It's so easy to say the right things. It's so easy to sound nice and sweet. When you're face-to-face, it's no challenge to bring forth a smile. Yet, it's not easy to be real.
Aren't we all masters of the spoken word? We can recall cliche's with a fillip. We can pick our minds of timely quotes to ease a weathered soul. And with our mastered tones, we soothe a heart in pain.
Yet, not all find it as easy to put those words into action.
How many times have you been assured by a friendly voice to "go on and challenge life," for if everything else fails, I'll be here -- an ear to hear out your frustrations, an arm you can hold on to, a shoulder that you can flood with your tears, etcetera, etcetera....
Yet, how many times has the world frustrated your attempts, whamming you twice, thrice over and you suddenly find yourself alone in the abyss of failure? Ringing in your mind is that sweet, reassuring voice of wisdom. But when you look around, it's just a voice, the owner gone, caught up in its own world.
These quotes and phrases are but words sewn up together to sound nice. It's prodding meant only to impel a beginning. It inspires you to start, encourages you to keep on the road.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
lil bit
I feel a lil homesick but I know God has planned for me and lessons to be learned here in Manila (Emerson). I am overly positive of myself that I will make it through. Maybe not in a instant but with hard work. It was hard for me to leave since i've got a lot going on there in Davao. My hometown will always be my home. I'll just think of it this way...No man discovers new horizons without losing sight of the shore. I'll accept challenges and enjoy being out of my comfort zone, because I know in the end, my destination is the journey itself.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
No air
This is it guys!I have said my good bye on air. if you guys got to listen to my good bye spiel.. thank you. sorry if i got so emotional.. it's hard to say good bye to something you've put almost a year of your life into... I have had a lot of good memories with the company and people i worked with. Thank you for the djs who made it really memorable. Thank you so much! Thank you Joey, Sir Bong, Sir Randall, George Booke, Stephanie, Andi ,Aeigh, Lee, Erin, Chesky, Drew, Wacky, Chris Chase,Alexy, Robert, TJ, Crimson, Francis. Thank you also to Ate May and Ate Mai as well as to Chief and Kuya Armald for being there.
Thank you for the listeners(mix friends) Thank you for the callers. Thank you for the chatters.
It was so sad to say good bye to all of you. Thank you for all the nice things that you have said. Thank you. This maybe good bye to most of you.. but as i said i will just be here.
Thank you for the listeners(mix friends) Thank you for the callers. Thank you for the chatters.
It was so sad to say good bye to all of you. Thank you for all the nice things that you have said. Thank you. This maybe good bye to most of you.. but as i said i will just be here.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Last Kiss
I would like to thank 105.9 MIX FM for the opportunity. I have learned a lot from this radio station.
Now, starting this 13th of April, I will no longer be a MIX FM DJ. Yet, I will be back to being a Mix Fm FAN. hehe
This Sunday will be my last boardwork --Sunday Rhythm and Bounce 6-9am. It will be memorable to me. I would like to thank everybody who's been there for me. Thank you. For those people who want to be greeted...You may visit my multiply account/blogger account(marvingil.multiply.com/marvingil.blogspot.com)
Sigh... I can't believe I actually said "last time".
So long MIX FM! I will still be here for you guys!!
Now, starting this 13th of April, I will no longer be a MIX FM DJ. Yet, I will be back to being a Mix Fm FAN. hehe
This Sunday will be my last boardwork --Sunday Rhythm and Bounce 6-9am. It will be memorable to me. I would like to thank everybody who's been there for me. Thank you. For those people who want to be greeted...You may visit my multiply account/blogger account(marvingil.multiply.com/marvingil.blogspot.com)
Sigh... I can't believe I actually said "last time".
So long MIX FM! I will still be here for you guys!!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Just something to share
"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
It's about time
I owe to myself and to the people who truly cares that I take charge of my life. It is about time that I take my life back into my own hands and listening to my inner self instead of relying on others for my future happiness and success. It is as simple as making healthy positive choices; may it be mental, emotional or physical. I admit, I had many negative thoughts that harm my way of thinking. I don’t know why. Well, maybe because negative thinking always seems to be so much easier to instill than positive, whether I care to believe it or not, my feelings and how I feel or think does have a huge impact on my life. Affirmations from my friends and relatives work well in changing my negative thinking into positive. Those affirmations are simply short statements that I repeat in the mind. I am learning to put myself up when negative thoughts and feelings enter my mind. I know that doing this day in and day out, slowly I will gain control back over my life. Jesus, save me. Take this matter off my mind and my heart because I can't rely on my own strength.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Emotions
Looks like nobody understands my loneliness. So, who's to blame? I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling..
This was my choice and I didn't listen to anyone but myself when I made it. I knew this was going to be tough but I've always believed in what I can do. I'm not doing this for myself,..it's for everyone who relies on me. I thought months would be enough to settle everything and then I'd go on and be who I've always wanted to be, do whatever would make me happy, be where I wanted to be and live my own life as I pictured it before. But just as it was almost over, another bunch of unexpected things would just happen and hold me back from reaching that goal.
And now I feel like I can't do it anymore. For the very first time in my life, I'm feeling helpless and tired...and so weak. I think I've lost that confidence which has been my weapon in this battle.
You see, this wasn't how I wanted to be. It's really far my vision. But I know I just have to do this, I have to be like this. This is not the right time to dream for myself. And I feel frustrated coz I'm running out of time to make it come true.
These past few months I know I'm kinda hard to deal with, and I'm sorry. I forgot to smile even just a little or try to laugh. I've never seen that funny little boy in me for a while now. Maybe this is really how it feels when you're not happy with what you're doing but you just simply couldn't get out. Coz if you do, you'll surely disappoint those important people in your life. And I can't even choose the right words to say. I can't let them know that I don't want to do this anymore. And I'll just find myself doing my very best to get rid of the job. And people would ask me why am I doing what I'm doing, they'd ask me what's wrong. Yet here I am still lost for words.
This was my choice and I didn't listen to anyone but myself when I made it. I knew this was going to be tough but I've always believed in what I can do. I'm not doing this for myself,..it's for everyone who relies on me. I thought months would be enough to settle everything and then I'd go on and be who I've always wanted to be, do whatever would make me happy, be where I wanted to be and live my own life as I pictured it before. But just as it was almost over, another bunch of unexpected things would just happen and hold me back from reaching that goal.
And now I feel like I can't do it anymore. For the very first time in my life, I'm feeling helpless and tired...and so weak. I think I've lost that confidence which has been my weapon in this battle.
You see, this wasn't how I wanted to be. It's really far my vision. But I know I just have to do this, I have to be like this. This is not the right time to dream for myself. And I feel frustrated coz I'm running out of time to make it come true.
These past few months I know I'm kinda hard to deal with, and I'm sorry. I forgot to smile even just a little or try to laugh. I've never seen that funny little boy in me for a while now. Maybe this is really how it feels when you're not happy with what you're doing but you just simply couldn't get out. Coz if you do, you'll surely disappoint those important people in your life. And I can't even choose the right words to say. I can't let them know that I don't want to do this anymore. And I'll just find myself doing my very best to get rid of the job. And people would ask me why am I doing what I'm doing, they'd ask me what's wrong. Yet here I am still lost for words.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Just blurting
When TRUST and FAITH is on key,
You tend to go uneasy.
Worse is when you want to run away
That seems to go too far from me.
Can I just ask you this time not to?
Take this as one big favor I ask of you?
Because honestly, I am not the one you should fear
Hear me when I say this, I will always be here.
Opening up to people has never been an issue to me until I got myself into trouble. Trust and faith, they're a piece of cake back then. I was raised and influenced by my loved ones to have faith in people and never judge them in any way. I was oriented to have faith that there is this something good in people despite our sinful nature. Yeah, sinful! Very sinful! (If you have no idea about this, do yourself a favor. Go and travel back time! Ask Adam and Eve.)
Reality bit me not just once but more than a dozen times. It was not a one-time big-time event. Rather, it was a series of ouch ouch and more of ouch ouch experiences.
They say that if you want to be trusted, you gotta work for it. You gotta prove yourself for you to earn it.
As immature as I was back then (or should I say a gullible being? or an innocent one? or just a foolish gullible being?), I once thought of this idea as something impossible. I just could not grasp the whole concept being operated by it that I was like, "yeah right, you are such a hard person. You are so impossible. You are such a cruel, mean and so foolish to believe that" I mean, I was like "hey you, why can't you just give the poor person a chance, just have faith and trust to that person anyway."
As I advanced in years and not to mention had my share of direct relationship with people of different orientations, I kind of found myself sold-out to the idea already that I had once rejected. Trust is indeed something earned.
Just to make things straight, my TRUST AND FAITH in people should not be mistaken as the same as my TRUST AND FAITH in God. They are way too different.
With people "Trust is now earned for me and that having Faith in a person is all up left to my sound discretion." With God, it's all or nothing at all. Should you say that you have FAITH or TRUST, it should be absolute. It's not you have faith for just as much as 80%, and 20% that you do not have. That can't be the case. A tinge of doubt still does not make you faithful and trusting.
Take this as an example. With my parents, I know they have so much faith in me. (They believe so much in me that sometimes I wanna get sick of it because I don't want them to expect much really, hahaha). But when it comes to trust, I had to work my way then for me to earn their trust. Back to my "not-a-boy-not-yet-a-man stage" or "free-from-limitations-of-a-child-yet-resistant-to-adulthood-responsibilities period" or simply the "Mars-has-not-found-himself-yet stage," I once disappointed my parents big time. I once violated a "big" rule (oh come on, I'm telling you, I was so goody goody. I never had any vices nor be considered a problem child, mind you. In fact, I'm the only child who never received a wild spanking hits from my dad. Yes, glory be to me, hehe) that my father imposed, he just reminded me that he has this so much faith in me and that it will never change but still he nevertheless reminded me to get back into the right track for me to be trusted again. I worked for it, and then I earned it.
With God, it's a different story. I just love the idea of the term "unconditional." Enough said.
So what is my point really?
These days, as far as my regular reality check session is concerned, I may not trust people easily and appear very doubtful, I can't help but to say that "YOU ARE GETTING IT ALL WRONG."
A friend once told me, "Mars, you said you trust me, but why don't you believe with what I just said? What is that? A BLIND TRUST?"
Wow! His statement rang a bell. It was played a lot of times in my head that led me to think, "yeah Mars, what do you have now?"
To that friend who said that to me, I appreciate what you said. At least, I got the hang of it and even made a blog entry out of it, hahaha. I appreciate you being so frank, really.
This is not to my defense, but allow me to say this, anyway.
I have always had faith in people. I have always believed in people and what they can become. But expecting me to trust them instantly? That's different. Yes, this is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. The world is not craving for my trust. But yeah, neither do I.
Just blurting.
You tend to go uneasy.
Worse is when you want to run away
That seems to go too far from me.
Can I just ask you this time not to?
Take this as one big favor I ask of you?
Because honestly, I am not the one you should fear
Hear me when I say this, I will always be here.
Opening up to people has never been an issue to me until I got myself into trouble. Trust and faith, they're a piece of cake back then. I was raised and influenced by my loved ones to have faith in people and never judge them in any way. I was oriented to have faith that there is this something good in people despite our sinful nature. Yeah, sinful! Very sinful! (If you have no idea about this, do yourself a favor. Go and travel back time! Ask Adam and Eve.)
Reality bit me not just once but more than a dozen times. It was not a one-time big-time event. Rather, it was a series of ouch ouch and more of ouch ouch experiences.
They say that if you want to be trusted, you gotta work for it. You gotta prove yourself for you to earn it.
As immature as I was back then (or should I say a gullible being? or an innocent one? or just a foolish gullible being?), I once thought of this idea as something impossible. I just could not grasp the whole concept being operated by it that I was like, "yeah right, you are such a hard person. You are so impossible. You are such a cruel, mean and so foolish to believe that" I mean, I was like "hey you, why can't you just give the poor person a chance, just have faith and trust to that person anyway."
As I advanced in years and not to mention had my share of direct relationship with people of different orientations, I kind of found myself sold-out to the idea already that I had once rejected. Trust is indeed something earned.
Just to make things straight, my TRUST AND FAITH in people should not be mistaken as the same as my TRUST AND FAITH in God. They are way too different.
With people "Trust is now earned for me and that having Faith in a person is all up left to my sound discretion." With God, it's all or nothing at all. Should you say that you have FAITH or TRUST, it should be absolute. It's not you have faith for just as much as 80%, and 20% that you do not have. That can't be the case. A tinge of doubt still does not make you faithful and trusting.
Take this as an example. With my parents, I know they have so much faith in me. (They believe so much in me that sometimes I wanna get sick of it because I don't want them to expect much really, hahaha). But when it comes to trust, I had to work my way then for me to earn their trust. Back to my "not-a-boy-not-yet-a-man stage" or "free-from-limitations-of-a-child-yet-resistant-to-adulthood-responsibilities period" or simply the "Mars-has-not-found-himself-yet stage," I once disappointed my parents big time. I once violated a "big" rule (oh come on, I'm telling you, I was so goody goody. I never had any vices nor be considered a problem child, mind you. In fact, I'm the only child who never received a wild spanking hits from my dad. Yes, glory be to me, hehe) that my father imposed, he just reminded me that he has this so much faith in me and that it will never change but still he nevertheless reminded me to get back into the right track for me to be trusted again. I worked for it, and then I earned it.
With God, it's a different story. I just love the idea of the term "unconditional." Enough said.
So what is my point really?
These days, as far as my regular reality check session is concerned, I may not trust people easily and appear very doubtful, I can't help but to say that "YOU ARE GETTING IT ALL WRONG."
A friend once told me, "Mars, you said you trust me, but why don't you believe with what I just said? What is that? A BLIND TRUST?"
Wow! His statement rang a bell. It was played a lot of times in my head that led me to think, "yeah Mars, what do you have now?"
To that friend who said that to me, I appreciate what you said. At least, I got the hang of it and even made a blog entry out of it, hahaha. I appreciate you being so frank, really.
This is not to my defense, but allow me to say this, anyway.
I have always had faith in people. I have always believed in people and what they can become. But expecting me to trust them instantly? That's different. Yes, this is not all about me. The world does not revolve around me. The world is not craving for my trust. But yeah, neither do I.
Just blurting.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Things happen for a reason
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people maay be. Possibly your roomate or neighbour, professor or long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger. But when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strenght, willpower or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It whould be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally. Not only because they love you, because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day counts. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Walk the footsteps of a stranger and you'll learn things you never know. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individaul and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your own life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. "The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."
And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strenght, willpower or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It whould be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally. Not only because they love you, because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day counts. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Walk the footsteps of a stranger and you'll learn things you never know. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individaul and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your own life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. "The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
What if
Lord, what if I wake up one day and life is so perfect?
Then, I wouldn’t have tasted the sweetness of life giving as
a service to You…
What if there were no sickness or problems to bring me
suffering or sorrow? Then, I wouldn’t have learned to be grateful to the blessings ever showered nor remember to call on You…
What if I was never been hurt and wounded by the people I loved and trusted? Then, I wouldn’t have heard your mellow whispers of comfort and be encouraged…
What if as I go through life’s journey, I never stumbled and fell? Then, I wouldn’t have felt your strong gentle hands, lifting me up and holding me so reassuringly…
What if there was never any darkness or sadness? Then, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the mystery and comprehend beyond light…
What if I was never been weak in every aspect of my life? Then, I wouldn’t have touched the exquisite joy of finding and knowing You…
What if I never learned to love You? Then, I might as well never been born…
Lord, I ask too many questions when the answers are right here in my heart…
“What if” it can never be
because
You Love Me?!
Then, I wouldn’t have tasted the sweetness of life giving as
a service to You…
What if there were no sickness or problems to bring me
suffering or sorrow? Then, I wouldn’t have learned to be grateful to the blessings ever showered nor remember to call on You…
What if I was never been hurt and wounded by the people I loved and trusted? Then, I wouldn’t have heard your mellow whispers of comfort and be encouraged…
What if as I go through life’s journey, I never stumbled and fell? Then, I wouldn’t have felt your strong gentle hands, lifting me up and holding me so reassuringly…
What if there was never any darkness or sadness? Then, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the mystery and comprehend beyond light…
What if I was never been weak in every aspect of my life? Then, I wouldn’t have touched the exquisite joy of finding and knowing You…
What if I never learned to love You? Then, I might as well never been born…
Lord, I ask too many questions when the answers are right here in my heart…
“What if” it can never be
because
You Love Me?!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Unfair
Sometimes I wished for a much low-profile life. Where people around you don't give a shit to what you do, and don't give a damn about you. Attention is not everything, and attention is not what I want. Too much attention stresses me out, and that's what I'm feeling right now. I'm confused, I'm divided, I'm tired. Cant people just understand? I know exactly what I want in life, and I don't need inconsiderate people to barge into my life and start ruining every single hope of mine. Right now, all I need are FRIENDS. No soulmate, no partner, no whatsoever. People don't understand. People call me a BITCH just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. People start drifting away from me just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. People sought revenge and hugged another girl right in front of my very own eyes just because I cant accept them as my soulmate. Just how unfair is that, you tell me? Cant these people GROW UP and START THINKING MATURELY? I'd always thought we could remain as friends.. why get so emotional just because I cant accept you as my soulmate?? Sigh. Like what I'd told my best babe earlier, my life basically revolves around work now. I no longer want to have the time to go dating or whatsoever. I don't want to be giving people false hopes by going out with them. I've learnt my lesson. So to those of you who have been asking me out but always got turned down lately, you should now know why. I'm NOT ready to start dating yet. I'm NOT ready to be accused of giving people false hopes.
Life is being extra cruel to me now, and all I need is strength.
I started to think about loving someone back again, I started to shudder. And I almost cried. I admit, I'm a weakling when it comes to this. I'm scared. I'm just not ready.. not ready to love and trust back again. I need the time.
I'm sorry, I know I'd disappointed you yet again but I have to be fair to myself too. I hope you understand. =(
Fck! Why am I being so emotional now.
Life is being extra cruel to me now, and all I need is strength.
I started to think about loving someone back again, I started to shudder. And I almost cried. I admit, I'm a weakling when it comes to this. I'm scared. I'm just not ready.. not ready to love and trust back again. I need the time.
I'm sorry, I know I'd disappointed you yet again but I have to be fair to myself too. I hope you understand. =(
Fck! Why am I being so emotional now.
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