does it suggest i'm also inclined to it?
I think not, i'm not afraid coz i know how to care...even if its unfair.

*hail to Martyrdom!

You just don't get it do you? Relationships wont be possible if both haven't been in most sinking level. it's that part where their faithfulness is tested. It also brings about the inner passion if one decides to hold on for what he/she believes that the relationship is worth fighting for or far....dying for. Amidst the storm if both were really destined then no matter and no matter what they will always be unchanged.

*Unchanged?
-As they were, as they are and as they will be together like nothing happened...'unchanged".

I wish someone taught me early advices for the young at heart. Then perhaps i would have known which step to take not to be so in this ordeal. Sadly no one ever came but it's alright i have the whole wide world in my hand and
I could be happy right now, me and my shadow in make believe universe lol yeah i'm so full of it.

*Dude, i know some people you could talk to late at night on phone and they could lighten you up a bit
-heck, what are you taking me for?! I'm not that desperate!
*just want to help dude :D

In any case, relationships are meant to make people happy. there i made the story short.

*Dude, i wish you have said that earlier, now i understand you.
-....................................i can't even believe i'm talking to my alter-ego. It's a good thing nobody reads this blog.
*so what's the moral story?
-the moral story is, just be glad and content when you love someone...and do it sincerely.
*So what about you?
-As for me? i guess i'll just Follow my road where it leads me...i'm sure i'll get to stumble someone along the way.

Hmmm...time fly so quickly time for me to get ready for my boardwork! you know what i'm afraid, at least i have a load off my mind...thanks to this diary i feel a lot lighter.

*dude you forgot to thank me listening to your jargons:)
-Whatever.

Forgive and Forget

As followers of Christ, our character should mirror His character. We should be helpful to one another, kind and tender toward one another, understanding and loving. Most of all, we should be extending forgiveness to one another in the same way that Christ extends forgiveness toward us. In other words, forgive unconditionally. Many times, people won’t forgive until the other person says they are sorry. Or, they won’t forgive because they think somehow they are punishing the other person or giving them what they deserve. But the only person that is hurt by your un forgiveness is you. When you hold un forgiveness, you can’t be forgiven by God, and you are the one locked up in the hurt and pain. Don’t hold un forgiveness any longer! Forgiveness simply begins with a choice to obey God’s command. When you open your heart to forgiveness, you open your heart to God’s healing and restoration in your life. Make the choice today to forgive others—readily and freely—as God in Christ forgave you!

Have a Blessed Holy Wednesday.

Up Above

What are you looking at today? Are there challenges in your life to overcome? Don’t just look at your problems day in and day out, lift up your eyes and look toward heaven. You will naturally move in the direction that your eyes are looking. If you are always looking at your problems—meditating on them, feeling sorry for yourself, telling everybody about them—you will become consumed by them. But when you look up, your life will start to move up. When you keep your eyes on Jesus, it is also a sign of your faith and expectancy. The Bible tells us that faith is what moves the hand of God. When you have an attitude of faith and expectancy, you open the door for His power in your life. Decide today to focus on the goodness of our God. Lift your eyes and heart to Him and begin to praise Him with your words. As you lift your eyes, your help will come, and you will live the victorious life He has in store for you!

Have a Blessed Holy Tuesday.

Remain in HIM

"Have you ever thought about the relationship between the branch and the vine? We don’t use these kinds of word pictures very much anymore, but think about it--if the branch is not attached to the vine, it withers and dies. The branches’ very life depends on it being attached to the vine. The same thing happens if we try to operate in this life without Jesus. Without Him, we can do nothing. We are cut from our life source. But when you remain in Him, by daily connecting with Him through prayer and worship then your life will be fruitful. You’ll walk in joy and blessing. I love that this verse says "much fruit", which means you will have an abundant harvest in your life. God doesn’t want you to just barely get by. He wants to overwhelm you with His goodness. Remain in Him today. Choose to make Him top priority, and you’ll see His hand of blessing operating in every area of your life!"

Have a Blessed Holy Monday.

Crazy Sick People

One day a friend of mine was sharing to me her not so good experience with a nasty friendster she has encountered on her space. This "person" (a HE) has conveniently browse on every single photo she has and loves to make nasty comments to people who have posted comments on those photos? he would be taking his own time out checking and browsing like a stalker and whenever he saw comments that he might not like it, lo and behold! he strikes hahaha. . what a total wreck! and not only once he did but my friend says oftentimes. . .She was so upset that she accosted this person and funny was? the person (through messaging) just readily says; sorry! you cant take jokes can you? - - DUH! the nerves to say this to a lady hahaha! where are your balls man! She was really upset that she decided to remove this person from her circle of friends. When I asked if she regretted her action? she did not hesitate to answer back; disrespectful and nasty people have no room in my space. . . well said sister, bravo! what a price for him to pay!

It is really disturbing to see that there are people who have nothing nice to say and nothing good to do and just shows how moron they are in this space. And worst is? in their desperation to be noticed by everyone (get to notice him kasi!!) conveniently throw nasty nauseating words against people that they merely know or didn't know at all? "Friendster" is suppose to be synonymous with bridging, bonding, fostering, knowing, meeting and maybe eventually making solid friendships along the way till the end! Tsk, tsk, you guys just don't realize the joy that this space brought to us. We are so privileged to have this space where we can freely connect and get in touch with friends regardless how far or near these people are to us, this obviously and surely shortens the distance between friends but then there are still useless people around who abuse it and sadly abuse it in expense of others too. Hey, you!. . .yes you - nasty friendster. . If you have nothing nice to say towards other people in this space? or if you have nothing good to do and just disrespect others ? Man! am telling you, what goes around comes around. You are not a kid anymore, are you!! (What a shame, coz even the real kids here in this space are behaving well??) And if you extract excitement and happiness by doing unlikely things towards people? Man! you're sick, not just sick but damn sick and you better see your psychiatrist before it's too late and keep your sanity.

Mind your act, be responsible of your action, youd don't want to end up in the gutter either do you! Do not wait for the time that your remaining friends will one by one spam or remove you from their spaces coz you are damn f----n asshole (my apology of saying so!) You are not worth to be called a friend, not even as an acquaintance. People will not not hesitate to remove you from their space if you are really misbehavin. .

Siggh! crazy sick people. . . i hope they will not proliferate in this world.

"FRIENDS ARE TRULY PERKS TO OUR LIVES AND THAT WE MUST CHERISH IT"

Of Love and Threshold

Most often people have their own fantasy of their lovelife. What you want your partner to look like, your perfect date or how your want your wedding to be. Down to the smallest detail like where you want your wedding, how beautiful your wedding dress is or even what kind of souvenier you plan to give out. We'd also think of what we think we can endure when it comes to love.

As we go through life and experience things of all sorts, we surprise ourselves at how we alter our dreams and exceed what we thought was our threshold for pain.

After a breakup, we'd cry rivers of tears and decide that we can't live without our partners. We'd often cry out that we can't take anymore. But when time has passed and memories forgotten, we'd fall for another and a new threshold is set. As long as we chose to open our hearts and free ourselves from the web of past pains, we continue to love and let ourselves be loved - a new threshold is set.

When we look back at how far our current level is at, it may surprise you that it's very different from how you once imagined yourself. But when will it stop? How will one know if they've already reached the limit? Or is there any limit at all?

I guess the answer would be, if you're with the person who loves you and treats you right, makes you happy and supports you when you're weakened, comforts you, never lies and hurt you, there's really no levels or limits.

We simply hope that the person you're morphing yourself for is the right one, otherwise I think it would be a shame to lose yourself for someone who won't be there for you till the end.

Unstable Persona

At one time, all is going well….that’s what I thought. How many times do we really see reality and when it knocks, we try hard not to open its doors for we are scared of facing its undeniable truth. How many times do we trust our instincts and ended up making wrong moves? Defense mechanism…that’s all it is. Hiding from reality and forcing to show a face of a strong being. Projection---- others are not aware that many people project their frustrations and disappointments to a completely unaware person. What good does it do? Then at another time, we seem to act on impulse, decide on impulse without rattling our brains and taking as an example time thinking on what is the right thing to do…..IMPULSIVENESS!! SELF-CONTRITENESS!


I can say that I’m an unstable sort of man, not knowing what I want in life…I’m constantly fighting traumas in my life. I say this blah blah… but did I actually say those things? ----What’s the outcome?--Hurting the people I love the most because I just think about myself too much, I can’t decide on my own, I’m gullible and I’m easily manipulated. I am scared of following my heart’s desire. Isn't’t it nice that one has to go through dark roads before seeing your true self? Crossroads they call it. One has to choose only one and choosing the wrong path changes everything. It can either offer joy or despair. Whichever way it is, no one is to be blamed but ourselves.


What to do next? Hold on to the lessons learned and move on until we can take a mature step again and never stumble again. Losing a loved one is not really losing the memories. All will remain within us. We’ll just have to cling to those memories and use it for making us stable again.

BEHAVE

hyper sad kaayo ni xa oi!"
"samok mars, ayaw pag cge og binata!"
"pagpuyo bah! samuk kaayu ka..."

Few of the things said to me whenever i have lots of sugar in my body... meaning everytime i feel so happy about something that i couldn't contain myself, that i don't know what to do... i know lots of people get annoyed with me... with my presence... well can't blame them... even the very people i expect to like me, unfortunately, don't (especially when my energy reaches its summit!)... but i ain't saying that i hate them or i don't like them anymore or something like that... in fact, i really appreciate the fact that they get really patient with me... i am no day at the beach... i am a very extreme person... when i'm happy, i get EXTREMELY happy... when i'm sad, i get REALLY sad to the point that i cry even for the things that aren't worth crying (like imaginations)... when i'm angry, i shout!!! i'll let you know that i don't like something... the problem is that i don't talk (ooows?!)... i don't know how to communicate what i don't want, why i don't want that... i don't wanna explain things... i want you to figure it out... FIGURE IT OUT!! see? being with me is never and never will be a picnic... but i am exerting efforts, and i mean EFFORTS, here... i'm really trying to behave the way i should behave... and then i get so excited about things and then this child inside me pops out of nowhere... i'm sorry about that... ok? just give me more time... c: well anyways, thanks a lot guys for being with me and for extending your patience...

no offense here to anyone... just blogging to let SOME of it out...

What do i have

We all have past, let us not forget that. Whatever and Wherever we are right now, we were led here by our past decisions, by the way how we dealt with our circumstances and how we lived our so called life..it’s the same factors that will brought us to our future.

But the question is, what do we have from our past that played a major role on our current state? Have we followed the rules? Have we done the right decisions? Do we have disappointments as a result of those decisions we made?

We may or may not acknowledge it but we all made mistakes , we all fail one way or another. But we are in charge of our lives and it’s up to us to make things better or bitter. I have my own share of failures, I have my own shortcomings , but nevertheless I have no regrets. If have to live all over again I will take the same path , probably make the same decisions that I did in the past.

Im only saying ... I am happy now maybe not too happy, I don’t have everything in life, I haven’t gone to so many places to see the beauty of the other side of the world, and haven’t tasted a lot of different foods, and my bank account doesn’t even have a six figures but it’s not what matters to me..... What matters to me is YOU. With that, I have all the happiness that life can bring...

Caught in between

Let me apologize to begin with...
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say...
It's hard to know something that you didn't want to know... The hardest part of it is when your friend is involved in it but you can't say it to her since the one that drop those words are a friend of your also... You try to hide it as much as possible to protect both of them but who are you fooling? in the end it will be you lying to yourself... Thinking that you've done a good job but no, you didn't... You just make someone's life more miserable, and you tolerate someone's stupidity... It feels like you've been caught between your lies and how the truth get in your way... and yet, guilt is your only companion with this..

GTG

Is it wrong to terribly miss old things? i think nothing is wrong when one suddenly feels so empty. i believe a thing is never wrong as long as nobody gets hurt... it is only now that i am starting to feel this way, probably it was due to the piled up "kamalasan" i went through yesterday.... sad sad really.. who would have thought? so tired... i feel like i just want to rest... but worst of all i am emotionally sad... i think this blog started off with "missing stuff", now let's go back to that.i believe that you will have a period in your life that will either make you or break you... the past few days were quite different from the rest... i guess if things have not changed much then maybe i could still manage a smile.

it's been freaking mad, a bit lonelier, a bit better(maybe? not sure but yes i guess it did) not having L around.. it's kind of weird.. i mean how the feeling could go on. when you have your circle of friends and suddenly everything changes just because of hear says... Friendship, i thought is the most important thing in the world so how could some people easily ruin it? such a mess.. it's hard to admit to everyone else that i've been affected at how things went over the past few days.. although i am much content, happy and better now at the same time i ponder on what could have had happened if the things that happened before didn't really occurred.but why so, that just this week i've felt like crying over what happened. it is only now that i feel affected. really! i don't know how to say goodbye...

the person who's been always so kind to me and understanding despite my being rude, judgemental, mean.. i was unfair to this person and now i wonder how much kindness i've shown? or if i was ever kind? i was always mean, and always blaming all the things that's got to do with her painfully hurting me... but i honestly cared.. i was not able to show it though, because i don't know how.. and now i stop and think if that person will ever know how much i cared, or how much i appreciated every single kindness that was always there.. i guess though, i will never have that one more day, that one chance of letting that friend of mine know that to me she was a true friend... all i could do is just write these things out.

---gtg---

Finding Happiness

Why is it so hard to do something you know that you really need to do? Then, when you've already done it, you regretted doing it because it just feels so wrong...You know that you've done the right thing but it feels wrong to you because you're hurting inside... you have to make choices that you know is right and yet at the same time, wishing that you're not supposed to be right 'coz being right will only bring you pain... It would be best for you but you also know that you will be hurt in the process.. you should be able to face the pain because you know that everything will turn out better than you expected... You should be brave and stick with your decision no matter how painful it may be for you..


I believe that moving on and completely letting go the person that you love is one of the hardest things a person needs to do in order to start over.. but when you fall for a different person and try to gather all the pieces of your life that were scattered during the time when you're alone, the same thing happens.. it's just like a damn routine.. there's the getting to know stage.. after that stage, there is the "kilig " stage... then, you'll realize that you already love that certain person.. I believe that when it comes to that stage, that's the time when you feel that you must hold on to that feeling.. I was just like everybody else... i thought that finding someone new will make me forget about him and i thought i will be happy again.. well i was, but during that time, i felt like there's always something that's not right... at the end, i realized that before anything else, i must learn to let go of the past .. i realized that i can be happy if a want to even if I'm alone .. It's all about how you look at things.. If you really want to be happy, then find a way to be happy.

I'm in love...but you don't care

Ah, another entry on love and again. Remember the lines that go: And I'm aware...I'm in love but you don't care? Yep, you guessed it, my binding theme for this entry.

Honestly, I was quite hesitant to write about this because I feel quite strongly about the said lines. I didn't want to trash it or do it such vile injustice. But I also thought a lot of people would more or less relate to this topic because I guess at some point they had once "loved" a person who seemed to be utterly clueless and oblivious to the his or her affection. The one-sided phenomenon.

When you think you've fallen for someone, the only thing that seems to matter is for that person to approximately reciprocate the way you feel for him or her. You make that person like you. But sometimes that making-him-like-me process can be so excruciating! It's always a load of mind games and the over-analysis of things. Especially if you're like me who tends to shred everything into bits, every minute detail, nothing is spared. I view this so-called process as a challenge but sometimes, challenges aren't so fun anymore when the goal is too out of sight and out of reach. It's like quicksand. The more you struggle, the more you sink. It's standing on shaky ground, or in this case, no ground at all. No one's going to catch you. Maybe it's only for the stalwart-hearted and the strong-willed soul.

But in end, who enjoys pursuing someone who doesn't seem to give a damn? Who enjoys being hurt all too often? We reach a point where self-love enters the picture. We could choose to continue but we know we shouldn't. Maybe it's time to realize that not everything goes the way we it to regardless of how persistent we are.

I'm in love but you don't care. And knowing with all that was said, that nothing is enough, you should find in that enough reason to slowly let go. That you do deserve someone better. With love along with all its stupidity and beauty, there comes a point where you realize you don't want to listen to sad love songs, or watch drippy movies, or read schmaltzy stories, you want the real thing not a mere reflection of it. So there, it's time to stop. Stop not because you're hurting, not because you're sad, not because you're scared. BUT because YOU LOVE. More.

Review

After reviewing the last few entries in this blog, it seems to me that there's an undercurrent of sadness. I guess I've been really down in the dumps lately, and it's spilling over here. And while I know that this is my space and I can say and feel anything I want here, I've decided that I need to do something about the gloominess I've brought here because I'm not normally a gloomy person.


Time flies so quickly. Other times so slowly it feels painful to our minds and bodies. What amazes me sometimes is how things change and yet stay the same as the clock ticks away.Most of it would be kind of boring to write about, however. But since it's my blog and I can write whatever I want, I'll be boring.

Writing is my tool.. words are my sword. I will write as long as I want to. They say that no one can hurt you without you allowing them to, and true, you'll never know how much you love somebody until you see how much he can hurt you.


There is nothing wrong with loving a person but when our world stops because of that love, when we lose sight of our own selves because of our longing to be with someone, when we begin to compromise in favor of what our heart dictates, then we will lose our ability to act and think rationally and make sensible decisions.


At times I didn't know what to feel. But more than anything, I pitied myself... yes.. several times. I know I am accountable for everything I do, for all what's happening in my life. Nothing to blame but myself. I didn't have the slightest intention of hurting anyone, I was just being the best person I could be. But then again, I feel I am alone. All alone.


No one knows what the future holds for us. Let us make the best of today so we can always look back with a smile and look forward to tomorrow with hope of not making the same mistakes again and the hope of finding love that will last us our lifetime...

6 months

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS
1. The person you love most will be the same person who will hurt you most. They will be your strength...but they will also be your weakness...

2. You can never change the world in one click of your fingers. It even took God seven days to make it, how can you top that?! But that doesn't mean you can't try, right?

3. If you want something to happen, you just can't wait until it happens. You have to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

4. Those who gamble the most, takes home the biggest prize. Those who don't even gamble are the biggest losers.

5. It pays to watch the news and be aware of current events. That way you know when to bring an umbrella and where to take the reroute to avoid traffic!

6. Secrets don't exist... You can never keep one no matter how hard you try! Same as white lies! They're still LIES... no matter what color you call them! Honesty, is and will always be the BEST policy! So elementary! :)

7. When you feel bad, CRY. When you feel sad, CRY. When you feel angry, CRY. When you feel lost, CRY. When you feel alone, CRY. It's okay to CRY, who said it isn't? Just make sure that you SMILE afterwards!

8. The bitterest tears are for those words left unspoken and actions left undone. SAY IT! DO IT! Before it's too late.

9. Other people's lives are NONE of your business, not unless they ask you to be in it! Mind your OWN business! Stop talking about other people's lives. It's due time that you HAVE YOUR OWN!

10. You don't go looking for love, love comes looking for you. Love always has a reason for coming and going. You can never ask it to come or force it to stay. You can only wait until it arrives, cherish it while it's there, and then let it go when the right time comes for it to go. If Love comes back, then that's when you truly call it your own. It's yours' to keep. Take care of it. Nurture it. Value it. And believe me, the rewards will be tenfolds. :)

My Prayer

"God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change;
courage to change things that I can and
wisdom to know the difference..."This prayer reminds me that there are things beyond our control. No matter how hard we try, we have to let go of some things. Acceptance is a way of letting go and moving on. When you learn to accept; letting go and moving on is easier.

However, there are some things that are within our control but don't easily realize that. We sometimes stick to things that we thought are worth sticking to even they hurt us most because we think they complete us somehow. Only realizing later that they barely have meaning in our lives.

That is the purpose of pain somehow, to make us stop..to think things over and hopefully get back on our senses to know what's keep working on and not...

Long lost Innocence

Love perseveres. Men change."
After all that I have been through, each time that a situation calls me to remember the past, I realize that I have never really grown out of love...It's just that, I found more and learned. So true enough, it perseveres. But we learn and change.

I just thought of it when I had a conversation last night with a someone special. Weird...after a long time of trying to delete that part of my memory I started digging it out again.

I have changed a lot. Love and revenge changed me. I have loved so much and when I lost it, I fought for it the wrong way. To my mistake; I'm sorry I have gotten you into that mess. Past is past. That was just it. I have lost that innocence that love has tried so hard to keep safe for me. At some point I am sorry about it, but then, I learned and I moved on. It brought me to where I am. I could only be thankful that I didn't totally drown in hell with the kind of life that we could have possibly put ourselves into. To the love that I lost; I thank you. That's it.

It hurts to think of the past, not that I am being sorry for losing or being betrayed or played on but it hurts me to realize how much time and feelings I have wasted then...and it would always hurt to realize not being able to control myself.

I have made my mistake. There's nothing that I can do about it but to move on. Having gone through it all and being honest about it to every person who would ask about it doesn't make me lesser of a person. If they wouldn't be able to accept me for that, fine. I can't do anything about their ignorance. As I have always said before; I am not born to please anybody.

Until I found out I am inlove again, I promised I wouldn't make the same mistake and would try hard to keep it...for good...and may God help me keep it...let the universe conspire...

If it wouldn't be now, then may be next year, the next year or the next and other next...I don't care how long it would let me wait...for as long as it doesn't lead me back to the same trash...

Trust VS Mistrust

Trust is a very important thing to me as I am sure it is to everyone. Trust is what makes people stay friends. Without trust we will withdraw and never share our feelings, thoughts, emotions with anyone.

I have had friendships break up and I still hold the same secrets that were told to me during the friendship. I do this not only for those who have shared their secrets but for myself also. I feel there is integrity and honor in safeguarding trust, regardless of what happens to the relationship.

Trust is a sacred thing. The ability to hold that trust with honor and integrity when things may have gone awry is a highly admirable quality. Trust is such a fragile thing as well. Once broken it rarely grows again.

Everyone has had their trust violated at some point in time and it can be devastating.

Trust, honor, loyalty, a man is an empty vessel without these traits.

You know it, I know it, not everyone does.

We must be careful who we place our trust in, good judgment isn't always as good as we first suspected. We can't let a bad judgment or one pathetic person skew our view of humanity. It's more difficult in cyberland to make good judgments, but we are learning aren't we?

I realize that it is only a select few that have no scruples. Yes I am learning.

Our principles should not waver in the face of someone else's unprincipled behavior.

I find it hard to trust, but trust is an important part of friendship, in fact the most important.

Trust is what make the best and truest friends. Sadly, trust is one I do not give out to often, which in turn leaves me a bit friendless. Nobody really knows who I am, so I am able to be honest and trust that all secrets are well secrets!

Trust can be a dangerous thing to give to another, which in my opinion, is why it is hard to gain.

In the right hands it can be a devastating weapon or it could be the most wonderful thing a person could receive. I choose the second one myself.

I don't know you all that well, working on that though, but I still am wanting you to know that I am a person who sticks up for what is right and for the real truth. Its something I have striven for all my life. (is striven even a word?) If you need it I will be there for you or anyone who needs it. THAT is the truth!

"The trust I give.... too soon I fear.....is given well to you....If not returned to me....
I know, mine was not undone."

Keep asking

Is there something you are believing God for? Does it seem like it’s taking a long time to come to pass? Be encouraged today! Through faith and patience you will inherit the promise. You can trust that God’s Word is true. Submit your prayers to the Lord, and keep an attitude of faith and expectancy. Keep asking. Keep seeking. Keep knocking on the door, and it will be opened to you. It may seem like it’s taking a long time, but know this: God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. He is orchestrating things in your favor. He is perfecting whatever concerns you. Don’t give up! Start thanking God for His faithfulness in your life. As you stay faithful in your prayers and thanksgiving, the Lord will move mightily on your behalf. He’ll take you places that you’ve never dreamed, and you will live the life of victory He has in store for you.

Talking to myself

Talking to one's self sounds so crazy and weird. . but it is not! Of course you wouldn't take a chance talking out loud in a public place would you? Surely, people would reasonably think that you are going nuts! Worst scenario here would be; people might think that you really are and they would end up calling authorities and in your profound wildest dream would lead you somewhere that you may least expected it. So, be wary and choose the right place to where and when you talk to your self. For me? I talk to my self for just simple heart-warming reasons and if you dread me for this? I am sorry but one thing I could assure you, I am not crazy but I just want to do this my way.

I talk to my self when I am sad; it gives me a feeling of relief in the end;

I talk to my self when I am in trouble; it gives me the ability to weigh things rationally;

I talk to my self when I am mad; it gives me the time I need to calm down;

I talk to my self when I feel hopeless; it gives me the pleasure to think optimistic;

I talk to my self when I had a fight with a loved one; it would strike me a chord and act;

I talk to my self when I am so damn exhausted; it would always loosen me up;

I talk to my self when I lost something; it gives me the assurance that I could still have those back someday;

I talk to my self when I am pressured at work; it would guarantee me the comfort of my bed at the end of the day;

I talk to my self when things go wrong; it would justify me that tomorrow is another new day;

I talk to my self when I am lonely; it would give me a direction to the store to grab an ice cream for a treat;

I talk to my self when I am bruised; it gives me an energy to re-collect myself with courage;

I talk to my self when I am bored; it would remind me to do something new and different;

I talk to my self when I felt so sluggish; it would remind me to get my energy and muscles back;

I talk to my self when I am wounded; it would remind me that sulking has no place in my heart;

But. . . .

I also talk to my self when I am happy; it gives me a gratifying big smile;

I also talk to my self when I have done well; it gives me a feeling of self worthiness;

I also talk to my self when I have won in a game; It pats me big time on my back;

I also talk to my self when I have finished my job on time; it assures me of my competency at work;

I also talk to my self when I have helped someone in need; It humbly assures me of my social obligation to others;

I also talk to my self when I made someone happy; it assures me of my capability;

I also talk to my self when I love someone; it would give me more reasons to love;

I also talk to my self when I have made my pet happy; it gives me a norturing feeling and a rewarding purr;

I also talk to my self when I have done things new to me; it would show me my other raw (untapped) potentials;

I also talk to my self when I thought about my family; it gives me a sense of longing ness;

I also talk to my self when i have seen flowers and greens; it assures me of my appreciation to nature;

I also talk to my self when I have acquired new things; it would remind me that it is not always work and indulgence is ok;

I also talk to my self when I have pacified differences; it gives me the confidence to bridge gaps ;

I also talk to my self when someone made me feel special; it would make me buy a rose and thank the person a 100X.

Undeniably yes, I talk to my self a whole lot and the good thing is? It works wonder on me. It gives me the capability to use my faculties to evaluate things, enjoy my feelings I have inside and the feeling of gratitude that I have afterwards, is a blissful reward. I am not crazy-crazy and weird-weird kinda' person but I talk to myself whenever I feel like connecting to my self and whatever state of senses I am in . . . just like I am talking to you or to anybody else.

In this world where "temporary" is a dog-eared statement and people around us tend to be unreliable and volatile as they too oftentimes gobbled by their own problems, concerns and priorities as well, we tend to shy away and distance ourselves a little and say oopps! not because they don't have ready answers for us but because demanding even a little time from them is somewhat too much for us to humbly ask for. In moments like this, we develop our own approaches and defences on how to deal with our own emotions, judgments, worries, uncertainties, questions and even happiness, joy, excitement and pleasure just to keep our sanity at bay, and the only person you could readily rely on is no other than Y-O-U - - then rely and lean on to that, talk to your self and you will be surprised to see how reliable and wonderful your shots would be that you do not need any intervention of any sort to appraise and evaluate things within our very own range of able reasoning. After all, you couldn't say no (to yourself). . . . could you?

Piece of me

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY THE PART WHERE YOU HURT ME. . . t he sun again kissed my being as the day started its pretty good, exciting, blessed, harsh and enigmatic earth day. and so before i start my lifeline i would like to thank you for the pain you inflicted in me. the tremendous uncongenial words thrown upon me and the insult who imprinted in my heart is still fresh and vivid in this spiral life of mine. I’m sorry if i offended you, it’s not because I hated you but it’s because my love for you is true but jealous. it’s not me who initiated such but its because you tried to mangle the life i am having. and so as denying and forcing our mutual feelings – and so I agree but it’s no fault if a spiraled person like me goes beyond it – and that it was a consented one for you know and you the true feelings yet you forced me to let it out. why and what the fuck we are in if such will kill me and destroy my being? how could someone do that to me? the one whom I love so much and the one whom i treasured a lot.

I read melancholy

Just now i read somebody's blog...it was emotional. Though the theme was sad and lonesome but i commend the author for being honest exhibiting the words that rhymed into a heartfelt story...


Somehow i feel nostalgic, i can feel i had the same situation long ago but mine was a case of loving someone but never loved in return. I hear the song of yesterday blues again :) but they don't haunt me anymore, not to the point they lead me to brokenheart avenue. I have learned many lessons, numerous trials that made me strong and unbreakable, But sometimes i couldn't help myself wonder if everything was the way i always hoped it to be...happy ever after. We all yearn for "happy ever after" don't we? even it only happens in fairy tales but there is a possibility it can come true, right?
hmmm...Wishful thinking, we are good at it:) i have to be in first place when it comes to imagination. Yes, imagination is all that matters to me when all the world is hurting, I just close my eyes and think everything is the opposite of whats happening in reality and it works well :) even if its just a dream but a worthwhile dream it is.


Going back to that blog, i can share the same sentiments but i do not wish to elaborate and rekindle the past, whats done is done and it happened for a reason. If i can give an advice..perhaps not an advice but a straightforward answer to the writer, i have to say you did your part well, There is nothing more you can do better when you have done your best. "Di ka nagkulang", you just know how to love sincerely. So, if you are thinking what is loving sincerely have to do with your present circumstance and ask further will it help alleviate the yearning and the pangs of solitude? well, yes and yes...it all depends on how adamantly hopeful you are for new beginnings. Loving sincerely is often misunderstood by those who never knew how because it is their imperfection but for those who does... :) you know the answer.

I remember a good friend who told me once, "Loving is meant for a reason and sometimes for only a season" ----> Sounds cheesy right? it does and undoubtedly undeniably true.
if we try to comprehend the phrase, loving someone has always a reason either good, bad or ugly it has to have a reason, even the most trivial cause for it no exception. They say love is a many splendor things, of all that which you seek are in there like a basket full of goodies to relish. But sometimes things can get sour when in the long run & parting ways has to happen. A Sad eventuality due to irresolvable issues and dilemmas but its a normal occurrence as life itself unfolds a new chapter for both lovers. And now Loving for a season comes in to place and its usually the case, when one finds himself/herself to the point of losing the other forever then the relationship was never meant to be. Still there is always something to be glad about despite the insurmountable heaviness of despair deviates you from living normally since being alone is never easy especially when you are accustomed living as one with the significant other. Figuratively, its like you are in the middle of an immovable object in collision with an unstoppable force...you can't describe the feeling.

Truth is i have to cut this blog short, i'm not an expert on this field. And if ever i continue i'm just opening wounds to reckon.

My last message, however the situation is always be hopeful...its the only lifesaver you have until someone rescues you...it only take time. Cheers!

Happy Heart's Day!!! Let's Celebrate LOVE

V day

The month of the hearts...February and it's day on 14th.
So what's so special about this event? A lot, all those mushy stuffs, chocolates, presents with the color red and the ever unfailing heart symbol accompanied with sweet lines that melts you to the core. All the things that makes you feel like in cloud 9....yup a collection of delicatessens you only get to have at it's fullness on this day...if, that is your attached;)

haha unlikely from someone who doesn't have anyone should explain tid bits on it :P I never celebrated Valentine's day with anyone though i really wished i had but fate doesn't seem to want me with anybody sincere enough. I guess bad luck on my side, well not really, i should be fair since there were those who gave signals to be a contender but obnoxiously suplado ako lol haha:) Because of that Character...solitude is my friend, i deserve it somehow.
But i remember couple of years ago i used to celebrate it with someone very special, the best part i recall was the time we were on bay side watching as the sunset goes down. Serene and tranquil backdrop i converse much about everyday life, my dreams and goals......it was all nice, that is all i can describe. i can still smell the scent of sea breeze on that day like it was yesterday and i want to enliven back again. Perhaps that would be a good idea, since i have no one to celebrate i might as well call and ask again.

Isn't that right Lord? it's you and me again on hearts day like it was years ago.

Thy Will be Done!

No more hiding. No more running away. I surrender! I wish to write the details but i would leave that to another entry. Funny how we sometimes ask the same question to get a favorable response knowing that we'll still be lead to the same answer. When God said it, that settles it. It's final! We may take detours and be delayed but God's plan will still prevail. Everything that happens is either God-set or God-used. We may try to argue and bargain, but still we'll just end up hurting ourselves. So we might as well cooperate. "Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery." (Ecclesiastes 8:5-6)

And yes Lord, I am stepping up. To your grace I will cling to. No more excuses!

God would really send people to confirm the Word that you have received from Him. It may be from a random encounter from people you barely know, from a preaching of a Pastor/Priest or just through a conversation with a friend. Amazing how God can really make his presence and promise obvious. His Word becoming flesh, an experience that you wish not to let go of.

I had been asking the Lord why I am still in the Philippines. And I was directed to His Word given on the start of this year. I keep a pen and paper journal and was prompted to go back to my old devotions. Amazing how God will make us remember of the promise through His Word that has been spoken to us. It led me to Isaiah 61 and Joshua 1: 3-18.

In conclusion, I realize that everything that we ask/search for, has already been graciously given to us. As the Word has already been spoken so shall it be done. Isaiah 55:11 says, "So shall my word be that goes forth out of My mouth: it shall not return to me void (without producing effect, useless), but it shall accomplish that which I please and purpose, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." Sometimes we don't really need a New Word. Sometimes we need to go back to an old promise and declare it to become a reality. What we need is a fresh revelation of a familiar WORD, for it to become a Glorious Experience- An Encounter.

As for me, am just grateful and humbled for His word that transforms and Am looking forward to more revelations and best days ahead.

Have a blessed Sunday!

That's why it's falling

Sometimes it's stupid to fall for someone that fast, i mean how could u fall for someone you just met right? but i think that's the mystery of it ..... that's why it's called falling inlove.... you don't plan it nor think about it you just fall.... the hard part is if the person your falling with won't catch you. It sucks but that's reality we can't change it. We can't blame them or get mad at them it's not their fault it's nobody's fault actually just accept it the way it is. You just have to be ready always especially if it ends up the way you don't want it to end up. Save a little strengh for yourself, don't assume they feel the same for you it'll hurt so much and you'll feel stupid. It takes time... we can never predict the future maybe now you're not on the same page but who knows maybe one day they will lucky you. And If they don't then unlucky them.... So be careful if you can control it control it don't ever ever ever fall for their words that easy beggings are really like that sweet,happy, fun, exciting.... if you can't control it then just let it be be ready for the consequence you have to face.....whatever the outcome is im sure it'll make you a stronger or better person.... Good luck guys....

Kung Hei Fat Choi

I got this from this website (Exploring Chinese History):

Many centuries ago, the Chinese had no means to measure time. The Yellow Jade Emperor, the Emperor of Heaven, decided to arrange a contest. He invited all animals to a race on his birthday. The first 12 animals who cross the swift current river and reach the designated shore would be assigned to the 12 Zodiac Years.
The cat and the rat, who were once good friends and poor swimmers, convinced the ox to carry them across the river. Being naive, gullible, good-natured, the powerful swimmer ox agreed. As they were crossing the river, the rat was worried that the cat might win the race; so the rat pushed the cat into the river. This explains why cats hate rats, because they never forgave the rat for the incident. Right before the ox and the rat reached the shore, the rat jumped off the ox's back and took first place in the race.
As the Jade Emperor named the ox as the 2nd zodiac animal, the tiger reached the finished line. Panting his way toward the Jade Emperor, the tiger explained that he had difficulty crossing the river because the current kept pushing him down stream. With his powerful strength, he was able to reach the shore safely. The Emperor recorded the tiger as the 3rd zodiac animal.
From a distance, the crowd heard a thumping noise. Twitching its pinkish nose, the rabbit told the crowd that he had to hop from one stone to another in order to cross the river. Luckily, he was able to get hold of a floating log which finally washed him to shore. The Emperor named the rabbit, the 4th zodiac animal.
In the 5th place came the dragon flying and belching fire in the air. Jade Emperor was very curious as to why the dragon came in late for he can fly and swim. Because the mighty dragon could not bare to see his people and all the creatures on earth suffer a drought, he had to stop to make rain. When he reached the river, he spotted a helpless little rabbit clutching tightly to a log, so he gave a little puff and blew the log with the rabbit on it to the shore.
Just as the Jade Emperor complimented the dragon for his consideration, he heard the horse whining and galloping. From out of the horse's hoof sneaked a shrewd slimy snake. The sudden appearance and the hissing of the snake startled the horse and made him jump backwards, thus forcing the horse to fall in 7th place and the snake to take the 6th place in the race.
From a distance, approached the sheep, the monkey, and the rooster. The rooster proudly described how he had spotted a raft from a high ground, picked up the sheep, and the monkey. Along the way, the monkey and the sheep helped clear the weeds, pulled and pushed the raft to the shore. The Emperor complimented the trios for their combined efforts and named the sheep the 8th of the zodiac animals, the monkey the 9th, and the rooster the 10th.
Just as the Emperor was making the record official, next came the dog . The dog was trying to justify to the Emperor why, being one of the best swimmers, he was late. It turned out that the dog hadn't had a bath for a long time. The river water was so clean and fresh that he had to stop. The dog was recorded as the 11th zodiac animal.
Jade Emperor was about to dismiss the crowd and retire from the long day when he heard an oink and a squeal from the little pig who was waddling down the path. Needless to explain, the pig was hungry during the race and he stopped for a feast. After the feast, he felt tired and took a little nap. The little pig made it as the last of the 12th zodiac animals.

2008 is the year of the rat! the first placer (shrewd, little ... )

2007 was indeed the year of the little pig. festive and sleep-inducing afterwards.

so the race begins all over again... ready, set, go!!!

Patience: the virtue

We’re both not fools. Yet when we do something so wrong to each other we act like fools…perhaps our love is so strong for one another we are blinded by the fact that life is going on and that we cannot stop it for anything. Even us. Perhaps it’s just me thinking so. And for that I made a grave mistake. Lashing out at you like that was one of the worst things I could do…to hurt you so much, not violently but emotionally…


I want to cry, because I am truly scared this time it is over. When I don’t want it to be. maybe my heart this time is simply refusing reality and that it is holding on to that idealistic life I have for us….after when I told you myself to not live in such an idealistic way.


I’m not to sure what to make of things…I used you to seek comfort when I couldn't’t in anyone else…I foolishly believed you could handle it for me. When you shouldn't’t. It was me who needed to take a good look at myself and how I am to you. But how? When I am too proud to even admit that I did you wrong? Clashing with my absolute love for you… I can’t bear to let you go. Let us go…



But why wallow? Why should I be so miserable? I know you don’t want me to be…because all you ever wanted was for us to be happy….as I do.


Giving you your time is so hard on me…because it just makes me miss you more and more…
but if I am to place my part in hoping we will one day reach our life goals together…then I must be patient….it is something i did not fully feel the need to learn...but now...when i can feel the absolute loneliness...i will be patient...i will control myself...because i love you.

Happy Tuesday

Today was a happy tuesday... not because the weather is getting a bit better now and it has nothing to do with the fact that i did get 5 hrs of sleep last night, not 2, not 3 but 5!...

i woke up this morning feeling so much better, this is a very rare feeling... you see i'm not a morning person, i hate waking up before 9 or 10 am... blame it on my sleeping disorder, the so-called insomia... i felt like a different person.

i dreamt of you last night... it was the most beautiful dream i've had for such a long time... if only i could command my brain to dream of you every night for the rest of my life, i would never wanna wake up again... ya make me happy :-) ya put a smile on my face... funny how yer the reason of my very first happy monday when ya don't even know me... thank you anyway.

i could only talk to you, touch you, be with you in my dreams...only in my dreams but thank you anyway... i am content but will never be satisfied.. hoping these dreams will soon come true...

- good night baby! thanks for staying! sleep tight

LESSON 101

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, let them go & move on, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free from all the pains, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them & show them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

Jealous

Question: Why do I get so jealous when my partner talks to other people?
Answer: When you first connected with your partner and looked into their eyes, it felt like he or she was the only person in the room. As you get deeper into your relationship and call yourselves a couple, the realization hits you: You and your partner are not alone on this planet. There are others! Are they a threat?
When we are in a committed relationship, we assume the connection we have with each other will be strong enough to fend off outside threats. In some ways, this you-belong-to-me-and-I-belong-to-you mentality is sweet; it's the stuff of pop songs and poetry. But sometimes the intensity of that connection is too strong.
When one partner sees everyone whom his or her partner comes into contact with as a potential threat, it is
a sign that jealousy has taken hold
a sign that jealousy has taken hold. Shakespeare called it "the green-eyed monster," and once it gets a hold of your relationship, it sinks its teeth in and can rip it apart.

What causes jealousy?

If you've got strong feelings of jealousy, it's probably a sign that you don't have enough trust in your partner that he or she is being faithful to you. That lack of trust may be prompted by one of four factors.
You may feel insecure about your self-worth. In these cases, either you've been raised to believe, or some part of your inner self feels, that you just don't measure up. Because you don't love yourself, you can't believe that others would love you, so you live in fear that your partner's "true" feelings will be revealed and she will leave.
You're prone to cheating on your partner -- maybe even have done so. Knowing what you're capable of, you project that behavior onto your partner.
You and your partner haven't yet figured out how to
establish safe boundaries within the relationship
establish safe boundaries within the relationship. Having a tight bond is about building walls around your love with windows that allow others to be part of it -- not doors where competing lovers can walk right in and disrupt your home. Because you don't know what's permissible within the relationship and what's not, you're constantly on your toes.
Your mate is cheating on you. Cheating doesn't have to include sex; it often has to do with making emotional connections to others outside the relationship. If your partner is sharing things about your private life with attractive members of the opposite sex, it robs a sense of intimacy from your relationship and leaves you feeling vulnerable.
Knowing the factors that lead to jealousy is an important first step to getting things fixed.
Put your focus on building trust
Put your focus on building trust. If you've got some growing up to do, therapy may help. Both of you have to learn how to set boundaries in the relationship. That requires respecting your mate's definition of limits of outside relationships from the start.
Over time, as trust builds, you and your partner can redefine what feels safe for the relationship. After all, when you've got a great relationship, you want to share it with the world.

(ref.yahoo)